I'm not sure if this much of a rant, but I just want to type it out to get it off my chest and hopefully get some of the sads out of my system to think clearer.

My dad passed away about half a year ago now and I still get days every now and then where it's like all I can think about. One thing will remind me of him and then all day my brain will just run through memories of him, and it's tiring. Like last night we had a monsoon and I immediately remembered how he'd pull chairs up to the window when I was little so we could all watch it together which made it less scary, and probably part of why I'm comforted by rain now. Then I look down and see my ring and can only think of how he told my fiancé "take care of her for me" even though he never voiced support for my relationship before then. And it just goes on and on and every thought either makes me feel sad, angry, happy, or everything in-between.

And it really bothers me, already having no parents left this young. I even cried at my friend's wedding seeing her dad walk her down the isle knowing I won't have the same experience. Family holidays kind of suck, and I feel lost. I have my fiancé's family, but it's not really the same. I don't know, I'm just kind of rambling I guess. ;v;