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Forums Serious Talk Trusting people online

Donator — She/Her Posted 1 week ago ( 2022/05/12 05:53:31 )
I think I’m a very trusting person in nature especially to people on the internet. I see the good in people and I don’t see their imperfections. I had a really, really good friend that I reached out to 2 years ago back from 11 years ago. I trusted him so, so much. I thought he was the kindest person who helped me so much with my problems. When my trauma resurfaced from the site that caused me a lot of grief from 11 years ago, he still was very patient and helped me a lot. My trauma unlocked my negative and positive emotions and they became extremely heightened. Recently my panicky emotion was extremely heightened and I kept apologising a lot to him, and he seemed angry and I was confused. Why did he show me such patience before? He didn’t seem like an angry person…

My depression got worse and worse and he started ignoring me and I accidentally expressed my feelings for him when trying to get him to stay as I was genuinely afraid of him leaving me. I cry very often now. I just feel so hopeless, worthless, useless and I feel like I will drive people away because of my extreme anxiousness…

My health is fading away both mentally and physically…I still have my other friend who I show the panicky emotion more often to and he seems to understand but I think I might need to take a break from talking to him to try and get better and heal myself.

Donator — Am Potato Posted 1 week ago ( 2022/05/12 07:07:56 )
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with stuff, especially with the added stress of what's happened with your friend. It is possible that he may be going through his own stuff and just doesn't have the energy or mental health himself to deal with what you have going on on top of what his stuff. I know Both sides of that from experience. I know how it feels to be so burned out by someone else's drama that you just don't want to deal with it anymore and feel like the only thing you can do is lash out. Unfortunately that's not always the best thing because it does cause other problems, and can strain your relationship with the person. On the other hand, i also know what it's like to have things bring up old trauma/drama and have the person who knows what happened in the past just suddenly seem angry at you or annoyed. And then to have that support that you expected to be there suddenly ripped away from you definitely can cause the feelings of confusion and stress that you're feeling. I know exactly how hard that is. i also know what it's like to accidentally confess your feelings for someone because you don't want to lose them and you're trying to hold on too tightly. Don't feel bad about expressing those feelings, you did nothing wrong there.

It's also possible that you're putting too much strain on just the two friends. For example, i have a friend who comes to me for literally everything that happens in her life. And it's a lot, and often repetitive because she won't do certain things. Sometimes, when i'm feeling particularly overwhelmed by life or other things unrelated to her, she messages me and all i can bring myself to do is one word replies. And i know that it's not what she's looking for in terms of support, but it's the best i can give at the time. And there have been a couple times where i've told her that i can't really put a whole lot of energy into solving her problems but i'd be there to the best of my ability if she wanted to vent or work though it. I may not be able to give advice or suggestions, but i could just be there for moral support. She knows that i can't always give her 100% effort, or even 75% all the time, but i do still make sure that she knows she can talk to me about anything at anytime, because sometimes that's just what she needs and i'm the only one that can do that for her because her life is just that stressful.

unfortunately your friend's the only one who can tell you why he's behaving the way he is, and anyone else can only speculate based on their own experiences. That can give some insight and possible explanations as to his behavior more than just the worst possible explanation.

I understand the anxiety and the depression quite well, as i have it myself, and i've been in a similar position as you. Honestly, if you need to talk to someone and the people you've relied on before aren't available or you're afraid you're putting too much on them, please message me. I know we haven't talked before, but i can promise you your anxiety and depression won't scare me off, and i'll more than likely be able to talk you through some things. I'm more than happy to help, too so don't think it would inconvenience me at all. If something happens and i need a small break i'll let you know so you're not left hanging or anything :] Of course, that is if you take me up on my offer.
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Voltie — They/He Posted 1 week ago ( 2022/05/13 01:48:29 )
Should they keep it on display...

I can't say for sure, but it sounds like he may be emotionally unavailable or just generally exhausted. Hell, he may be going though something himself.

I personally have been the "therapy friend" for a lot of people, and it can be very, VERY draining. I have a friend who I helped get out of an abusive situation, and a lot of issues were shoved on me. I was holding onto their stuff for months, and getting angry phone calls from his mom blaming it on me. On top of that, I had online friends going through their own things and venting to me, and I ended up ghosting a lot of people trying to keep myself together.

TLDR: being the therapy friend is exhausting, it's probably not your fault. Give it some time and check up on him now and again.

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Donator — She/Her Posted 7 days ago ( 2022/05/13 15:02:52 )
My other friend helped me a lot in the beginning and gave me more advice before. But now he seems more reserved because he’s dealing with his own depression and says stuff like he doesn’t have time and gives out little advice…he says sometimes that he feels emotionally drained…I just don’t know what to do…I wish he could help me…I just need a friend…I have one person in real life that’s helping me though.

He’s said that he cared about me and loved me like family but I get the feeling he’s annoyed at me…like I’m too much, just way too much with my emotions of paranoia, grief, anxiety, stress, etc that I had to ask him if he trusted me which he said he did.

I just…wish we could both help each other…I think maybe I should ask him how he feels, I don’t really do that anymore…

Also my friend that’s ghosting me caused my paranoia, grief, anxiety to grow really, really bad that yesterday I was shaking, crying, panicking so, so hard…and I told my other friend hoping he’ll help me but he seemed still distant…because I was messaging him a lot on my panicking. And he just said to see my therapist….I want to cry. I just want a friend…

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