『 Moody Says. . .』
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First and foremost, I'm not actually talking about situation with COVID-19.
My family is pretty religious, mostly my grandmother and father.
But lately i feel there has been a rift between my sister and I. And it's lately been taxing mentally.
Mostly because she seems to enjoy the religious stuff but it's very hard on me to take in that stuff mentally, which of course no one understands or tries to understand.
I have depression, 2 types of anxiety and a very high possibility of ADHD.
I am not against or hating on the religion stuff. As I understand why they got into it since my mother had a stroke 10 years ago
and it hasn't made life great for the past 10 or 11 years. And currently she is terminally ill with dementia but, I feel like a freak and the only one who can't agree with it and the stuff my dad and my grandma teach me about it and more and more i feel like I have to eventually leave on my own. And of course I feel there is something wrong with me because i can't get into it but a lot of my family members can. Including one or two of my cousins.
When they talk about the future stuff their religion teaches them, it very much stresses me out, but i can't really say "don't talk about it" because it means a lot to them and gives them hope for the future.
They talk about the world nowadays so depressingly, that i have 0 hope in anything. And i understand that life now is very hard and depressing but it's making it very hard for me to even bother study art like I want to in order to get better. It makes it feel like anything I do is pointless. including my art business im trying to build up. The smallest of things i feel instant guilt for because I know it's against what they believe in. I feel i can barely function at times on my own.
At this point i feel i have to pretend i agree with everything when i don't.
But moving out alone terrifies me but it might just be something I have to do.
Because my mental health is not in a good place at all.
And overall it makes me feel, if i don't say yes, im stupid, or evil/a bad person.
and often i will get guilted by them[mostly my dad or grandma] using my mother to get me into it.
And that makes me feel...even worse.
I'm not really here posting here to get advice, or to get attention. It's more so just need to let me feelings out i suppose and kinda
let people know why I sometimes don't post a lot, don't make art a whole lot, etc.
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First and foremost, I'm not actually talking about situation with COVID-19.
My family is pretty religious, mostly my grandmother and father.
But lately i feel there has been a rift between my sister and I. And it's lately been taxing mentally.
Mostly because she seems to enjoy the religious stuff but it's very hard on me to take in that stuff mentally, which of course no one understands or tries to understand.
I have depression, 2 types of anxiety and a very high possibility of ADHD.
I am not against or hating on the religion stuff. As I understand why they got into it since my mother had a stroke 10 years ago
and it hasn't made life great for the past 10 or 11 years. And currently she is terminally ill with dementia but, I feel like a freak and the only one who can't agree with it and the stuff my dad and my grandma teach me about it and more and more i feel like I have to eventually leave on my own. And of course I feel there is something wrong with me because i can't get into it but a lot of my family members can. Including one or two of my cousins.
When they talk about the future stuff their religion teaches them, it very much stresses me out, but i can't really say "don't talk about it" because it means a lot to them and gives them hope for the future.
They talk about the world nowadays so depressingly, that i have 0 hope in anything. And i understand that life now is very hard and depressing but it's making it very hard for me to even bother study art like I want to in order to get better. It makes it feel like anything I do is pointless. including my art business im trying to build up. The smallest of things i feel instant guilt for because I know it's against what they believe in. I feel i can barely function at times on my own.
At this point i feel i have to pretend i agree with everything when i don't.
But moving out alone terrifies me but it might just be something I have to do.
Because my mental health is not in a good place at all.
And overall it makes me feel, if i don't say yes, im stupid, or evil/a bad person.
and often i will get guilted by them[mostly my dad or grandma] using my mother to get me into it.
And that makes me feel...even worse.
I'm not really here posting here to get advice, or to get attention. It's more so just need to let me feelings out i suppose and kinda
let people know why I sometimes don't post a lot, don't make art a whole lot, etc.
