@Totalanimefan: I read your comment. And you're so right. However, I don't want him to lose his job and I'm sure jail isn't being kind to him. I am extremely sad and hurt. There's still a lot to clean up but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to bail him out and hug him tight and give him a stern talking to.

I am so conflicted but so far I've simply cleaned and prayed. Thank you for the kind words and empathy.

@vengeance: it is ex for sure. I messaged his sister and mother simply to state where he was and needed help. Then washed my hands of it all. I need to make sure my relationships are ones I'd be proud of my son to mimic. Hugs all y'all.

@PurpdaBurpPurp: this is stressful for sure for everyone. It does no good to focus on oneself and how isolation is affecting you when millions are going through the same thing. Sigh. I am so proud of my kiddo. He is a real trooper and very strong for 13. I've been truly blessed for sure. Just wish things hadn't played out this way.

I know its been a bit since you posted this, I really hope you're doing okay still and that no one else got physically harmed. I'm also proud of you for stepping away from that person and I hope you can find the strength to move forward. With each day, after each sleep, I do pray that you find more peace with yourself and life with your son, who sounds like a wonderfully supportive kid.

@xanthan:
I'm so glad to hear this <3
I've been a victim of something similar, but I was so fortunate that two friends of mine showed up to bail me out of the trouble. They gave me a root beer and some advil and let me cry in the back seat of their car as much as I needed to.
Friends and kind communities like this one are incredibly helpful when we go through tough times and our hearts ache. Surround yourself in that kind of wholesome care and bask in it. But don't try to cover up your feelings either, allow yourself grief, but always remember that tomorrow will be better.
I never once looked back and my tomorrow ended up much better--and safer. Just took a little time <3

@Jolly: thank you greatly. Sadly, I have been in a similar position before. It was much worse then however I didn't have a kiddo. It finally has sunk in that I am back to being alone. My son is asleep. I have no more glass to sweep up. No more areas requiring careful attention to cleanliness from the physical mess and the slashes of red which dotted the ground. My window has been meh somewhat patched at least for now. And I've run out of steam to clean. So I am sitting here. Wondering if he is ok. Wondering how he will deal with this all. And then it flashes....i am alone again.

Alone hasn't ever really been an issue for me. But the sudden realization of its presence hit hard. I've not needed to cry. I will grieve the loss of a relationship. Maybe down the road there can be a friendship. Time will tell. But I am able to make it through because I have to. I have my son. My animals. And myself that needs me. And I'd rather be lonely alone than lonely with someone. I had a friend come help me. She stayed 6 to 8 ft away but helped. We didn't hug or anything. I cannot raise someone's risk of infection just because someone else cannot resolve and deal with their anger in a healthier way. That hurt the most. But overall, I am holding it together. I am sure I'll have a mini breakdown at some point but for tonight I'm just grateful and that feels good.

@xanthan:
Feeling alone suddenly can be very scary when it hits. I usually fill that void by finding a bunch of youtube shows or streams to binge. I avoid movies cause they tend to tap into my emotions too much. But having a youtuber or streamer just talking at the camera/me can sometimes feel better than sitting around with no voices in the room at all.

I wish I could give you a hug and a pile of cookies.