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TLDR; moved out of a hoarders house and feel better now, but feel kind of mean for it. I also am scared for her dogs.
So, my boyfriend and I were living with one of his family members and she was.. really emotionally abusive to people around her and had a LOT of issues.. money, hoarding, using her disability as an excuse for so many things, and just let her dogs use the potty EVERYWHERE.
It was a horrid disgusting situation and we tried the absolute best to make it better and it just didn't matter. The first month tht I moved in i had already helped pay a bill. I was buying myself food when I was coming over periodically and even kept doing so until I lost my job due to covid. So I let her use me for foodstamps until my boyfriend and I could get on our feet. But what happened was, we both got stuck caring for her instead of ourselves. He's been doing this for like, 4 years before I moved in (which was around 2yrs ago) and I guess so has his entire family. Helping her over and over with money or other things, mostly money though.
We would do doordash because that was our only way to get money (nowhere is hiring around here.. and if they are its ridiculously low pay and not worth it at ALL). She would ask us for our money to buy cigarettes / tobacco constantly because she ran out. Okay, fine whatever considering my boyfriend smoked a little bit we thought that was fair. But it got so bad. It was so often. She would smoke so much...
On top of THAT, remember how I said she was getting foodstamps? Yeah.. On top of her disability money. On top of her bills being extremely low to pay due to her disability. I know it isnt the most amazing amount, I was on SSI for awhile and it wasnt crap. But she also just..had so much help I never got. It infuriated me. Mostly because we would RUN OUT OF FOOD ALL THE TIME. Why? Oh, because she would buy ONLY SNACKS and ONLY MOUNTAIN DEW. Normally, like, ok whatever yknow its your money? but.. those were my foodstamps aswell!! My boyfriend and I would be stuck with having to rely on food pantries because she would rather buy 8$ potato skins and eat those for her dinner every single day along with her copious amount of junk food. My grandma (thank the gods for her bless her soul honestly) would send over food pretty often for us and every cookout would send her some food aswell. Basically, my boyfriend and I were responsible for any REAL food being in the house. She would blow extra money she had on fast food and not pay her bills.
On top of THAT, I went to help clean when i moved in. I wanted to make her feel better, and I even asked? I got b****ed at constantly for moving things around and trying to organize things. Yet if we didnt clean she would claim its all dirty due to everyone else and not her. Everytime I clean it would go back to the same nasty nicotine caked yellowness. The dogs (she has five by the way, used to have 8 but theyve died steadily) would pee and poop all over everything. Her room was full of trash under the bed. The bathrooms had diapers in the cabinets. I would set trash bags out for her to use and she just kept trying to fill the same one and it would topple over and I would have to clean it up. She would honk snot in the sink that we had to clean out. Any trashcan in the house would get filled up to the top and she wouldnt ask us to change it shed just pile more stuff until it was almost impossible to even change the bag. This isnt even scratching the surface of it though. I could go on.
I cried like, every single day. My boyfriend did his best too. We both tried so hard to get that house clean, to make her feel better.. its supposed to goto him eventually anyways so we figured thatd also be a factor to why we would want to get it together. It was a lost cause obviously, because we both got so tired we just stopped trying. Our room was so cluttered because she didnt let anyone move stuff in the other rooms (she had a spare and it was full of storage and trash.. we tried organizing so we could move stuff around and she got mad and basically thought we were stupid and were going to ruin her stuff). It really tanked my depression which sucks because I made a lot of progress with my therapist before all of this happened.
We just started doordashing super often to try and get a trailer. She eventually did a lot of the stuff (like picking up poop and cleaning her carpet) she said she couldnt do, and I was actually happy for her. I was going to say I was proud of her for trying. I did paint her dogs for her and did a few other drawings, yknow? I wasnt treating her badly.
Welp. She got angry with us. Said it "almost killed her" to do that stuff. Was being really disrespectful to my boyfriend about me. I lost it. I asked why she treats us like servants and was going to open up and talk to her 1 to 1 finally (she always asked me to and I refused due to the fact that im uncomfortable with this due to family abusing me over this in the past). She whipped around and was like "Im NOT TALKING TO YOU".. dude, hell. No. I went off and left. I tried so hard. I helped as much as I could. Its been hard getting jobs due to where we lived, its been hard to function as normal humans due to where we lived, we couldnt do anything for ourselves. Obviously we wanted to leave sooner but we couldnt. It was just.. so bad. We left. Other family members have come forward and said how nasty they knew she was and how horrible she is to be around.
We are living with a really awesome friend right now and trying to get on our feet. Both of us are indulging in our hobbies again and feeling much better. Having clean clothes. A clean room. A clean house. Someone to treat us like real people instead of servants. Both of us needed this move. I just wish I didnt have to get to that blackout level of anger. It doesnt happen often for me, and I feel really embarrassed about it. Shes the type that will act sweet and nice to everyone but shes really such a manipulative person.. shes still asking my boyfriend to do things for her and he has been here and there because she wont let me come into the house and get our things, so its taking awhile. Im much happier though and so is he. Im pregnant too, so we're really excited to start the next life chapter.
One thing that really bothers me though.. is her animals. Two died within the time I moved in, and one prior. She doesnt really have money to take care of them, two of them need dental care very very very badly and are in pain a lot of the time. The others are overweight as hell because she feeds them hotdogs rather than pet food. They get sick often, I would assume because of the state of her house. She fell asleep with a cigarette awhile back and almost killed the two that sleep with her, the room was filled with smoke and we had to save her and their lives basically. Shes unfit to live on her own and the dogs are definitely at risk. Should... I do something about this? my boyfriends sister helps her now, but.. it worries me about her animals.
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