from her mobile home in florida. My mother is considering bringing her here to live with us in colorado because all of her other family in florida want nothing to do with it.

this grandmother of mine is a character. one minute she acts like a sweet and dainty old lady, then at the snap of our fingers she will transition to a hateful, scratchy-voiced, mean woman. As a child it used to scare me when I would be sitting and talking to her, then my aunt would bring up a person's name that apparently my grandmother had some beef with. Then she'd just turn a 180 and be swearing up a storm and I couldn't tell if I was safe to be there or if that anger might throw in my direction. I didn't understand the concepts of mental health and disorders at the time, so I used to think that her sweet side was just an act. It DOES have a fakeness about it. But, it could also very well be uncontrollable, and I'm not one to judge that bit. Regardless, this side has made it hard for others to help her. But that isn't without them trying.

She's a hoarder, eats food that has expired and her kitchen is always coated with ants. Spends all her money at the dollar store so she can fill her home to the ceiling with junk. She used to work for Ross but was fired for shoplifting there. Then she worked at toll booths for as long as I can recall.
This lady has lost a few marbles upstairs. Kept obtaining pets somehow but only to kill them with neglect, and then act like everything is sweet and normal while the corpses lie under her mobile home, making the whole place smell terrible. One time we visited from out of state and first thing she did was have us move her furniture and ask us to clean up the half-rotted cat from under her porch. We rejected the last one.
Oh yeah, and she glued her teeth back in. And continues.. to glue them until all you see is glue. Misshaped her mouth and she can barely speak.

Anyway, yeah. I'm worried about having this lady live with me. It isn't set in stone, but I've been contemplating it still. Usually when my parents bring people into their home out of a charity like this, something goes terribly wrong. This lady HAS stolen my parents' social security numbers and stuff when we lived with her once, for a VERY short time, when I was like 13. And she tried getting me and my siblings taken away from our parents by reporting abuse. They were cleared of course. Like, my parents were harsh and strict, but I wouldn't go so far as to say abusive.

My parents say they would lay down strict rules for grama to respect their home and not just turn it into another hoarding situation. But.. I just have this feeling it wont work out in their favor. There might be a lot of fighting. And I'll have to invest in a safe for my personal documents, since my filing cabinet is a bit too easy to pick.

:vanora_tired:
I keep thinking about what is the right thing to do. Or what would I do if this was my problem directly. Would I bring her into my home when no one else would? Or would I send her to a homeless shelter and say "we all tried to avoid this but you did it to yourself". That seems unfair to someone who needs mental help pretty badly. But at the same time, is it my job to support someone else for making bad life choices? When we've tried so many times for so many people, and they always end up going after us, sabotaging or running away to do drugs and then knock on our windows after midnight like crazy people.

Ethical dilemmas, man! The subject of the season, for me lol

I was going to suggest an assisted living facility as well, though it would have to be one that is used to dealing with disorders like this and I imagine that's pretty expensive. It's a difficult situation though, to be sure. Like, that's your mom's mom you know? You love them and want to help them even though you really don't have the means to. Maybe there's some other way to help without putting yourselves at risk.

They aren't all bad, but it is important to read the reviews, tour the facilities, and check up on them regularly. My grandmother lived in a very nice assisted facility in the later years of her life. It was a very nice place. She had her own room and bathroom, a little kitchenette, and they even let her keep her dog there. They also had lots of activities for the residents to do.

As for price I'm not even certain the range. I know it's expensive but I don't know how expensive.

Well, you may be able to get your other family on board to help with payments knowing that they could help her without putting themselves at risk since it sounds like that's the main reason they don't want to help out.

Sadly that's a lot of people's reality. Times are tough right now. Just remember, and this is something your mom needs to understand too, you can't support other people if you don't support yourself first. Charity is wonderful, but not if you don't really have it to give.

Your mom sounds like a really nice person.