@Wildfire: thanks so much <3
I may have gotten distracted for the past couple weeks arranging and then spending time with my boyfriend in person. We got a lot done and it was amazing and exhausting and worth everything.

@Wildfire: Things have definitely felt more right then ever in my life. It's just exhausting xD recovery is such a long painful road to travel. makes me sleeeeeepy xD i want lots of vacations to recover from recovering. lol

@Wildfire: That's what I'm hoping to do. I've been accepting so much more of myself lately.

... ummm... I know it's probably more complicated that this, and I know you are invested in the community and care about the people in it, even if you're technically no longer a part of it, but you could.... errrrgh... not try to save them/it....?? I assume the people there know why you've left. If they are still there, they are willingly putting/keeping themselves in the middle of a toxic environment. The drama is no longer yours to deal with - you made that decision already- and you left, and you left out of a desire to take care of yourself and to not be involved in the specific dysfunctions of that group, right?? The others will figure that out for themselves and do something about it, when they are ready (and not beforehand).

That said, I guess maybe you could start a group chat of some kind outside of the original environment and just invite the people from the group that you like and care about to chat with you there... Not offer it up as a substitute community, but just as a way to keep in touch with you, and let the community reform there, as individuals are ready to take that step...??

Good luck :3

Life has gotten hectic again. I'm having another bout of high anxiety low copium days. My imzadi is going through a lot at work and there's nothing I can do to help him. But listen. And send hugs long distance. And support him and his decisions.
But I don't like what these people are doing to him and their community. And I do not have high hopes for them.


And I feel bad because as much as I support him and trying to work things out....I miss him horribly while he's away and I can't join him. And these people treated me bad so it stresses me out thinking about them. And I just really want to be with him and hold his hand while I'm feeling weak and insecure trying to tackle all the problems in my world.
Not all the problems in THE world obviously. Just. My life.
My world.
Bleh.
I guess it's almost like a depression. Many would say it is. But I'm not... I'm not.... I don't know what word to use. It looks like depression. But it's not an ennui exactly. It's I can't make a decision. Things I want to do I can't. For various anxiety reasons. Like . I'm going to fail. What's the point in doing this if it's not going to work. I need to finish this other thing first even though I really want to do this other thing now...

And i have having trouble not slipping into dissassociation. Losing parts of my day or having them be a blur. I'm not coping well. I'm trying so hard.

I appreciate the offer.

I've had so much push back though where people have accused me of just trying to get attention, or making stuff up or things along those lines . Just negative reactions to anything I say to the point where it is hard to say anything because I'm scared to get more blow back.

Losing "friends" that didn't believe me when I pointed out flaws in them or others that were damaging them. Example: your wife is abusive, you've escaped her because she walked out to get pregnant by another man and come back claiming it was your baby even though she wasn't sleeping with you, please just finalize the separation because you were happier while she was gone... And getting the response. "No. You're lying. She came back! " :(
And than leaving my own husband for being a cheater and emotionally abusive and that same friend sided with him because there is no way that my husband was hurting me because he does the same things as his wife...
...
Sigh... There's just so many things going on.and I'm so scared to talk about them. I'm so emotionally abused. All my confidence is gone. I'm now petrified of people and he succeeded in cutting me off from all the people I once talked with.