Forums Serious Talk nvm
@nyreen: Unfortunately, if someone doesn't see what is going on as wrong or a problem, they won't change it. You can't force someone to drop people out if their lives if they don't see the other person as an issue. Plus, Stockholm Syndrome is also used to describe abuse victims. It's a survival mechanism. I didn't know until recently that that's why I would bend over backwards for my father even though deep down, I knew he wouldn't ever give me the love I desired. So, I imagine that that's a big part of it.
Honestly, he really needs therapy and if he's not willing to work on it and it's hurting you as well and you can't take it, you may want to distance yourself.
In the end, he needs to make a conscious decision to help himself. Not you.
Honestly, he really needs therapy and if he's not willing to work on it and it's hurting you as well and you can't take it, you may want to distance yourself.
In the end, he needs to make a conscious decision to help himself. Not you.
@Gatorlec: Lol okay. The little bit saying "not you" was not helpful but thanks for the rest.
@nyreen: Lol okay. Don't ask for help if you don't want to hear other's opinions. You can get bitchy all you want but you can't make him do anything for himself. He has to do it and you can push and shove all you want but unless he takes initiative, nothing will change. I don't care if you don't like it, it's true and I'm not going to tiptoe and tell you bullshit that is untrue just so it doesn't upset you. Sorry not sorry. Thanks for wasting time.
@Gatorlec: Are you being serious right now? I'm not being bitchy, you were unnecessarily rude at the end of your post in a subject that is sensitive. I'm entirely aware of everything that you've said and know that he won't move on unless he takes initiative. And that it isn't about me. I'm not in denial and your attitude isn't appreciated.
call me grem
they/them
they/them
We\'ll carry on
@nyreen: to the
@Gatorlec: both of you:
Stop it right now. There is no need to fight or name calling. Drop the fight and move on.
Millet, spilling the tea: You desperately want to help. Havent succeeded in conveying the wake up call he needs, and you yourself feel like (probably) youre falling apart as your empathy essentially takes you side by side with him and respectively your feeling the torment that he is actively detaching from. Thats likely the only defense mechanism he knows, and its likely the one that worked best for himself growing up.
As someone with severe dissociative issues myself and struggling as an adult to ground myself without a panic attack from simple reality, I know the things that work best for me dont translate to best for him- an individial. But it may in some degree inapire something helpful. Or not ar all and if so, dearly sorry!
1) This hurdle is one that will need professional guidance as Gatorlec said. Therapies such as EMDR would be amazing for him to try and may help him more than just come to terms with the abuse, but provide the creation of healthy defense mechanisms so that as things go down in the present, hell have the tools ans internal strength to face these things as necessary instead of passively living and absorbing this extreme negativity.
2) in the meantime, while you cant offer the help a therapist can, I wonder if hed be receptive to auto-nervous system response stuff?
Have you told him that this whole thing is burning you out/leaving you overly concerned? Not sure the extent he is willing to discuss and explore at least self help techniques.
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Having you as a Voltie would be awesome.