So I've been feeling like this for maybe 4ish years now (god I just realized how long its been alsjkdadlj) and I honestly can't tell if I'm blowing things out of proportion or not so I figured I'd post about it!

So backstory: Me and 2 of my best friends ended up moving 8 hours away from our hometown for various reasons. I ended moving the farthest away for college while my 2 friends stayed an hour away from me going to a community college because they wanted the college experience but were wait-listed/ waiting to reapply to their ideal college after taking the basic courses. As soon as one of us finally got a car we basically hung out every weekend with me usually taking a drive down to their town to spend the entire weekend with them.

We kept up like this for 2 years until one of my friends completed their general ed classes and moved back home to go to university. I at the time was basically considering dropping out due unregulated depression and possible BPD while my friend, who I'll nickname Ryan, was also going through a lot from both their family cutting off support for them and the stress of losing their main comfort person in my other BF. We immediately decided to move in together after this change as I was going through a terrible living situation and they wanted a change and they were considering enrolling in my college. However, in the midst of their family issues right before we moved in together they ended up meeting someone online who just so happened to live near our hometown and they hit it off and became engaged near immediately. Luckily, Ryan still wanted to move in with me instead of moving in with their partner so we made an agreement that their partner could move in with us and share the rent and my rent would become a little cheaper at the expense of me having to sleep in the living room of our one bedroom apartment. Considering I was just leaving from the same situation but with twice the amount of roommates, I still agreed.

Living together was very of chaotic with 3 people and 2-3 pets in a small area but after Ryan's partner moved in with us I quickly became fast friends with them and basically considered them one of my close friends as well. I was willing to overlook most of the problems in our living situation because I was living with my friends and they were basically the only friends I had in the city. I could only take it for about a year and a half though (loud sex thin walls :/) until I ended up finding my own place and my friends coincidentally ended up moving just up the street from me. With this set up things went back to how they were before we all moved in with me visiting regularly and hanging out for days on end.

During covid however, my friends decided to move out of the city about 30 minutes away but almost an hour from the place I currently live at. After driving me home once Ryan's partner complained endlessly on how it was 'too hard' to hang out with me and since that moment there has been a slow creep of us just not interacting anymore. I have some trauma related to driving so it's been hard to get my license to the point that I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to get it without having a severe anxiety attack and I've told both of them this yet Ryan's partner still insists on asking when I'll finally get my license so they'll stop having to drive me places. They'll both also rush me into going places when they know I take public transit because constantly taking Uber/Lift/etc is really expensive and get upset that it takes me an hour to get anywhere instead of just letting me know ahead of time where were going. This has led to them just not inviting me out anywhere. I also recently just started working with Ryan at the same job and every time we talk they tell me about all of the other people they're hanging out with and all the plans they've made to do stuff and they'll bring up how we haven't hung out in a while and every time I bring up that they know my schedule and that I literally have nothing going on they start making excuses on how their partner is always busy and they 'already have plans to hang out with X mutual friend basically every weekend now but we'll hang out eventually!'. And it just hurts hear that the person that used to swing by my apartment to surprise me and that used to comfort me through whatever and vice versa can't even spare an hour after work to go get food or whatever.

I know most of this is my own loneliness + avoidant behavior biting me in the ass lol but have any of you guys experienced that drifting away from an important person feeling? Am I being delusional/clingy/jealous/etc? Ya'll listen to Mitski????