:vanora_sad:
I don't know what's going on, but it seems everyone's getting into serious motorcycle accidents this month. I wont get into the non relatives but just.. it's not exclusive. I'm losing my mind with all the consistent bad news.

First was my cousin, like one of the few ones Im close with. Came real close to losing him, he's going to be in the hospital for.. quite a while. He has several surgeries to get through to repair limbs, bladder, pelvic. aorta had a nick in it. This is pretty scary for the family. But after the first week, he was able to respond to texts and calls (though he's not supposed to cause it strains him, he's just stubborn). As much as I'm happy to hear from him and that his noggin is working just fine, I wait to check up on him for a few more weeks cause he needs serious rest.

I cried pretty hard about it cause I was worried of course. But then I cried again cause go figure, it was the day before his child's 3rd birthday that he had a party planned for.

I really wasn't ready for my sisters to be blowing up my phone tonight to tell me my dad also got in a motorcycle accident and is getting a rod put in his leg as I type this.
I just
I can't handle this, it hurts too much when people get hurt like this. It's too much for my mind to take.
I know he's going to be fine but it's bothering me so deeply.

I hate vehicles
I hate that it's like #1 cause for almost every tragedy in my family
and heck, friends too!
I've lost so many to accidents already
and so many more crippled by it

Why in the hells do we still build around NEEDING to drive these stupid death machines?
I say it all the time but i really really want to find a place where i can get rid of vehicles and just live on my feet. whys it so hard to find that :vanora_stunned:

horses can be scary too, but i trust one more than a machine.

I always really struggle with permanence.
permanent injury
permanent effect from something

like if i ever lost my finger, i don't fear the pain, but the permanence of it being gone forever is horrifying to me. i can't say why.

Thank you, though.
I know my mom is having a real hard time.

In truth dad's not okay
my sister has not been able to grasp the details because she's in shock, she isn't ok.
But he has a severe concussion, brain bleeding
I'm most worried for that
I dont know how to cope with these things today

@Totalanimefan:
yeah, thats going to be difficult to get through. But I just hope that he can become happy again. He struggles a lot with his bipolar, I hate if he'd just suffer for the rest of his life from this.
My sister is pretty messed up cause he couldn't recognize her, so there is also a big fear of his memories not returning. I know thats possible with brain bleed.

I can't express how glad I am my cousin pulled through. That was messing me up a few weeks ago

I have this list of referral or recommendations from my doctor from months ago, when I did that simple little survey that was like "yea you depressed af"
They're all normal, expensive things.
One had a free chat source for quick counseling. It was... not helpful. She tried her best but sounded too robotic and inauthentic.
She did try to recommend I text some 2-1-1 number that would provide affordable or free resources, but its "service is not available"
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

as always I give up

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧I'm so sorry to hear that. :( And I agree. I always talk about how I want to move somewhere that you don't need to rely on a vehicle to get anywhere and there are also hardly any vehicles in sight.

@Totalanimefan:
Yeah I'm super relieved, and that he's getting better faster than the doctor's would've thought.
It sucks that he's starting to feel everything now, and his head trauma is still a thing, sometimes he can't understand why he's suffering. He's mostly cognitive and aware, but it sounds like he still has moments of confusion.

I've been upset cause I can't call FMLA and go help my mom, she's been fighting through all this and hardly eating :vanora_sad:
Be nice if I could help her maintain her home while she's at the hospital with dad. Get her cold waters, sandwiches or something.
stupid rules
stupid covid
stupid texas
bahh

@Anarchist Beauty:
Thing is, even with a helmet, your odds of surviving a motorcycle wreck is still slim. My dad had full protection on and still ended up with brain damage. Had he not worn his helmet he probably would've straight up died of course. But like even with the most protection... its still not worth driving motorcycles for such a risk. Why we dont have specific motorbike zones in the USA for how massive our land is, i do not know! :vanora_stunned: well money obv, but yeah..


@Totalanimefan:
He will be getting the help he needs thankfully <3
I was able to talk to them all on the phone a few times (they couldnt facetime, I think mom doesn't wanna admit she doesnt know how to use it lmao)
and Ive been texting with my mom frequently to just keep her mind from sitting too still. I'll feed her optimistic thoughts in a realistic manner and try to justify her concerns. I find that a healthy mix of religion and science works really well for her and it just kind of reassures her that he'll be alright.


In great news, my dad was moved out of the trauma ward earlier last week! His swelling has reduced a lot, but that also means he feels everything more. They've had him on meds that help with his brain and pain. But one sounds like it may have been triggering his BPD or something, making him really angry grumpy. So they cut that out, but then he had some signs of getting hooked on the opioids. So thats one of the current focuses to nip that before it becomes a nasty addiction. The doctors are taking care of it right away thankfully! He's just gonna have to be a lil grumpy while his system adjusts.

physical therapy is going well. He's been improving more each day, little by little.
He's able to eat solid food as of yesterday. Had his feeding tube removed.


And at last... I have a week off from work to digest!
I was surprised that my regional manager expressed frustration when I said I cant FMLA and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to see my dad (as a traveler, cause covid and such). While I agree I wouldn't want dad to be at risk from anything I'd carry in, its frustrating to not even help behind the scenes (aside from wiring money to feed mom). But I felt like my management would absolutely have my back if I could... so that feels nice!

Yes! I'm quite happy, but still keep myself ready in case anything declines. I dont know entirely how brain trauma might affect him in the long term.

I actually had a call yesterday where dad turned on the face camera and was holding the phone himself (until it ached cause he does have a fractured wrist on one hand, fractured metacarpals on the other). They had gotten him off of the opioids a week ago cause he was starting to get hooked, so now he's on some heavy Tylenol and such. But that means his brain isn't being slowed by the dilaudid so he is fully aware and himself. He forgets a little bit about what we talked about in the previous phone calls, so each time he tells me where his head space is and how his injuries are, how he's improving. Got this tube taken out, might get that tube taken out. He did have another surgery for his pelvic bone since it was coming loose already? Probably from him being so swollen at the time and now the swelling is down, so they put longer screws in. Got that patched up.

I'm glad that his headspace is good though. He wants to make a firm note with everyone that he doesn't feel messed up by this and it is what it is. He doesn't hate the person who hit him, cause realistically he doesn't think she just woke up that day and said "lets go kill somebody". He only concerns himself with whether they'll be financially compensated, which is something my mom and their attorney is still working on.

I learned it was a head on collision. I didn't want to know about the accident at all, but dad starts rambling when he talks and I think the meds or the brain trauma have caused him to lose all filter :vanora_xd: So he goes on tangents. He doesn't remember the accident still, but he recalls the information others have told him. No one knows 100% what happened, just that the evidence shows that the woman driving must have not been paying attention and pulled out in front of dad while he was going probably 55 (the road's speed limit, he's not usually a speeder). A fire fighter did something specific that I don't want to know the details of, but its thanks to that person that dad's alive at all. My family is sorting out a gift basket to thank them (but having a friend bring it to him cause GOD thats too heavy for us to face ourselves)

Knowing more details on the accident messes with my head a bit, but I'll get over it.
Just the "try not to think about it" cause my mind and imagination work against me.