Fade's posts

I honestly don't even know where to begin, so much has been going on. :<
I've been the only -ACTING- adult in my house for... far too long at this point. My husband goes to work and comes home. On occasion, he'll mow the lawn. Past that I'm the adult of the house, despite still being without a job. I sorted out all the kerfuffle with H&R Block, dealt with 95% of the insanity to get the duplicate title for the Scion, argued on and off with our insurance about my dental care, set up appointments to see if we can get assistance with the overwhelming dental bills, and I've been trying to sort things out with my doctor for therapy for myself along with optometry and birth control and my anxiety and depression. It's maddening. I feel like I don't get any help from my husband whatsoever and I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm his acting mother figure, his maid, or his secretary. Hell, I don't even get any sex/intimate related perks for doing all of this CRAP. Most of the bills are in my name, but I have the login information for everything and I make sure it's all paid on time. I'm the one that keeps track of EVERYTHING. The whole saying of "My spouse would be lost without me" is scarily true in this case and I hate it. It makes me regret leaving my three jobs and awesome roommates in 2015 to move to be with my now-husband/then-fiance.
I hate my depression and anxiety spiking and making me feel like it isn't worth talking to my friends online because they aren't actually here and can't help me feel better, and for all that they care, pretty words don't help. I hate that my best friends are in Maine and Connecticut, respectively. I hate that while I talk to my male best friend everyday, there isn't any semblance of the comfort that conversing with him used to bring. I hate that I miss my female best friend and her family so damn much. Visiting them for two weeks in February was DEFINITELY not long enough of a visit. I feel like for all that I do and all the effort that I put in to trying to get my life and my medical issues back on track that it's all for naught because I'm 25 and I am STILL not self sufficient, and I feel like I should have done better with my life, done more, made different choices. I always thought I'd have my own place (even if it wasn't the nicest/biggest), own vehicle (even it was a beater, as long as it was running, I'd be happy), have graduated college (even community college would be something), and be working full time and actually trying to MAKE SOMETHING of my life instead of struggling to break free of the housewife-without-kids bullshit that I'm stick in now. It's just so FRUSTRATING and disappointing and I HATE it and I hate that I can't seem to do anything about it. :c