Anxiety is really hurting my opportunities...

Seihou

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So I have PTSD, and anxiety is a really big thing in my life. I try to get a job and stick with it, but eventually, I end up leaving after either a stressful event happens or something happens that's out of my control (court hearing, abrupt move, things like that). I do want to work, because I hate the idea of not being able to earn my own keep and do things for myself, but I also don't like the current jobs I have to work in. They're usually either fast food places, or grocery stores, and both places stress me out so much. It doesn't help that there's a lot of pressure into working all the time, especially grocery stores. I get that grocery stores are super busy but I don't want to slave away and get yelled at by both customers and managers for either being too slow or not doing something perfect right away.

My anxiety makes me feel like I really don't want to go to work. If there's a minor mistake that I made, I want to quit out of anxiety and give up. At least in my new job that I've been able to get this week. It's a mom and pop grocery store, and you'd think because it's small it would be a good fit for me. Nope. I also have to worry about cleaning up and taking inventory, and while people are nice and they're pretty flexible, and the job is only a 10 minute walk from my house, it doesn't help that I feel anxious and nervous about everything. People really scare me, and it doesn't help that I am working at a Mexican grocery store. They speak Spanish all the time, and while technically that isn't a problem, sometimes I get so anxious, I am unable to speak. It really freaks me out a bit how much my anxiety is affecting me while I work. I think I'll be able to handle it more the longer I work, but at the moment it feels as though my anxiety is going to make me quit, and I don't want that. I need the money so that I can pursue a better job for myself.

It doesn't help that a lot of my insecurities are heavy based off the fact that I'm not able to express myself properly and I tend to be unable to speak out about things. Or that I rarely talk, at all. There's a lot of stuff that freaks me out, and it really makes things worse for me.

I don't know. Maybe this is a PTSD thing, or it might just be a me thing, but all I know is that holding down a job looks like it's very difficult for me. I wish that wasn't the case, but damn.

Glume

Friend PM Trade

I identify with this so much. I had anxiety about everything (and thanks to quarantine isolation, some of it is coming back). Sadly, the thing that worked best for me was shock and emersion. I just kept throwing myself into the situations that made me feel THE MOST anxious. It sucked for a while until it just didn't anymore. And trust that I know this is the last advice you'd want to take, because hard same lol. I don't even want to do it again to get rid of the tinier bit of anxiety that came back. Just know that you are not at all alone at feeling that way, and probably a lot more people are experiencing this nowadays too. You can always just say "sorry, I'm having bad anxiety, may I take a step outside to collect myself?" and probably someone will understand.

Seihou

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@Glume: That's what I've been trying to do in recent years actually. It's just super difficult, but I do get why that would work. For me, my anxiety comes from not knowing things and not knowing people's motives. I would feel a lot better about things when having an anxiety attack if I learn about what I don't know. Even then, these kinds of situations are very difficult to deal with sometimes. It's really scary, especially when it seems like you're having to deal with it alone. Usually, I'd have friends to talk to that can help me get distracted, but I've been having a rough patch with my best friends recently, and my online friends are all busy with school or work. That probably adds onto the anxiety too. T ^ T

Hydrangea

Friend PM Trade

This. I hate retail jobs or jobs that deal with a lot of pressure or stress and the thought of doing one mistake or even if you didn't and still get blamed or yelled at for said mistake. It doesn't help I avoid jobs that deals with customer face-to-face all the time which I know it doesn't help me. Then there are shady coworkers, managers or customers (depends) and them acting like a toxic a**hole (ex: talking about you in a negative way behind your back while you're still here, etc.) to you for no reason which would make you want to leave the job as soon as possible. It also gave me a very bad impression on work in general and made me feel bitter.

I don't have any good advice, but anxiety does sucks and definately no fun at all. Not being able to express yourself or speak comfortably is.... I don't know what's the suitable word for this and sorry if I sound (or my sentence looks) rude. ^^;

Glume

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@Seihou: That is EXACTLY why I got anxiety too. It was all based around not having any practical experience in ANYTHING. I was personally raised a shut in, I never left the house unless I had to and everyone insisted on doing everything for me until I was far too old. There was always this "how could you not know how to do this basic task, everyone else knows how" attitude anytime I asked for help, too. I TOTALLY get that feel.

Seihou

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@ChiffonOrange: I totally agree with you! Thankfully, at my job things are a bit more laidback. I was having a bad mental health day when I posted this thread, but I think it's a good idea to talk about anxiety and stuff! D: It really sucks when you're having it, and you feel insane because it's so much to deal with! But the people at my job is more understanding and patient with me, and they're pretty nice so far. I just have a problem with my anxiety, unfortunately.
And it's okay! I was actually just really bad at socializing with people in general ever since I was a kid. I was super shy and anxious, and we moved every single year until I got to middle school, so I never had real friends. It was tough, and now I'm having trouble talking to people in general. Dang social anxiety T ^ T

@Glume: I was kinda the same way! For some weird reason, my mom didn't let me hang out with kids when I was little, so I never actually got to have friends outside of school. My best friends when I was younger were basically my cousins, which isn't bad, but that's not entirely good either. I also moved a lot, so that's another reason why I didn't have actual friends. Then I had trust issues from trauma and stuff, and that just turns into a mess of a human, and that's how I am D': I'm working on it in therapy, but boy, is that one of the biggest problems I've been having nowadays.
And the funny thing is, I actually like talking to new people! But my anxiety makes me doubt myself and it sucks. I hate it T ^ T

@milkshake: Yeah yeah, true! Man, I hope things get easier for you. And I also hope your pregnancy goes well!! How far along are you, if you're comfortable with me asking? O:

@Totalanimefan: I get fatigued and mentally exhausted, but either way, it's a struggle D': I already go to therapy though, and it really helped to talk it out with my therapist. She gave me a lot of encouragement, because she figured that the reason why I have the urge to quit is because of the belief that I'm not good enough and how I think super low about myself. It's pretty bad, and she literally spent the entire session drilling into my head that I'm not giving myself enough credit. She's right, of course, but self love comes really difficult for me T ^ T
But don't worry! I've already told my therapist about taking medication again, and she agreed (though she still was like "GIVE YOURSELF MORE CREDIT OKAY??") I'm lucky that I have an amazing therapist that really knows how to help me. She's super great. I can't even imagine the headache you get from trying to explain to doctors about your PTSD and them not fully understanding what you mean. It sucks. I already had to deal with that in my family, but professionals? >~<
For right now, I'm just going to stick with the job I currently have. I don't have my own car, so it'll be a good idea to stay anyway. It's only a 10 minute walk from my house, it's super close. The pay isn't great though, which sucks, but at least it's something. I'm also hoping to save up money to start a pharmacy technician course, because I actually do like talking to new people, but my anxiety gets in the way. I also have a tendency to really try to help people, so the medical field seems like a great place to get into. Once I can get that, I'll be in a better spot than before! :D That's enough motivation for me to stay in this job. That, and also I need the money for my meds!

Hydrangea

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@seihou: I see *nods* And yes, that is so true. I wish anxiety and other stuff were discussed in a neutral way more often (at least, then again it also depends on which country/area you live in) so people won't feel like being ridiculed, etc. and more comfortable.

Me either, I felt the same way whenever it comes socialization as a kid which made me feel like an outsider at most, even as a teen. Not having real friends can be quite painful to think of sometimes, especially after high school as you'll be spending alone until elderhood unless the situation has changed drastically. And yes, I agree. F*** social anxiety! >:c

Glume

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@Seihou: It gets better. For me, anxiety comes back in waves, but I'm developing coping strategies. You got this!

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Seihou

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@Totalanimefan: Yeah, that really sucks. Needles are scary, and it doesn't matter whether they hurt or not. If you're scared of needles, you're scared and sometimes it's just a thing that doesn't get fixed right away. D:
And yeah, the doctor should learn more about it at least! >~< Their whole job is to HELP people and get them to a healthy state. Ugh, that's frustrating.
That's great that you got the vaccine and faced your PTSD! That sounded like it took a lot out of you, but you did it! :D I'm happy that one nurse was definitely able to help you a lot with that process!
Well, I'm not ENTIRELY car-free, but if I didn't have a ride, I can definitely just walk to my job, which is convenient I guess. I'm just hoping that no one from work will figure out where I live, because I am lowkey scared they'll come hunt me down at my house. Not like that would EVER happen, but my anxiety is very troublesome. ^ ^; If I could use the metro all the time, I would! But because I live in the countryside, you HAVE to drive everywhere. I would love to move to the city where all the metro buses are though ; - ; But thank you! I'm definitely trying to figure things out so I can start my pharmacy tech course soon. I'm also trying to see if I can get a legal name change soon too, but that might take longer >>;;

@ChiffonOrange: Yeah, I definitely agree! People should be educated about mental health issues and how to help yourself or someone else with that. There's so much stigma going around and it really is so harmful, especially to the people who really need the support! D: And then don't even get me started on the American school system, they literally make things so much worse on kids' mental health. If I can fight whoever invented that, I would!
And yeah, socializing is pretty hard, but the best thing we could do is try to practice with people who can be patient with us. Thankfully, I have some friends who help me with that, and I can speak up about problems I'm having with them without them lashing out on me. Either way, it'll still take a while till I get used to doing that kind of thing, which seriously sucks.

@Glume: My anxiety just comes up a lot in my life, hence why I'm going to get back on medication for the time being. Either way, I'll definitely be doing some coping skills to help myself with my anxiety. Thank goodness for anxiety toys and stuff like that :'D

@milkshake: I'm sure you'll be great. What matters most is that you care for your baby and that you try your best in taking care of them and raising them. Parenting is hard, but also amazing! I'm not a mom, but I might as well be since I've taken care of my cousins and sisters all my life, so I can sorta relate to the struggle. Be sure to take care of yourself too though! If you're not okay, the baby won't be okay either, so take care of your mental health if you feel like you're struggling! Especially during your pregnancy!

I'm sure you can figure out a way to make everything work out. If anything, you could always look for local organizations that help pregnant women if you haven't already. Those are super helpful!

Hydrangea

Friend PM Trade

@Seihou: Same here on the Malaysian school system as well, they're a lot worse when it comes to mental health issues and education system (mainly focusing on memorization and less on actually do things with passion or some sort ._. ) True, then again there are people who don't have any friends or family they can trust with without worry/fear.

Forums Serious Talk Anxiety is really hurting my opportunities...

Seihou

Glume

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Hydrangea

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Seihou

Hydrangea

Glume

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