medically, i'm scared. stroke/aneurysm.

Ghostie

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I know right now is a scary time for everyone. I've always had anxiety about illness and coming into Covid has been it's own battle for me, as I'm sure it's been for many others.

Idk where else I can talk about this, so I'm going to talk about it here.

For a bit of context, I almost died from the flu when I was 14. I found out then that my white blood cell count is low. More tests for the year following showed it was still low, but no answers as to WHY. Never got an answer, but was taught to be extremely cautious when illness is going around. This was the only year of my life that my parents took me to doctors. I won't go into the personal stories about why.

My whole life since then, when I get sick i get SICK. A cold has me out of work for 2 weeks even though I can't afford it. When Covid first was announced to be in the US, I immediately quit my job because they didn't plan to close. I wasn't risking my life. My boyfriend, thankfully, was supportive and willing to take the financial hit for my health. He's the best. I'm talking the BEST.

Now that my city is hit so hard with Covid cases and my state's governor doesn't seem to want to fix it, I feel trapped. I haven't seen anyone outside of my household since MARCH. I've been unemployed and scared.

Fastforward to about a month ago. My blood pressure hit about 160/90. I was scared. This isn't normal. I made healthier choices, started eating less fast food and getting out of bed more. Because during this my depression got so bad and I couldn't go out anywhere so I just laid in bed all day. I gained about 40 Ibs since the pandemic started and I know my BP is my fault.

I went to a hospital because the google told me to. The doc said it wasn't stroke range so not to worry and to only come back if it was over 200/90 which is RIDICULOUS. He also said to watch for headaches and if I started having them to see a specialist and gave me a referral.

I stopped checking my BP out of fear and I now get migraines every day. I think my anxiety is getting the better of me though. I grind my teeth when I sleep now, since about 2 months ago when stress hit hard. I think I possibly have TMJ and it's causing the headaches and jaw aches. But I've just been medicating with dayquil/nyquil since I can't swallow pills well and it's basically just liquid acetaminophen. The pain went away last night when I kept reminding myself to RELAX MY JAW. but i still got a massive headache later. I have a twitching in my temple on top of it, which is supposedly a sign of blood clot. it's lasted 2 weeks now, you're supposed to see a doctor after a week of muscle spasms that don't stop, especially in your head.

I'm legitimately scared the twitching/head pain is a blood clot leading me to a stroke or aneurysm. This may seem crazy but the symptoms are all there, starting from high blood pressure.

I may be a hypochondriac and I'm willing to accept that diagnosis, but I have no way to receive it seeing as I can't afford a doctor outside of the ER who will not run the necessary tests to see if there actually is something wrong. I'm stuck in a loop where I'm trying to accept that I may or may not be about to have something very serious happen and there is no way to get help until it does.

It's driving me crazy.

Basically, I just want to get this all out there and know I said it to someone other than my boyfriend, who tries to make me worry less but accidentally makes me feel like he's not taking me seriously.

Has ANYONE ELSE worried something was wrong when they were fine? Please? I'd love reassurance but also understand if it isn't there.

MoodyB

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『 Moody Says. . .』

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My mom had a stroke about 10 years ago but what your describing sounds more like
anxiety. I have a sister who has extreme health anxiety and it does sound like you have a lot of health anxiety
which is completely understandable.

Of course you do not need to listen to me as I am not a professional.
For my mom's stroke it was more so caused because She has M.S.
and when it happened I wasn't there but from what my dad told me she could not move at all.
Like she just couldn't move her body. It's different for everyone of course.

But i would stray away from googling symptoms as it just makes you spiral into an anxiety attack
and will tell you "You have this, or this" and it's not a healthy habit at all.

Sometimes doctors can be wrong but sometimes they can be right as well.
If they prescribed a solution to what you've been dealing with I wouldn't try to convince myself something is wrong
as anxiety absolutely loves to make you feel like everything is wrong.

If you need my attention for any reason please ping me.
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Kitalpha Hart

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Are ya ready, guyz?!

Dad was 198/something low triple digits and he was discharged despite obviously having a stroke. So that was an adventure of orz

But yeah, you sound a loooooot more like stress induced anxiety than anything else
Also, Google is about as bad as WebMD with the medical stuff, so don't deal with them

Do sounds relax you? https://mynoise.net/ may be good for you, lots of options and even within the setting there's many things that can be changed to fine tune them

Put ya guns awn!

quest♤Shop

Priestess of Pie

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I agree that it sounds more like anxiety. A check up wouldn't hurt though if you can find the money to do so. I don't think anything is wrong, but it would give you peace of mind. That being said, I personally have TMJ and anxiety and a lot of the symptoms you describe are quite familiar to me. Headaches most especially. You may benefit from meditation if you can get your brain to quiet down. If not, mindfullness may be a better option. Just try to focus on things your senses are picking up. Things you feel with your skin, things you hear, smell, etc. Focus on the way it feels to breathe. Not to try and figure out anything, just to acknowledge it. Taking in your surroundings as they are can be very grounding when anxiety flares up.

As for the temple twitching, I didn't know that was a sign of a blood clot, but I don't think that's all it can signify. That happens to me sometimes, along with other places like my eye or cheek. Only when I'm stressed out.

Anyway, I think that some de-stressing would help you immensely.

Mallow

Tumbleweed
My Sons

Lithinel

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November 2017 - February 2018

@ghostie: First I want to say... I totally get where you're coming from. Although *knocks wood * I haven't recently been having as many health problems as you are having right now, your fear is totally valid and I'm right there with you. Especially since you had a terrible experience in the past.

But that's the thing with our anxiety, it makes us think the worst of every situation, especially where our health is concerned. And especially when you have an experience like you did. I've literally had panic attacks thinking I would die if I accidentally ate something that had a tiny bit of mold and not knowing it was there. So believe me when I say... you are not alone with your feelings.

My mom has had 2 strokes in the past. One in 2011 and one in 2015. I can't remember exactly what caused the first one, but until that point in her life she had been a long time smoker, which I defintely think contributed to it. And the second was because she stopped taking her medication. And she's always had low blood pressure. So I think as far as strokes go, you should be fine. It doesn't hurt to keep an eye on things and be aware, but I'm just saying I don't think high BP alone would cause you to have one.

Now, I'm not a doctor but but I think anxiety can raise blood pressure as well? So it's not totally your fault. I mean, weight gain doesn't really help that's for sure. But that's not the only factor in your BP. And I'm not in any position to lecture anyone about health. I've gained about 45 to 50 pounds in probably the last year or two myself and haven't been able to get back on track with losing.
I'm obese, according to my BMI and I overheat really easily, but my blood pressure for the most part is pretty normal.
*knocks wood * And I'm almost sure it's hereditary. So if you have any family members who suffer from high BP, that could also be a contributing factor.

Besides that, you're doing the right thing by cutting back on fast food and attempting to move more often. So nobody can fault you for that. In fact you should be really proud of yourself. Because even baby steps in the right direction is very helpful in the long run.

In my case, every anti-anxiety medication I've tried has done absolutely nothing for me. I'm not saying this will be the case for you, but in my experience, I haven't found a working one yet. And I've been on 5 different medications thus far. I've also not gotten much out of therapy. But then again, I haven't had the greatest experience there either. My first therapist was not a good fit for me at all, she didn't respect my limits and pushed me way too far way too fast. My second therapist was amazing, but she was only an intern and once her internship was up, she moved to a different office and couldn't accept y insurance. My third and current therapist seems pretty good, but I've only seen her in person about 3 or 4 times. First she went on maternity leave, and then with COVID, I've only been able to do zoom sessions. And most of them were either related to my grief of losing my other cats, or COVID related fears. So I haven't been able to work on my Generalized Anxiety or Social Anxiety very much with her.

As far as COVID goes, I'm experiencing anxiety related to that as well. But for me, I'm not as worried about the virus as I am these darned masks. I haven't gone out much at all lately either, but that's because masks ARE mandated anytime you leave your house in my state.

If I do go out, I try to keep my trips under 10 minutes, or 15 at the absolute maximum. Otherwise, I start having a panic attack, thinking I'm going to pass out and suffocate to death due to lack of oxygen. I already have breathing issues so being forced to wear a mask makes it nearly impossible for me to breathe. I've tried thin silky-like cloth masks and the normal surgical masks and it makes no difference for me. They're both hard for me to breathe in and any time I'm out, I'm just counting down the minutes till I can finish up and finally get my mask off.

I still have difficulties finding ways to manage my anxiety, so I can't really give you much help there. If you like the scent of lavender at all, either get some essential oil, lavender scented lotion, soap, or burn a lavender scented candle or incense? It's not a cure-all, but it defintely helps for relief of anxiety in the moment. Or if you like taking baths, maybe you could try some bath bombs? Again not a cure all, but for nearly instant relief for a good few hours or so, that has worked wonders for me. Especially if I do so before bed. It helps me actually fall asleep and stay asleep. There are other scents in aroma therapy that help with anxiety too, but my favorite by far is lavender.

Ghostie

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@Totalanimefan:
@MoodyBats:
@Kitalpha Hart:
@Priestess of Pie:
@Lithinel:

Thank you all for your kind words and reassurance.

Of course I've been telling myself it's anxiety getting the better of me. I've had anxiety my entire life and had my first fullblown panic attack 2 years ago. Paralyzed and cramped up arms, face cramped to the point I couldn't speak, I thought for sure I was dying and was rushed to the ER for it. I've had a few since then. But I haven't been able to afford to go back to therapy since they started and have been unmedicated this entire time.

I know when I get what feel like symptoms of something else, I overthink to the point of anxiety attacks, which are not nearly as scary as my panic attacks, but do trick my brain into thinking I must be dying, so it just spirals until I've found a way to calm myself down.

Yesterday afternoon I had one and my boyfriend took me to the shower, put the water on hot and let me stick my head in it until I calmed down, then he washed me. He's been the most amazing source of support so I'm lucky I have that during this.

I used to work in a massage therapy place so I know all about aromatherapy, which one of you mentioned. I am allergic to lavender unfortunately, I used to use mint and citrus but as my symptoms have worsened, they don't do much good for me.

I do know the headaches could be caused by stress, I've just simply never had a migraine last weeks without end before and it's really scary. Yesterday I slept all day, woke up for a couple of hours to walk my dog and eat, then slept through the night, hoping the headache would be gone when I woke this morning. It started again about 20 minutes after I woke up. At this point I'm going insane. I don't wanna keep taking pain medicine. Even when I take it, I can tell the migraine is there, I just don't feel it as strongly. I'm light sensitive and the vision in my right eye is worse than normal.

I do appreciate you all trying to help me remember that my anxiety causes these sorts of symptoms and worrying can worsen them. I don't think I'm ready to write it off as that yet but I'll keep trying to remind myself. I really need to get back into therapy and see a doctor. I'm hoping when I start my new job I'll be able to afford something since the pandemic is keeping us from spending so much money.

I think this post may just be jumbled thoughts, I'm finding it hard to focus. Thanks for listening <3

Lithinel

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November 2017 - February 2018

@ghostie: That is super unfortunate that you can't use lavender though. Citrus scents tend to be energizing, so it's best to stay away from those kinds of scents. If you're willing to try other types of aroma therapy, maybe you can give other florals a shot? Like rose, jasmine, chamomile or geranium. But if they don't work for you, they don't. And that's totally okay as well. Everybody is different and not every method is a "one size fits all"

I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend is super supportive though. Having someone like that is super important for sure. If you ever need someone else to just listen without worries of judgement, feel free to shoot me a message. While I may try and suggest other alternatives for certain symptoms, I will never intentionally invalidate your concerns. Because... I totally get it. It doesn't help at all when someone says "oh it's just such and such, it's nothing to worry about" or "you're overreacting, just calm down." Actually, that makes things worse, because logically, I know things aren't as bad as my brain is trying to make things out to be.

Recently I've had a kind of interesting situation occur. Long story short, one of my best friends from high school moved away to college a few hours from me back in 2018 and I've seen her once and talked to her through text maybe 3 times since then ended up coming back during the pandemic. Now I've tried texting her multiple times but to no avail, often getting no reply at all.

After things calmed down a bit, pandemic wise, my other best friend who I've actually gotten closer to in recent years came over a visit and asked me if I wanted to meet up with my other best friend from high school (we're all mutual friends and were super close before she left for college) but I was super skeptical due to my experiences of not hearing from her after reaching out so many times and expressed my concerns. I couldn't sleep due to these concerns, and my current best friend took the time to assure me that they were totally valid and that she didn't wanna add more stress to everything and so didn't press the issue.

Basically, my point it... from my experience having someone who will make you feel validated helps out tremendously. So please don't be afraid to reach out if you need to. I promise, I will try to validate your feelings as much as I can while still trying to help. Or if you don't feel like advice, I'm totally willing to just hear you out and let you vent as well.

Ghostie

Friend PM Trade

@Lithinel: Thank you so much for that offer, I really appreciate it. <3

My best friend is someone I met online about 14 years ago. We still talk almost every day. We met in person finally last year for her birthday, I flew up to see her for 5 days.

But lately she's been busy dealing with her own problems. I've been there for her as much as I can but I have to be honest, I've become a bit exhausted always answering her texts and calls and listening to her problems while mine have been mostly ignored. I know she isn't doing it on purpose, but sometimes it feels like I just need a break from certain friendships. I'm tired. So I may just take you up on that since currently I don't feel like I have someone to talk to about some things. And of course, I'd like to offer the same in return. I don't always know how to help, but I am a really good listener if you ever just need to vent and have someone pay attention to you or share similar stories if I have them. I find that hearing someone else can kind of understand how I feel is actually very helpful sometimes.

Lithinel

Friend PM Trade

November 2017 - February 2018

@ghostie: Of course! I'm always willing to lend an ear or help out when I can. <3 I don't have a lot of life experience since I'm still pretty fresh out of high school, but whatever ways I can help I'm willing to.

But yeah, no worries at all. Please do feel free to take me up on my offer. And thank you so much as well. I may actually end up taking you on your offer someday as well.

Ghostie

Friend PM Trade

@Totalanimefan: unfortunately i've tried marijuana and cbd and they actually made my anxiety worse. it's not common but it is possible for some of us :( i actually used to smoke recreationally but ever since i started getting panic attacks, it affects me differently. i tried CBD oil when it was recommended to me and i gave it a couple weeks before deciding it wasn't right for me.

also unfortunately the doctor is just not a possibility right now. but as soon as it is i will be seeing about anxiety meds again.

i'm sorry to hear it's affecting you so badly, too. i am comforted to know i'm not the only one but i also wish other people didn't have to go through what i go through. if that makes sense.

Ghostie

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@Totalanimefan: i hope it works for you! i know plenty of people who swear by it :)

Ghostie

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@Totalanimefan: i think it depends on your body and how much you use. anywhere from 2-6 hours i think.

vessel

Friend PM Trade

⇜┈┈┈┈┈┈ ∘ ꕥ ∘ ┈┈┈┈┈┈⇝

thats awful! i'm so sorry youre going through that. i'm going thru a lot of health issues too that get exasperated by my anxiety
even if its not 100% anxiety related and you do have something going on, trying to do things to relieve the stress will also help whatever might be happening to ur body since stress causes inflammation and makes the body to go into Crazy Mode.

whenever i have panic attacks the only thing that helps me is this one fckin... youtube video lmao i'll link you, it also helps me with the anxiety from my weird illnesses and body stuff. i'd call it the poor man's therapist

here it is... the one thing that calms me down

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pm me if u wanna donate 2 my living funds
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Ghostie

Friend PM Trade

@Totalanimefan: I'm sorry to hear you won't be able to try it. I hope you find something soon!

Also thank you so much for checking in. I'm actually doing so much better since I made this post. My migraines have stopped, the ghost pains in my arm and chest have mostly vanished and I'm just doing... fine.

I recently started streaming on twitch and have already been invited to become an affiliate and that has been such a huge motivator in my life to keep pushing and it also gives me something to hyper-focus on., I've spent every day just grinding twitch, networking with other small streamers, bonding with my friends by playing games with them on stream and just seriously building up my confidence through it. I still have the weird twitches but the other "symptoms" i was worried about have mostly disappeared. So currently, I'm doing fine.

How are you doing??

@vessel: thank you for linking me this, i will DEFINITELY look into it when my anxiety peaks again. i really appreciate you sharing it with me.

Forums Serious Talk medically, i'm scared. stroke/aneurysm.

Ghostie

MoodyB

Kitalpha Hart

Priestess of Pie

Lithinel

Ghostie

Lithinel

Ghostie

Lithinel

Ghostie

Ghostie

Ghostie

vessel

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