I finally told my father that I may have anxiety

Purpsy

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I'm not diagnose yet and this is just my own assumption. Ever since I was young I used to worry about something and over time I think it gotten worse. I remember when I was a child, I worry what highschool I should go to or something related to it? I remember telling my father about it and I think his response was not to worry about them. But then again this was when first or second grade? When I was around 9 or ten I was worried what university I should go to? My past self would never be aware of this but as an adult. I don't think those thoughts are normal for a kid.

A lot has happened over time but I rather not talk about it. Actually is not easy to write about. I only brought it up is because a few days ago me and my father had been talking and at one point he mentioned about a story when I was a kid, it was my first day of school and I was with a relative who happens to be also an elementary school teacher. She explained to my father later on that I was very nervous and afraid on my first day and warned my father to have a close watch with me from then on. Because something like I'm no good in under pressure or with a change of environment. So my father explained that this whole time he hasn't pressured me on anything I woon't like, which is very true.

So after that I was starting to connect the dots because I've been trying to understand myself better lately. And for me my excessive worrying may have started in childhood and I got the conclusion that I may have anxiety. I finally told my father and I was almost in tears shortly after. His response? "No your just afraid and you just can't handle things under pressure" To be honest, I didn't like his response. Is like he's saying is all in my head or something when for me, my constant worry and over thinking is very much real. I've let them get the best of me and I may have fallen into depression for it. Honestly there's a part of me that's thinking that this is not real but I've been also thinking I should seek proffessional help. But I'm just too afraid to speak out or afraid of my family's reaction. I admit I do have suicidal thoughts when it proves too much.

I'm just tired, I worry too much over little things like when just starting the conversation with someone and assuming the worst of it already. I'm wonderring if the people that does have anxiety can relate to this? Honestly this has just became a long rant, I'm just not having a great week.

Lina

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I have anxiety, and my parents don’t get it.
To this day, my mom will say things like, “I get nervous too” and I’m like, it’s not nerves. It’s not fear. It’s not something you can control.

People who have never experienced anxiety don’t understand what it feels like.
So your dad might never agree you have it, or understand your feelings.
But it is important to find people who can understand and help you with it.
Talking to a professional is definitely a good idea if you feel comfortable doing it, but there are online support groups, or even people on Voltra you can talk to if that’s more comfortable.

The most important thing to remember, you aren’t alone!
I know what you’re feeling, lots of people do!
It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s nothing you did wrong or anything wrong with you.

Purpsy

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@koneko: Thank you. I am planning to tell them but I have my own reason why they won't react well. Sadly mental issues is not often talked about with my family, I'm afraid they really don't understand it fully. But I don't want to hide this to them anymore is just finding the courage to tell them is difficult.

I've done a few research in the past until now and I also don't 100% believe on my self- diagnosis also. I only assumed I may have some sort of anxiety is because I've had a talk about it with a friend who was diagnose with one. She thinks I may have it but without being properly diagnose with a doctor, that's just the only solid reason I have so far.

Purpsy

Friend PM Trade

@Lina: Is really nice to have someone that understands because I don't have a lot of people like that in real life. Sometimes I think is all over my head but now I know is not. Is honestly uncomfortable really admitting that I have a problem and is even more harder to admit that I need help. I'm the type to mask off my emotions and bottled things up and I'm aware is not good but is hard to break the habit. Surprisingly though talking about it online with a bunch of strangers is just easier.

Lina

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@PurpdaBurpPurp: I understand completely.
I usually hide from problems and pretend they aren’t happening.
But I’ve had a lot of help online. Talking to other people about it, makes it easier to accept I have it.

Admitteding is always hard, but once you do everything gets a little easier. And anxiety can get worse if you ignore it, so it’s good you are taking steps. ^^

Find me @ PlayWithErica on instagram, twitch, youtube, and discord.

athabm

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If you're still in public school, you can go to the nurse's office or someone you trust and tell them that you're having trouble in life because you're anxious and you'd like some help. They might be able to get you a diagnosis. The important thing is that if it's causing a problem in more than one area of your life, like school, home, social, etc, then it's probably something they can diagnose and help you manage.

If you're in college, you should be able to get help at the health center, though if you're on your parent's health insurance and not the school's, they may limit the amount of care they can provide for mental health. They should still be able to refer you, though.

Also, I can understand being upset at your dad's response. It sounds like he was telling you that you're weak, even if that's not what he meant. Anxiety doesn't make you weak, though, and it is certainly something you can manage and learn to reduce its impact on your life over time.

Purpsy

Friend PM Trade

@koneko: Ah, I've never seen it that way before. I felt like the need to get diagnosis to prove myself what I'm struggling is real. It took me a long time to realize I needed help as well and I was in denial and that's just a constant war inside my head. Is tiring and I've made terrible decisions along the way and pushed away all of the people that care for me.

I've had experiences when people don't really understand what Im going through. Is frustrating at first but I've come to terms that not all people will fully undestand what I'm going through. But is still a pain to confront them sometimes...

Btw what is cbt?

Purpsy

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@koneko: My situation is a lot more complicated than that and is not easy to talk about it to anyone these days. Let's just say I've hit rock bottom for a very veerry long time, we're talking about years here. And let's just say I don't have easy access to get that kind of help due to financial issues and family issues. So most of the help I get is online and I'm grateful we have internet nowadays.

I talk about it to you guys and some people on Discord and I went on phases both on the spiritual and logical? side of the spectrum. Learning about my personality type help a lot and then learning about astrology/tarot is what started it. Is like I had to get to now myself again, I believe some people call that soul searching? I kinda had to be my own therapist inside my head and have this mini dialogue asking myself why I feel a certain way in this situation and another. I swear I'm not crazy. But it gets frustrating because there are days I felt like I haven't changed at all or the road of my recovery is just too damn slow.

Purpsy

Friend PM Trade

@koneko: Nah your good, I actually welcome any kind of advice as long it's come from a good place because well... there's not a lot of people I can share this with and is bad enough I overthink about everything. And I understand, there's a lot of topics that I can't even talk about to anyone yet but just like you said, progress takes time.

As regarding of making bad decisions this is something very fresh for me. I had to leave a friend behind because of how I was before and that took some time to move on. I felt bad because I hurt her without even knowing and I did beat myself about it and she didn't take it well when I'm completely honest with her. The story itself is too much to explain, I did talk about it a little bit more here, like one of those post your rants threads so yeah.

And thank you, I guess I've done a little bit of CBT then and I'm going to read more about it later. And I'll give the app a shot and can you read the book online?

Purpsy

Friend PM Trade

@koneko: Is not an easy thing to do, even owning up and admitting my faults can be hard to swallow sometimes. But I've known someone close who are quite the opposite and can't admit their mistakes and boi, I don't want to turn out like that. Is a pain when someone always thinks I'm wrong on everything and their always right all the time. I've had bad experiences like that and it even shakened up my self-esteem.
So I rather be a 100% brutally honest to myself rather than be ignorant.

And no, I'm good ty. I was just curious maybe in the future I'll read it but I'm currently reading another book atm so yeah.

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