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Forums Serious Talk Minirant : Why do i always have to deal with this?

Donator — She Posted 4 months ago ( 2020/05/22 10:54:13 )
I don’t know how many people I’ve been friends with who I’ve had to explain my history to, and they expect me to be this super all-knowing social land mine navigator.

During my formative years, i had a gap where i was in complete social isolation, and i mever got proper sex ed. Due to growing up in a mjorly abusive conservative muslim middle eastern home.

I do not always KNOW how to navigate controversial topics. I awkwardly phrase things and my thoughts get jumbled because of anxiety and because i see every viewpoint and just don’t know what to say. Do i nod an agree to make you happy? Do i say how i feel?

It seems like i always end up stepping on a land mine where no matter the maneuvers i go through i know there is no winning.

And they seem to not understand, even thought i say it all the time, There is a LOT i am still learning socially. And it is very, very, HARD for me to understand things. At times i am tone deaf, or i just speak my mind because I’m fucking SORRY BUT I DIDNT GET to figure out my life like most people did. I wasn’t even in school. I had no real relationships. And i lived in an areas where there were no neighbors for miles.

I am so freaking TIRED OF THIS. I haven’t even been feeling confident enough to go to work, and i want to quit school because there is always something. And no matter how much i try to apologize or avoid making issues it’s “you’re too quite.” “You’re a joy kill.” Or “you’re too much” and i hate it. I just want to be fucking normal. And I’m sorry if this is agressive but i am drowning and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Artist — Chaote Posted 4 months ago ( 2020/05/22 11:18:59 )
HEY. You're not alone. I was a hermit until I was about 27 years old. Social cues are hard. Figuring out how to be an independent adult is even harder. My go-to if people start looking at me weird when I say things is to laugh and say "Sorry, I don't understand social cues!" and usually it goes over well... However, this is after about 8 years of practice, and finally learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I was a horribly nervous and anxious child, told myself I was worthless and less-than just because I never left my house. I've definitely had my anxiety get the best of me, and have even just ran from work to home without telling anyone that I left. The best advice I can give, and the hardest advice to actually employ, is don't be hard on yourself about it. Its ok to make mistakes, thats how you learn. If other people want to judge you for that, F* 'em. Its not hard to be compassionate, and real friends will take the time to understand where you are coming from, and they'll help you get where you are going, too.

Donator — She Posted 4 months ago ( 2020/05/22 11:28:03 )
@Glume: the entire problem is i do say that. And i try to laugh it off but it doesn’t work. When i try to remind people “sometimes I don’t know so TELL ME.” They decide to just ghost or drop a land mine and I’m breaking down because I am honestly so crushed by all this i barely even want to go to work. And when i do I get so anxious i feel like I’m going to pass out of vomit. I have been almost 4 years sepf harm free but I am struggling to badly right now i know I’m close to relapsing and i just feel like conplete crap.

Artist — Chaote Posted 4 months ago ( 2020/05/22 11:38:32 )
@Lucifera: The people land-mining and ghosting you are horrible jerks. Its not your fault. There is nothing wrong with being who you are and absolutely nobody has the right to make you feel that way. I know saying that there are better people out there who will take the time to treat you right doesn't really help your immediate situation, but its worth keeping in mind. The biggest help I had was having someone in my corner, someone who would listen and understand, someone who would encourage rather than point out what I was doing wrong. If you ever need more of that kind of person, I'm here for you. You're awesome, what you're doing is not easy, and the fact that you keep trying is incredible. Its perfectly understandable that your confidence is shaken, but hopefully that will just strengthen your resolve to keep at it. Our biggest struggles can be used to fuel us to greatness.
Ping me, Devil Daddy, ping me.

Donator — Kushy Posted 4 months ago ( 2020/05/22 17:14:37 )
@lucifera: glume is right.. if people aren't patient and understanding and they make you feel like that then they're not real friends.. real friends understand and will listen and support you..
When i was younger everyone was my friend and as i got older i realised that some just used me for fighting their battles.. and i now just keep in touch with my 4 childhood friends who get me and understand my anxieties and get that i might not wanna talk all the time... im there for them and they're there for me... dont be hard on yourself just keep being you and if people dont get you an make u feel crappy its time to find some new friends.. im at a place in my life were i like peace and quiet so i dont social alot unless its my 4 childhood friends or i talk with friends online.. dont let anyone doubt yourself

Donator — She Posted 4 months ago ( 2020/05/22 21:12:15 )
@Glume: I am trying. It's just super exhausting to the point where I literally just want to stay in and not avoid people. I have the most fun by myself because I can be happy about something without having to worry about being stupid around other people. Mentally I'm just completely drained. I know these people obvi aren't realt friends, but every time it a blow and it just really friggin sucks.

@LilMissKushy: I'm really trying. I honestly felt like I was finally doing good and I had some semblance of normalcy coming and then it's been just constantly something pops up. I just wish there was a magic switch for this kind of thing.

Voltie Posted 4 months ago ( 2020/05/23 00:29:03 )
People think too much of themselves. They believe they are right and correct and if something is unusual or disagreeable that it is a the problem. They cannot fathom they might be the problem or that another viewpoint exists. They will speak as if they know and the fact they speak to you at all is a gift. "What you dont know THAT about sex? Wow!!!" You can hear we can all hear.

God forbid you tell them your Islamic beliefs, if you have any, and they tell you how you are wrong. Do the same to them and see how suddenly it is all so different for them!

Compassion isn't being nice. It is how you approach the world. You don't meet compassionate people.

Eid Mubarak.

Donator — Kushy Posted 4 months ago ( 2020/05/23 00:43:09 )
@lucifera: there will be days better than others.. sometimes cutting of negative people and surrounding yourself with positive people can help alot..stay positive and just keep being you ..if people cant accept you for who you are then thats their issue not urs <3

Donator — She Posted 4 months ago ( 2020/05/26 00:19:52 )
@TomYum: The problem is just that. Like, I took 2 different viewpoints, but explained mine. It was over some trivial detail on another website. They asked my opinion and when I pretty much said it wasn't that deep, I understand, but it's not worth making a complaint over, they just started to flip. I just hate that people ask you to give your personal point of view, you give it, and they are upset when you don't agree.

saying someone's feelings are valid, and telling them you get it, doesn't mean you think those beliefs should be imposed on anyone else.

khair mubarak

@LilMissKushy: I guess I tend to attract a lot of negative people then. =\
Ping me for fast replies!

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