As a Child, I Wanted to be a boy.

GaySpaceTrash

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For those who don't know, I am a female biologically, and present myself as such. However, when I was a little girl, I literally wanted to be a boy. I wore "boy clothes", from the boy section. I hated long hair, I hated admitting I played with dolls, I changed my interests in TV shows and toys to be more "boy like", and I even refused to be called by my real name at school. I hated being a girl so much and I just wanted to be a boy. It was so bad that in middle school I even asked people to call me Kyle. not even close to my real name.

As I got older, I slowly got less and less afraid of being my girly self. I love the color pink and I love "stereotypical girly things". I keep my hair long, I like my name, I like my body (most of the time.), and I wear both male and female clothes (as most humans do. Why are clothes even gendered? Why is anything gendered?) /eye roll

I have no clue what changed, and I also have no idea why I wanted to be a male so badly. I don't believe I'm transgender, since I am comfortable with my gender that I was born with now, but I do sometimes wish to be genderless or even sometimes still wish I could be a boy. I do like my breasts and hips, but not my genitals really. It's an odd love/hate relationship. @___@ I mean, is this normal? I've never really spoken about it before, but I thought this would be a safe place to do so, as well as get some opinions.

Please excuse me if I've used a term wrong here, and be aware I'm not trying to offend anyone. If you correct me kindly, I'll not only appreciate it, but I'll be happy to change anything I said wrong.

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SamSpyroxis

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@GaySpaceTrash: I'm having a somewhat similar issue myself, though sort of the opposite in a way? I'm also biologically female, but when I was younger I was completely fine with being a girl that just liked some "boy" things, so I just called myself a tomboy. As I got older though I started to dislike that I was female, but I also don't necessarily consider myself male either. I still have times where I wish I was a boy, and then there's a few days where I'm perfectly fine considering myself a girl.
I've recently talked with a friend though who's a bit more... Educated on the subject I suppose? It's more so that she's just looked into it more and has a lot of friends who identify differently. She's helped me to figure out that I'm probably more along the lines of a non-binary gender, which from what I gather is I don't identify as strictly "male" or "female". Along those lines, I do feel that matches me better, since I don't really feel like my biological gender, but I also don't think I'd consider myself transgender either. Perhaps that's the case for you?

Like you said, I'm hoping I've used the correct terms as well ;u; If either of us is wrong hopefully someone can help educate us as to what's correct ^^;

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Kiri

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@GaySpaceTrash: I didn't feel this way when I was younger, but I do now. I don't necessarily want to be a boy and have male genitals (Because I dislike those more than female genitals. They're both not attractive, but ew)

I do believe that for the most part, guys have it easier in society than girls do, especially when it comes to sex. I'm a virgin and am actually afraid of sex, but if I were a boy, I don't think I would be scared. I would have probably been more open to having a relationship and losing my virginity but I am instead completely against it because even the smallest of exams hurts me. I do dress like a female for the most part (except pajamas. I wear stuff in the boy section for pajamas)

Another reason I wish I was born a boy is because of genetics. I know some girls are tall, but if I was a boy, would I have stopped growing at 5'1"? Probably not. My brothers are 5'6" and 5'9" I believe. Neither extremely tall, but not short either. I am short and I dislike it. I would like to be at least 5'4".

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Vii

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I can definitely relate. And it's interesting now to see I'm not the only one who felt that way as a kid.
Part of the reason I always wanted to be a boy was because I thought I was an ugly girl. The hair on my arms and legs is naturally dark and quite long (but fine, thankfully), and my eyebrows are thick. My hair would get thick and frizzy in the humid climate, so I always wanted it short. As a tween I had a very awkward body shape as my body developed, and liked boys' clothing because it was simply more flattering for my lumpy torso and hairy legs. c': When I got older and was able to do things like shave my legs or style my hair, I started growing more comfortable with my body as I was able to "tailor" it more to my tastes.

It could be that everyone goes through such relatively isolated cases of dysmorphia as their body grows and changes, manifesting differently in different people. Some obviously experience dysmorphia far more severely, and for others it never goes away until they're able to start hormones or get surgery or get the special clothing they need to present themselves in a way which makes them happy.

Regardless of your gender or sex on the "other side of your shadow", I'm glad that you're more comfortable and in-tune with your body now. If gender-fluid isn't a term your familiar with, you might want to look into it and see if anything resonates with you. ^-^

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Kaderin Triste

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I could be wrong, and I don't mean to offend anyone if I am, but is this possibly something similar to gender fluid? The very basic definition of gender fluid I found is this: "denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a fixed gender", which I know isn't necessarily the same thing, but something similar perhaps.
I mean, I don't know that we necessarily need to label what you are because you are you, not a label. But your description of your feeling kind of made me think of that.
Anyway, you're still figuring yourself out and that's good. I'm glad that you're becoming more comfortable with yourself.
And I also really don't understand society's need to make clothing and even colors (blue for boys, pink for girls, etc) gender specific like that. I mean really....wear whatever you (as in a general you, not necessarily you specifically) feel comfortable in or what makes you happy.

Addy

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I mean, gender is fluid, right? Or it can be for some people, at least.

I remember being little and reading about "sex change operations" in this weird magazine my mom used to buy and wanting one so bad. I had no idea what it really entailed other than I get to be a boy?? I'm in!!

Growing up, I've realized I don't necessarily want to be a boy, I just don't want to be a girl. I've since learned there's a bit more middleground than previously thought, so I'm pretty happy here.

What really matters is just how happy you are with yourself. <3

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Forums Serious Talk As a Child, I Wanted to be a boy.

GaySpaceTrash

SamSpyroxis

Kiri

Vii

Kaderin Triste

Addy

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