This Guy: My Ex is Draining

Another Movie Addict

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-Insert a long string of bad words in a frustrated voice-

Okay so I know that in the end, this could be put an end to pretty easily. Like logically I get it, I could stop this. But there's a part of me deep down in my soul knows she doesn't want to go off on him. Basically I don't want to be the thing that makes him snap. Plus it's just really really hard to pull away from an almost 20 year old toxic habit.

Ok so he hasn't spoken to me much in like over a year. Ghosted me completely. And now all of a sudden my ex is back with 'I feel alone'.

My reply was: "I think you want so much out of normal people, and when they can't reach the level you set for them. You just pull away.
You're so caught up in this idea of a perfect relationship with the exact perfect person. And that's just not healthy or realistic."

His reply: "I'm not looking for a therapist I'm looking for a friend"

If I had the lady balls to do it, all I have to do is tell him to fudge off. But like I don't have the lady balls to do that. So I'm stuck forever bitching about this butt pimple. Which I know isn't even remotely healthy. I just need to lance this pimple.

Priestess of Pie

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Maybe he should look for a therapist yeah? It's not on you to make sure he's not lonely. He's got to grow up and make better choices, just like we all do.

Another Movie Addict

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@Priestess of Pie: He really needs help, but won't ever go and get it.

Priestess of Pie

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@Another Movie Addict: Well if he's not willing to work on his problems, then he can't expect you to do so.

Another Movie Addict

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@Priestess of Pie: He's been doing this since we became friends in high school. Which was almost two decades ago. Every single time he needed someone, he came to me.

Priestess of Pie

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@Another Movie Addict: And he'll keep doing it if you keep letting him. Even if you want to stay friends, sometimes being a friend is telling someone what they don't want to hear, but need to hear.

Mallow

Tumbleweed
My Sons

Another Movie Addict

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@Priestess of Pie: At this point in my life, I don't really care about maintaining the friendship. It's insanely toxic for me, and I'm aware of that. It's that I don't want to be the one that pushes him to suicide. Which he's threatened a few times. So usually I just do the cowardly thing and just ignore him.

vengeance

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I am going to be really harsh here. But if someone threatened me like that with "i'm going to kill myself" I would just say be my guest.

Another Movie Addict

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Honestly that's what I should do.

JudgeBunny

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^ Agreed, just block them and move on.
They ghosted you for a year. Whatever relationship/friendship you have with a person after that is honestly nonexistent in my book. He's looking for attention now and will only bring you down. Its not healthy for you to have to put up with this. It's not your responsibility. He wasn't 'looking for a friend' a year ago when he vanished on you. You gave him good advice up there but he doesn't want to accept it. Blek.

Another Movie Addict

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He really started ghosting me once I got new friends. Which I do like appreciate that without him, I'd never would've met them. But I have more than made up for that favor.

Like when he started ghosting me, I would send him random 'his' and 'hellos'. Making sure that he knew like I was still there for him too. But he'd ignore me for weeks on end. Then he finally left my life entirely.

Saeyra

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@Another Movie Addict: I understand exactly how you feel. From what you wrote you know the solutions to your problems. Courage is what you need and luckily they sell those in bottles kidding! I wish you luck with following through with your plans. Guys play the suicide card alot, I have heard that ultimatum/story more times than I can count from a great many girls and some guys too. He could be for real but he shouldn't be using that to emotionally blackmail you because that is just wrong. You won't be the reason he kills himself, it will be his fault for actually doing it and not getting professional help. Most of the time it is just an empty threat and they are too cowardly to go through with it.

Tsundererra

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TSUN ★ TSUN ★ TSUN (≖︿≖✿)

@Another Movie Addict: LOL, tbh, if he’s threatening suicide and ghosting people, then he really needs a therapist and not a friend. I think he comes back to you because he knows you’re a nice person who can’t turn him away, but you might also be enabling him by giving him the attention he wants. ^^; I’d just ghost him like he ghosted you.

(✿ ♡‿♡) DERE ★ DERE ★ DERE

The truth behind Reaping Ritual 2019

Art by the rightful Mayor, Kiwi

Another Movie Addict

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@Tsundererra: He really needs professional help, like bad. But he doesn't really think there's anything wrong with him, it's everyone else's fault.
@Saeyra: It's weird because like the furry group I'm in, it was easy as Hell to get rid of someone using the suicide card. But I guess it's because I've known my ex for so very long. Like it's scary when someone tells you they're mixing their xanax with vodka.

Saeyra

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@Another Movie Addict: Like with all breakups a clean cut is painful but most effective. And yes you are right, you have a history and you can't just stop loving someone entirely, especially when you have gotten to know them so intimately. Even if it is not romantic anymore the caring still remains. Its similar to how people cannot just stop loving their parents or siblings even if they are complete assholes 90% of the time. That's why even though the "staying friends" option is nice in theory, in reality it is almost never healthy for either party.

I know how tough it is. I have had to cut off people like that too. Nothing we can say will make it easier and that really sucks. I have held a friend crying in my arms when she had to do this and I couldn't help her besides confirming to her that she is doing the right thing and that it will be okay in the end.

Always ping me please.

Another Movie Addict

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@Saeyra: I've known him since I was 13 or so, and I'm 29 now. So it's been a really long friendship, but it has always from day one been unhealthy. He's the last toxic thing from my childhood, and we'd been doing our owning for a few years now. But whenever he's been without girlfriend for 'too long' he starts coming to me for comfort and making sex jokes. Pushing that we could totally be FwB. Which I seriously do not want to do. So mostly I just kinda ignore him until I can't.

Another Movie Addict

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@koneko: I think I let it keep going these days, because it doesn't happen to often anymore. He'll go months without saying anything to me, so it's easy to forget about it. But when he does finally talk to me again, it's all about how awful everything is.

Another Movie Addict

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@koneko: I think the next time, I'm just going to ignore him. Ghost him like he ghosted me.

Eruca

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Do what you want! After all these years it's only fair. You don't owe this guy anything.

"when he does finally talk to me again, it's all about how awful everything is"
I have a friend who did that. I was miffed and explained to her that that was not ok. We're not talking anymore, but tbh, i didn't even notice since she hasn't brought joy to my life for years. Doesn't make all the times when we were friends mean anything less. It's just in the past now.

Ping me

Another Movie Addict

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I've been toying with the idea of writing him like a letter detailing all the shit, and just using that as my big 'fuck off'. But I'm waffling.

Forums Serious Talk This Guy: My Ex is Draining

Another Movie Addict

Priestess of Pie

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Priestess of Pie

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Priestess of Pie

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vengeance

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JudgeBunny

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Saeyra

Tsundererra

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Saeyra

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Eruca

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