And I hate it.
They've been going through a divorce for half the year, and they've been having issues with their relationship since before I was born. Their marriage was a textbook case of young and dumb love.
My mom practically calls me her messiah. She loves me, and I adored her when I was young and oblivious. I don't think I can handle her much as the young adult I am.
She's even worse than I am, in a constant state of despair, only happy during small flashes.
She treats me like I'm her therapist.
I can't count how many times she's told me her whole life story.
Me, a teenager who has multiple problems myself, and dealt with the cards my parents left me.
My dad, I never had much of a relationship with. Since the serperation and me staying with my dad, we've gotten slightly closer. But there's not much we can relate to.
He doesn't like that I tell my mom everything. I've never been a keeper of secrets. And nothings going to stop me anytime soon.
But since I'm the only kid who really is actively involved in both my parents lives, I feel like I'm going to be trapped giving messages between each other.
I don't want that
I don't want to be around either of my parents anymore
I don't want this life.
Forums Serious Talk I'm becoming my parents middleman.
I am sorry to hear this. This seems like a really tricky situation. When you are old enough, maybe move far away enough from both parents. So you atleast have an excuse to not visit them that often.
@Ina: I am sorry to hear this!
The best thing to do is tell both of them. Hey, look it isn't my fault your realationship has failed! It isn't any of my business, on what you want to say, (to dad or mom.) You need to tell them both on how all of this is driving crazy, and how it is making you feel. Let alone of it making you not to be around either one of them.
The best thing to do is tell both of them. Hey, look it isn't my fault your realationship has failed! It isn't any of my business, on what you want to say, (to dad or mom.) You need to tell them both on how all of this is driving crazy, and how it is making you feel. Let alone of it making you not to be around either one of them.
If you can’t say something nice, Don’t say anything at all!
Firstly, I'm so sorry that your parents have let their emotions get away to the point of impacting you. While everyone is human, I relate to the frustration of feeling like the bigger person between two separated adults lacking innate self awareness. That was my entire childhood and it wore heavy on me.
I imagine you probably feel a soft spot for your mom, or an obligation anyway to continue the therapist role but like many things, the best thing to do is not enable it. I imagine she's probably too emotionally reactive to be rationalized with without taking major offense, right? It's important for the both of you that you stop playing this role.
1) It will eat at your relationship
2) She will never get the real help she needs
It sounds shitty and I'm not sure you're willing, but I would speak with a school guidance counselor about this.
Your mother's prolonged deep periods of depression without getting better are redflags. You don't want her sinking
lower than she already is, and you aren't capable of giving her the right emotional foundation to recover. That's not your fault, and it's certainly
not your job. To preserve both of your mental health, you need to find away for her to address this else where and I"m so sorry that it's becoming
your task to do that. ALternatively, if you have another family member on her side you trust, an aunt or such- I'd highly recommend reaching out to them with help. Let them be aware of the fragility of this situation.
As for your father it's nice to hear you two are getting closer since the separation, and he has no place to ask you to keep secrets from your mom.
Then again, make sure you yourself are weighing on the mental scale of "Genuine Privacy vs Personal Impact".
By that I mean, your mom doesn't need to know if he is going out on dates, or if he took a day off form work sick.
Those things are his business and offers absolutely no benefit for your mother to know those things. You don't want to operate as
your moms security camera. You need to operate as your OWN security camera. Report things back to her that are important. You shouldn't have any shame letting her know how the visitation itself went, and what you did. If he persists on shaming you for this, ask him politely why.
Don't approach confrontationally, as I'm sure he's still mentally getting used to this change and less likely to respond tactfully if approached wrong.
I imagine you probably feel a soft spot for your mom, or an obligation anyway to continue the therapist role but like many things, the best thing to do is not enable it. I imagine she's probably too emotionally reactive to be rationalized with without taking major offense, right? It's important for the both of you that you stop playing this role.
1) It will eat at your relationship
2) She will never get the real help she needs
It sounds shitty and I'm not sure you're willing, but I would speak with a school guidance counselor about this.
Your mother's prolonged deep periods of depression without getting better are redflags. You don't want her sinking
lower than she already is, and you aren't capable of giving her the right emotional foundation to recover. That's not your fault, and it's certainly
not your job. To preserve both of your mental health, you need to find away for her to address this else where and I"m so sorry that it's becoming
your task to do that. ALternatively, if you have another family member on her side you trust, an aunt or such- I'd highly recommend reaching out to them with help. Let them be aware of the fragility of this situation.
As for your father it's nice to hear you two are getting closer since the separation, and he has no place to ask you to keep secrets from your mom.
Then again, make sure you yourself are weighing on the mental scale of "Genuine Privacy vs Personal Impact".
By that I mean, your mom doesn't need to know if he is going out on dates, or if he took a day off form work sick.
Those things are his business and offers absolutely no benefit for your mother to know those things. You don't want to operate as
your moms security camera. You need to operate as your OWN security camera. Report things back to her that are important. You shouldn't have any shame letting her know how the visitation itself went, and what you did. If he persists on shaming you for this, ask him politely why.
Don't approach confrontationally, as I'm sure he's still mentally getting used to this change and less likely to respond tactfully if approached wrong.
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Having you as a Voltie would be awesome.