(˵◕ ᴥ ◕˵)ﾉ Hello there
I first off wish everybody a happy holiday seasen!
But i need to vent a bit lol
So ive already mentioned it around a bit but im depresed and on monday my gran needs to go to the hospital bc she has a wierd alergic reaction in her legs. I normally live with 3 elderly ppl (incl my gran) and an elderly dog. My gran is normally my irl mental suport, if needed i talk to her. But now she will be gone for a min of 5 days.
And i know it might sound wierd, im an adult afterall. But ive been verry depandent on other adults and now i will be in charge. My granpa is in the early stages of dementia, some days its verry bad others are ok.
Like i love him but mentally its verry draining to interact with him on bad days (having to tell him he cant go to work repeatetly, or make sure he dosnt go in the bath by himself ect) ontop of that some days he can be verry mean to me vfor no reasen at all. But that has been all my life (he dosnt even realise that hes being mean wich sucks). Just recently he didnt talk to me for a few days and refused to aknowledge me bc i didnt do something without being asked (my family knows if they ask me ill do it so idk why that sudenly changed). And theres a bunch more. Then my grans friend started living with us like 5 months ago, in general shes ok but shes so slow and wants to know everything you does and have a say in it wich annoys me so much aa
Then tehres my dog, shes 11, i love her so much but oh boi if she cant be annoying on some days
And each on their own i feel like i can handle but ill sudenly have to handle all at once.
And then on xmas i woke up to my friend telling me her cat died and that she wont answer other messages except from me for awhile (shes a DM so i already told the group to text me if its importand)
But like even tho its not my cat i was still so upset and shed some tears (wich i didnt even do for my uncle who ive known my whole life?)
My friend wanted to explain what happend in vc and i felt terible. She was (rightfully) crying so much, aperently he was hit by a car.
I just, he was like 2 and a half years old. I knew him from when he could fit into just my one hand. Bc of him i got over my fear with cats. Even now i feel so sad.
I thought mayby some tiktoks will help me and ofc majority is of cats and i had to stop.
I feel so wierd being upset over a pet thats not mine, mainly bc i dont get emotional by alot of things.
But i blame testosterone for that, i havent cried in so long and its just not coming out. Just some tears but thats all.
Im also STILL waiting to hear back from the rehabilitation center, this told me end november, its now end december. Im not contacting rn bc its holiday seasen. Il do so like a week into january if i still havent been contacted.
But like, i feel so exhausted. Life is just going full speed and i have no time to process anything. Im a useless human being, if i was to live on my own id simply wouldnt know what to do and i was told by a professional i shouldnt even be allowed to live alone bc id just waste away (mainly bc i have such a big hate for myself and if it werent for others i simply wouldnt take care of myself)
I know one day ill look back to this moment in a better situation, but im still going trough shit rn
Sorry to b so negative i just needed it out of my system
But i need to vent a bit lol
So ive already mentioned it around a bit but im depresed and on monday my gran needs to go to the hospital bc she has a wierd alergic reaction in her legs. I normally live with 3 elderly ppl (incl my gran) and an elderly dog. My gran is normally my irl mental suport, if needed i talk to her. But now she will be gone for a min of 5 days.
And i know it might sound wierd, im an adult afterall. But ive been verry depandent on other adults and now i will be in charge. My granpa is in the early stages of dementia, some days its verry bad others are ok.
Like i love him but mentally its verry draining to interact with him on bad days (having to tell him he cant go to work repeatetly, or make sure he dosnt go in the bath by himself ect) ontop of that some days he can be verry mean to me vfor no reasen at all. But that has been all my life (he dosnt even realise that hes being mean wich sucks). Just recently he didnt talk to me for a few days and refused to aknowledge me bc i didnt do something without being asked (my family knows if they ask me ill do it so idk why that sudenly changed). And theres a bunch more. Then my grans friend started living with us like 5 months ago, in general shes ok but shes so slow and wants to know everything you does and have a say in it wich annoys me so much aa
Then tehres my dog, shes 11, i love her so much but oh boi if she cant be annoying on some days
And each on their own i feel like i can handle but ill sudenly have to handle all at once.
And then on xmas i woke up to my friend telling me her cat died and that she wont answer other messages except from me for awhile (shes a DM so i already told the group to text me if its importand)
But like even tho its not my cat i was still so upset and shed some tears (wich i didnt even do for my uncle who ive known my whole life?)
My friend wanted to explain what happend in vc and i felt terible. She was (rightfully) crying so much, aperently he was hit by a car.
I just, he was like 2 and a half years old. I knew him from when he could fit into just my one hand. Bc of him i got over my fear with cats. Even now i feel so sad.
I thought mayby some tiktoks will help me and ofc majority is of cats and i had to stop.
I feel so wierd being upset over a pet thats not mine, mainly bc i dont get emotional by alot of things.
But i blame testosterone for that, i havent cried in so long and its just not coming out. Just some tears but thats all.
Im also STILL waiting to hear back from the rehabilitation center, this told me end november, its now end december. Im not contacting rn bc its holiday seasen. Il do so like a week into january if i still havent been contacted.
But like, i feel so exhausted. Life is just going full speed and i have no time to process anything. Im a useless human being, if i was to live on my own id simply wouldnt know what to do and i was told by a professional i shouldnt even be allowed to live alone bc id just waste away (mainly bc i have such a big hate for myself and if it werent for others i simply wouldnt take care of myself)
I know one day ill look back to this moment in a better situation, but im still going trough shit rn
Sorry to b so negative i just needed it out of my system
。.:☆*:･ヽ(˵◕ ᴥ ◕˵)
Ash 8/7/19 
