I'm a male transgender and gay. My coming out came later than it should have due to a number of issues. You could say I was born outside the box and my early years were spent trying to figure out how to get in. To get an idea of how weird I was? My first day of the class thing before first grade. I was in the age range where I shouldn't have realized that not everyone knows what I know. I looked at how none of the kids wanted to be around me, how busy the teacher was and how she had no interest then... walked off. I knew that if I waited for when she wasn't looking, she wouldn't notice. I was right. The teacher called my mom to ask where I was. My mom was upset, the teacher was upset, apparently multiple staff members tried to find me. I was eventually found across the street, hanging out with the schools librarian. I have photophobia(the light hurts my eyes) this causes me to always have what people treat like rage eyes, but also causes my mind to go a bit slower. I had to learn the hard way that the only way I could avoid fights was to always be the calmest person in the room. It's almost weird, like people assuming someone looks upset makes it okay to act as terrible as you want. I say permission because as a child, reacting to it typically got me in trouble. I'm also what people refer to as passing. as in racially mixed but I look white(or 'pass' as white). This means I've been told I'm too white, not white enough, and that I could never understand prejudice. This added to my bullying, as many of the the 'not racist' in my grade school decided that my 'anti social' behavior was from my backfoot, because calling a kid an angry native Americans totally not racist if you say it nicely enough.

I wont go into all the issues I had growing up, only that I didn't start feeling better and healing until I stopped trying to fit in the box, stopped trying to get people to like me, and stopped caring about what others thought. That happened in high school, during that time I tried to figure out very basic things about myself, down to my own emotions. I graduated high school in 2004, safe to say a lot of words and terms that are common now were not back then. I didn't have a word for transgender, so I didn't know others were like me. Not caring about what others thought also let me explore my 'gifts' from both sides, leading me to see my soul. Until then I was subconsciously trying to pretend it didn't exist, i know that now. I thought I was weird enough, that adding anything else might make life hell again. I never asked to be born outside the box, for it is a very isolated feeling position. Instead of accepting it after seeing it, I decided I was going insane and started mentally fighting myself every day. I ended up getting possessed twice by a spirit that tried to kill me each time. Back then I assumed it had to have malicious reasoning behind it, but looking at it now? As an adult I can see that all it was interested in was easy prey. The second time I ended up getting so scared hat everything left my mind outside of the thought of getting rid of that spirit. That horrifying event is when I started accepting myself. I was open about everything with a family friend that's around eight years younger than me and she was the only supportive person i had as a teenager. With how well she reacted i tried to tell my sister... she said no I wasn't, i couldn't be because I'm a fan of hello kitty and sailor moon, and then pretended like that entire conversation never happened. I was in my mid 20's when I came out to my mom because how my sister reacted hurt that much. My mom accepted it and moved on. It made sense to her, and when she looked back on things about my childhood it was like she was really seeing a lot of details in a clear light for the first time. My sister still isn't accepting, but she thinks shes accepting. I'm not sure how she thinks that, but maybe she thinks that because she never started attacking me or cutting me out of her life or anything... despite that she said she wouldn't let me and our mom watch her kids if we told them about my name or pronouns. My one dad wasn't accepting, but I think if he had more time before his death that he would have. My other dad is fully accepting, how understanding and accepting someone is really depends on the family member for me.

Sorry this is so long o-o