having a hard time being homeless

vessel

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im really struggling
the amount of stress on my mind and body is really bad for me

everytime we're in a store i think about drinking, like when walking down wine aisles etc. i know i cant have any of it without getting horribly sick but part of me is like just wanting SOMETHING. i cant have alcohol i cant have opiates i cant have stimulants and i cant have a n y t h i n g. weed barely helps my pain at all and my brain is just. fckin goin FAST and im constantly in work & trauma mode. i can rly see why so many houseless folk cant get off of drugs - the physical & emotional pain is intense and ive barely even gone thru the hard shit of it

ive been clean from self-harm for about two years now but everytime i get stressed out and start having an autism melt down its the first thing my brain goes to. its getting really scary the images i get in my head and the craving

i've also still been in horrible pain - i cant keep up with my meds and i cant keep up with my HRT. the most i can do is try and eat and sleep and get to where we need to go
and the state is on fire and i'm right near where both of my parents live and aaaaaaaaaaaa im screaming

idk what to do for self care anymore either. we're at the cheapest airbnb we could find because of how hot it is and all the smoke is bad for my asthma so i have internet rn at least but i cant focus on anything long enough to relax

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vessel

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i also was harassed by a cop recently and as like a very obvious disabled autistic queer person it was really fckin scary
like he had his hand near his gun and everything and only left once my partner showed up
like he changed his demeanor completely bcus my partner seemed confident and i seemed """unhinged""""

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vessel

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@milkshake: thank u so much u_u its definitely been a struggle and has really shown me how much i can overcome if anything. i know im gonna get low points but im rly rly trying to not let them get so low that i relapse or smth

i'm gonna stay alive n im gonna try n stay alive <3

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Miss Sandman

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How is that that so many americans where homeless once in theyre lifes? Its just so unbelievable!!!!

vessel

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@Miss Sandman: its just how capitalism works - this is a good piece on it and and so is this. its really fucked up!

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Kittyzilla

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Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.

@vessel: I know it's hard at times but look how far you made it already. And i know it's been said so many times and different ways but 'there is a light at the end of the journey' even if it doesn't seem like it. I know i have to keep reminding my self that in my own personal dark times. And i'm sure at some point things will start getting better for you even though they seem so far away right now.

Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

Deaa

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@vessel: do you have a cashapp or Venmo or something? I can't give much cause of rent and bills, but I can give a bit!
if money would help

vessel

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@Kittyzilla: yeah im just hoping things get better and trying to get myself to know that things will get better, even if it looks different from how i imagined it would be.... u kno? i appreciate it <3

@Deaa: my cashapp is $stinkyfish! thank you so much <3 it means a lot to me to get monetarily help esp in rough times

@Totalanimefan: just having support is enough for me!
the fires are really scary, i can barely breathe in portland right now. i hope ur friend at least finds somewhere safe to go
and yeah ive been looking into resources but its still hard, i'll get it though!

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pm me if u wanna donate 2 my living funds
☹