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Forums Serious Talk Yeeting people from my life...

Donator — she/they Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 15:29:01 )
TW: All sorts of hurtful stuff.

So... I'm really particular about a few things. Racism, sexism, classism, transphobia... I won't stand for it. I guess that makes me a downer, because I totally call out my friends when they post insensitive memes. "Its just a joke! You're being too sensitive!" Yeah, maybe, but I know a lot of people who face verbal and physical abuse because of these jokes. I can't just stand by and not let you know you're hurting people I care about.

I stopped a friendship that I've had for nearly 16 years because the person in question was transphobic and posting "funny memes" about fighting trans women if they followed his wife into a bathroom. He knew full well I quit a job because I got punished for enforcing a trans woman's state right to use her bathroom of choice. He does not know I identify as non-binary myself because thats out of his mental realm to grasp, but I digress...

I always try to educate in a calm manner before I go full yeet. Not only do I get argued back with, but they'll let their friends and family berate me for simply saying "hey don't be a jerk to other human beings". They'll laugh at me for trying to defend people I love. At that point, I feel like the friendship wasn't even ended by me. Thats not how you treat friends.

Most recently one of my friends ex's, who we are all still on good terms with, posted a meme of an Asian woman failing to eat a live octopus which she captioned "Covid-20". Without that specific caption, I might have let it slide but, me being me, I had to say that seemed pretty racist. She stopped just short of calling me the racist one because the woman "just so happened to be Asian" and it "wasn't about that, it was about the fact that she was eating live octopus." I explained that yes the fact that she was Asian was relevant in todays climate, and yes the fact that she's targeting another cultures eating habits just added to this fact (live octopus may be weird but it is absolutely a cultural delicacy). I explained that this mentality was leading to physical and verbal abuse of Asians, Asian Americans, and even people who just kind of look Asian (because racists really don't care to get their facts straight) and she just refused to even acknowledge that it could be problematic. She said I was making the problem up, I was making it racist when nobody intended it to be. Then she let her friends call me stupid. So... I'm out. I didn't make a big deal of it, but I can't even imagine wanting to be friends with someone like that anymore. This was no isolated incident. She's posted a lot of things to FB targeting homeless people, trans people (she even has trans acquaintances who I know are not ok with this) and SO many things flopping about on the topic of this pandemic.... I just can't.

Am I a jerk, Voltra? Am I making a situation where there was none? I want my friends to be aware of things outside of their privilege, but I don't want to be the bad friend who always spoils peoples fun. Where do you all draw the line between jokes and harmful rhetoric?
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Donator Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 15:35:43 )

I do not think you are jerk at all. Posting things like that is never funny to me. I always call out people like that.
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Donator — FluffyBoi Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 15:43:07 )

You tried to educate them on why what they were doing is wrong, so you're not at fault here. They are. Sometimes people would rather say "It's just a joke!" than admit that they screwed up. You don't need people like that in your life.
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Donator — she/they Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 15:59:11 )
@vengeance: Thank you and @DevilkinBoi: Thank you as well.
Its so hard because a LOT of people I once loved and respected prove themselves to be completely the opposite of what I want in my life. I don't have a lot of friends so its pretty bittersweet to learn that they're kinda horrible. I need to figure out how to meet better people in real life, but I barely know how I got the friends I do have XD
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Donator — She Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 16:02:01 )
@glume: hiya Glume I'm exactly the same as you and feel the the same way.. so no I don't think your a jerk either.. your just passionate about what you believe in :)
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Donator — FluffyBoi Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 16:07:38 )

@Glume: Oh, I know the feeling. xD I'm an awkward bean irl, so I do wonder how I have the friends I do. But take it one day at a time, okay?
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Lucifer's Pet

Donator — they/them Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 16:18:13 )
Nah, you're not a jerk, you just enforce your boundaries, and people don't like that, so they try to make it seem like you're the problem. I'm sorry that those people you thought were friends turned out to care more about themselves than they did about being kind and maintaining healthy friendships. It sucks to lose relationships, even if the other person is terrible
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Donator — He/Him Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 18:32:24 )
Yeah I won't tolerate shit like that.

It's really unfortunate to realize that so many people lack basic empathy. It's hard for me to accept that... I don't want to live in a gross and mean world. One of the better ways to change that IMO is to stop being friends with people like this. Cause they're not gonna change if you stay friends with them, because they will never realize that what they're doing is a bad thing.

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Ping me!

Hangout

Donator — she/they Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 19:22:07 )
You guys are awesome. I like to stand up for what I believe in, but when I find out that so many people disagree with me, I start to have doubts. I'm glad I don't have to doubt myself and can continue fighting for what is right. I feel like in 2020, we should be well past all this stuff that separates us from each other. This is why we can't have aliens. They can see what a sh* show we are as a species.
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Donator — she/they Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 19:51:34 )
Its just weird to me that people would rather look that way than take personal responsibility. If I get called out on something, I'm like "Wow I did not realize, thanks for bringing it to my attention!" Its not hard to look at the world through someone else's perspective.
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Ping me, Devil Daddy, ping me.




Donator — Whatever Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/12 19:55:39 )
Are ya ready, guyz?!

Naw, you're calling the jerks out

Also, dad says octopus done right is really good

Put ya guns awn!
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questShop

Donator Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/13 14:01:45 )
I feel like this comic that I just stumbled on today is relevant to this thread
kind of

e
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I'm the master of me and isn't the thought enough to lift you off of the ground?

Voltie Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/05/17 11:50:07 )
You just re-enforced their beliefs that those with your opinion are unreasonable. Their friends who disagree with you will now all converse about how they are right and how you are wrong. You did this for your own mental health which is great but now there will be even more effort for them to be this way which is bad.

When it comes to your own sanity do not worry about being a jerk.
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https://streamable.com/l8ysz

Voltie — They/them Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/05/19 06:15:00 )
I don't feel like you were in the wrong at all. But. Some people are willing to go a long way in the name of political correctness, and it can be quite annoying. Sometimes I have enough of it and end up distancing myself from them.
I sometimes say borderline insensitive things, but it's in good spirits and I don't mean to offend anyone. (ie closed group of friends calling each other retards), and it can really put a damper on the mood if someone comes in and is like "uhm, you shouldn't use that, it's derogatory and triggering" over every non-correct word.

I also have a zero tolerance for transphobia and outright racism (although I do enjoy a good "isis are goat fuckers" meme), and I have yeeted people from my life for continuing to post racist things. But I still feel like sometimes I have to choose my battles, and not let every little injustice turn into a big fight.

I have a very PC friend who never backs down from those battles and pummels you with "facts" until your head spins, and he's just so annoying to be around sometimes, because I feel like I can't let my guard down and make silly jokes or comments.

Again, not trying to say you are like that, or call you annoying. And it was not cool of your "friends" to let their friends berate you for trying to do the right thing.

All I'm saying is, sometimes people have had it with being corrected when they might not have meant any harm.
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I've always wanted to lift a large quadraped over my head

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