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Loving a Narcissist

10 single digits
That's all I asked of you
To hear your voice and not read
Sweet things you'd say like I miss and I love you

Everything had to be complicated
Because clear communication was lacked
Mostly due to an aversion to cellular phones
Though you were in love your Insta, your tweets, and your snaps

I do miss you terribly
And yes my heart aches for you
I've seen your hints and posts
You've carefully laid out as clues

I want so much to respond to them
To let you know I read the message
They're coming through loud and clear
Instead I decided to write these words
To release my hearts burdens and fears

And as I spell it all out
Enduring this painful and insufferable schism
It hurts deeply to read your own words
And how you play both the hero and also the victim

I fought so hard to keep you by my side
In fact, I asked and I begged it's true
Instead you chose to ran off and to hide
Then sing a sad song as if you're singing the blues

The lyrics point to all those once in your life
The ones that you they didn't want
How they hurt you and then snubbed you
All of them throwing you right out the door

Yet where are the lyrics
Just a few which explain
How it was you who was responsible for leaving this last time
And lyrics describing all those times
It was me that you'd ignore

Please don't you worry one bit
For my heart it doesn't hate
But there's no room in my life
For things like luck, fortune, or fate

I'll wrap this all up neatly
And repeat myself once more
An app request and 10 digits
Are what is needed from you
Towards making any kind of amends

Just a little bit of action to show
To back up some of what was written
Like saying I let it all go
While you're still hanging on

Well, on your next choice, you see
Is where everything is hinged
And I still love you hole punches
Though my heart has been singed

And as my heart still aches for you
I have to say this as well
Bleeding love, feeling blue, to barely exist
That's certainly now way to live
Holding your breath and waiting to hear from
Someone so special, someone who's a narcissist

~Xanthan 7/2020

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@LilMissKushy: I used to.have a poetry book. Well it was a 3" three ring binder. But that got lost moving around. I would love to be published but I generally keep my words and such to myself. I get particular about sharing. Many times, even when I write for someone else, I put a lot into it. I am glad you enjoyed this. :)

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@LilMissKushy: thank you. I appreciate the support. I have been writing a lot more. I'll share on here for you :)

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@LilMissKushy: did you get some art time in?

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@LilMissKushy: nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. You can't give to others what you don't have. So rest up and stay strong.

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@LilMissKushy: tell me about it. I cringe when I think of the temp and humidity. It makes my fat cry jk

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@LilMissKushy: the heat and I have never seen eye to eye. It is miserable. Happy Birthday though :) a quarantine bday is a safe bday but probably not what you ever had in mind. Maybe you can face time friends or family to stay connected and celebrate? Garden games sound like a lot of fun. I am painting my walls lol

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@LilMissKushy: that sounds like a helluva good time to me. I'm so glad you got to celebrate in one form or fashion. You're so blessed to have family around. Nearly all of my family has passed and then well I don't have the greatest record with guys so....eh it is just me and my son.

Today has been good but trying. My ac is messing up. I fixed it a little to get by until maintenance shows. My son and I have been painting our apartment. No more paneling and bring on the yellow and purple. Lol we did some shopping off the fb marketplace for new decor. And I finally got around to buying what I needed to fix the marks, the broken, and the demolished items from when my ex would get angry. It helps just seeing a light switch cover where once there was none because he threw things and smashed it.

On a different note, I have someone special who is having a birthday soon and Idk what to do for them. It is someone I'm close to and I mean we probably should socially distance more than we do but again Idk I need to think of something.

@xanthan: yeah we really had a great time .. it made me happy to see the girls really enjoying themselves being messy with the paint xD im so sorry to hear about family members passing i wish everyone could live forever <3
I hope maintenance show up soon to fix ur AC with the weather u described u guys will need it.. yellow and purple sounds so pretty i feel like purple goes really nice with most colours.. facebook market has some good stuff on there.. and im glad u got what u needed.. i had to get my niece a travelling cot off there because i had been in town and checked all the shops and none of them had one.. so i seen a guy selling a new one not even out of the box so i snapped it up.. my niece is very hyper and shes a big strong girl so shes been through 3 of them cots since ive had her she likes to bounce in it and swing off it and eventually the connections break lol
Im sorry ur ex acted like that.. :/ its better for you that shes an ex now... over here the government said that up to 2 people can social distance in the same garden.. so maybe if u did something nice in the garden with some candles some little bits of decor and some those little pretty fairy lights make dinner .. all while social distancing and wearing ur masks