Purpsy's posts

Posted in I finally told my father that I may have anxiety Posted 5 years ago

@koneko: Nah your good, I actually welcome any kind of advice as long it's come from a good place because well... there's not a lot of people I can share this with and is bad enough I overthink about everything. And I understand, there's a lot of topics that I can't even talk about to anyone yet but just like you said, progress takes time.

As regarding of making bad decisions this is something very fresh for me. I had to leave a friend behind because of how I was before and that took some time to move on. I felt bad because I hurt her without even knowing and I did beat myself about it and she didn't take it well when I'm completely honest with her. The story itself is too much to explain, I did talk about it a little bit more here, like one of those post your rants threads so yeah.

And thank you, I guess I've done a little bit of CBT then and I'm going to read more about it later. And I'll give the app a shot and can you read the book online?

Posted in I finally told my father that I may have anxiety Posted 5 years ago

@koneko: My situation is a lot more complicated than that and is not easy to talk about it to anyone these days. Let's just say I've hit rock bottom for a very veerry long time, we're talking about years here. And let's just say I don't have easy access to get that kind of help due to financial issues and family issues. So most of the help I get is online and I'm grateful we have internet nowadays.

I talk about it to you guys and some people on Discord and I went on phases both on the spiritual and logical? side of the spectrum. Learning about my personality type help a lot and then learning about astrology/tarot is what started it. Is like I had to get to now myself again, I believe some people call that soul searching? I kinda had to be my own therapist inside my head and have this mini dialogue asking myself why I feel a certain way in this situation and another. I swear I'm not crazy. But it gets frustrating because there are days I felt like I haven't changed at all or the road of my recovery is just too damn slow.

Posted in I finally told my father that I may have anxiety Posted 5 years ago

@koneko: Ah, I've never seen it that way before. I felt like the need to get diagnosis to prove myself what I'm struggling is real. It took me a long time to realize I needed help as well and I was in denial and that's just a constant war inside my head. Is tiring and I've made terrible decisions along the way and pushed away all of the people that care for me.

I've had experiences when people don't really understand what Im going through. Is frustrating at first but I've come to terms that not all people will fully undestand what I'm going through. But is still a pain to confront them sometimes...

Btw what is cbt?

Posted in I finally told my father that I may have anxiety Posted 5 years ago

@Lina: Is really nice to have someone that understands because I don't have a lot of people like that in real life. Sometimes I think is all over my head but now I know is not. Is honestly uncomfortable really admitting that I have a problem and is even more harder to admit that I need help. I'm the type to mask off my emotions and bottled things up and I'm aware is not good but is hard to break the habit. Surprisingly though talking about it online with a bunch of strangers is just easier.

Posted in I finally told my father that I may have anxiety Posted 5 years ago

@koneko: Thank you. I am planning to tell them but I have my own reason why they won't react well. Sadly mental issues is not often talked about with my family, I'm afraid they really don't understand it fully. But I don't want to hide this to them anymore is just finding the courage to tell them is difficult.

I've done a few research in the past until now and I also don't 100% believe on my self- diagnosis also. I only assumed I may have some sort of anxiety is because I've had a talk about it with a friend who was diagnose with one. She thinks I may have it but without being properly diagnose with a doctor, that's just the only solid reason I have so far.

Posted in .:: ♡ Közi’s Magical Sweets Shoppe ♡ ::. Posted 5 years ago

@Wildfire: I'm not really having a great day but you know, I'm surviving.
How about yours and your husband?

Posted in I finally told my father that I may have anxiety Posted 5 years ago

I'm not diagnose yet and this is just my own assumption. Ever since I was young I used to worry about something and over time I think it gotten worse. I remember when I was a child, I worry what highschool I should go to or something related to it? I remember telling my father about it and I think his response was not to worry about them. But then again this was when first or second grade? When I was around 9 or ten I was worried what university I should go to? My past self would never be aware of this but as an adult. I don't think those thoughts are normal for a kid.

A lot has happened over time but I rather not talk about it. Actually is not easy to write about. I only brought it up is because a few days ago me and my father had been talking and at one point he mentioned about a story when I was a kid, it was my first day of school and I was with a relative who happens to be also an elementary school teacher. She explained to my father later on that I was very nervous and afraid on my first day and warned my father to have a close watch with me from then on. Because something like I'm no good in under pressure or with a change of environment. So my father explained that this whole time he hasn't pressured me on anything I woon't like, which is very true.

So after that I was starting to connect the dots because I've been trying to understand myself better lately. And for me my excessive worrying may have started in childhood and I got the conclusion that I may have anxiety. I finally told my father and I was almost in tears shortly after. His response? "No your just afraid and you just can't handle things under pressure" To be honest, I didn't like his response. Is like he's saying is all in my head or something when for me, my constant worry and over thinking is very much real. I've let them get the best of me and I may have fallen into depression for it. Honestly there's a part of me that's thinking that this is not real but I've been also thinking I should seek proffessional help. But I'm just too afraid to speak out or afraid of my family's reaction. I admit I do have suicidal thoughts when it proves too much.

I'm just tired, I worry too much over little things like when just starting the conversation with someone and assuming the worst of it already. I'm wonderring if the people that does have anxiety can relate to this? Honestly this has just became a long rant, I'm just not having a great week.

Posted in What are you currently watching ? Posted 5 years ago

Avatar Extended Version

Posted in Change 1 Letter! Posted 5 years ago

Tone

Posted in Word Association Posted 5 years ago

South

Posted in The Closest [COLOR] Item to You Posted 5 years ago

A No Frills shopping bag~
Beige

Posted in Why are you in the AAY's room? Posted 5 years ago

I'm in your room to steal your teddybear

Posted in *Burps* Posted 5 years ago