I don’t really have anyone in real life to talk to about this, everyone expects me to be “normal” by now. I was doing well through the first few months of my mother passing, I made it through my first birthday with out her, ironically it was the only birthday I ever cared about. I made it through two sister’s birthdays and my mother’s first birthday with out us. The minute it hit October I fell to absolute pieces. Fall is my mom’s favorite time of year, I have so many memories of my mom and I this time of year, she loved the Holidays.

My dad was just diagnosed with stage four prostate cancer- it’s treatable but has invaded every bone in his body except his feet.

Since my mom passed away I have been balancing two house holds, working a full and part time job and trying to keep my relationship from falling apart. I have been grieving my mom on my own- my older sister and one sister are in Arizona, so I have my dad and sixteen year old sister to check on/look after. My girlfriend and I are in a really rough spot and I don’t get to lean on her as she has on me when her father passed.

I am fully aware that one should never expect others to act like they do, but she absolutely does not show me any understanding to being sad or not in the mood to do something. I get bitched at for having a “tone” or a “mood”. When I tell her that I am feeling emotional and to be prepared encase I do have a tone, I still get hell for being human and emotional.

Everyone is so used to me being the one that holds everything together that when I’m not 100% or when I’m falling apart I get crap for it. I don’t get compassion or understanding and I’m struggling with it.

I have had someone I know for three years
and considered a friend tell me that we were never friends when I asked them why they aren’t there for me- I’ve had people completely ignore me or the fact that I’m grieving.

I used majority of my FMLA time to watch my mom pass while on Hospice. I know I didn’t take enough time for myself, and tomorrow I’m meeting with my boss to discuss having to flex my time so I can take my dad to chemo.

Through all of this I have fallen way behind on household chores, and everything is piling up. I have mentioned numerous times that I feel like I am drowning and that I need help to my girlfriend and it goes completely ignored. I cook 90% of the time, I do the laundry, I clean the cat box, the kitchen the bathroom, ect. It never stays clean. Her mother doesn’t contribute and is a whole-nother rant in itself.


TL;DR

I’m drowning in my own grief and have no one to talk to.

My dad’s health is declining

I need tips on how to keep my house clean when I have no motivation to even exist.

Thank you so much everyone for your kindness!
I know I’m late to replying to everyone but I wanted to express my thanks!

I took yesterday off so I could take a day to just be, I accomplished a good deal of cleaning/organizing and binged a show for a bit.

I talked with my dad and told him I was overwhelmed and that I needed to just detach for a bit, I was expecting backlash- but my dad isn’t like my mom and understood that I couldn’t be 100 for him if I wasn’t 100 for myself.

I’m working on my relationship with my girlfriend, and am trying to take things in stride.

I decorated my parents porch for Halloween and got pumpkins for my younger sisters to carve and it took all that was in me not to break down because the tradition with out my mom hurt.