Ark's Post-A-Lot - Voltra Online

Ark

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I just got back from seeing his fav band (I didn’t go see them because they’re his fav, I’d been wanting to check them out for a while). I enjoyed the show, but the whole time I wondered if he was there. After it ended I kinda lingered around the area for a few minutes and I didn’t see him, but that doesn’t mean he was there. I’m more inclined to believe he wasn’t.

Deep down I wish he were there. I’ve always wanted to go to a concert with him and today’s concert would’ve been the perfect opportunity. I guess now I really have to sit with my feelings and process that I’ll never see or talk to him again. Ugh…

Ark

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I almost wish he never texted me.

His text fucked up my progress, reignited my feelings, and brought back all my sadness.

Why apologize and tell me that you and the girl you dumped me for broke up if your intention wasn’t to try winning me back? Why is the break up any of my business? I wish he never told me. Knowing he had a girlfriend made it somewhat easier to process everything vs knowing he’s single. Now that I know he’s single my brain keeps thinking “what if there could be a chance for me?” If there really was a chance he never would’ve randomly dumped me for someone else…. He never liked me or wanted me.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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Side note, I was hoping to see the members of the local emo cover band at the concert since their band name is inspired by one of the band’s songs. Seems like I run into them on random occasions, but when I want to see them they’re no where to be found. 🫠 (That also doesn’t mean they weren’t at the concert. They very well could have been and I just didn’t happen to see them).

The singer came into my bar on Sunday. When I saw him I couldn’t register that it was him at first and initially thought “he looks familiar, I feel like I know him.” Once it clicked, I waved so happily at him and said hi, then reintroduced myself. 😅 I really don’t want to come off as a groupie, but I like the band so much and they’ve lowkey become a comfort for me.

Ark

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Someday when I get better at playing guitar and form my own band, maybe we’ll be able to open for them? Wishful thinking at its finest. 💪🏽😤

Ark

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I opened Tinder and his profile was the first one that popped up. We’re no longer matched.

Life is fucking with me right now.

Ark

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I’m so freaking sad today over him to the point of fighting back tears all day, and his profile is the first one to show up when I open Tinder?

I’m shaking. I want to go home, cry, and drink myself to sleep.

Ark

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Internally I feel so shaken up, like my foundation is crumbling or something.

Idk how to explain it, but the first words to come to mind are “shattered” and “triggered.”

This is doing something to me internally that I’m having a hard time trying to stabilize. 😞

Ark

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I feel so fucking sad…

Ark

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There’s an emo night happening tonight at a nearby bar. I’m tempted to go to see if it’ll make me feel better, but since I’d be going alone I feel a little nervous. :/

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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And with as emotionally shaken up as I am right now, and with emo music being the main thing me and dude had in common, I kinda fear that going will only make me feel worse…

A part of me wants to go to be around other people who share the same love for the music, and another part of me wants to go to find another “emo boyfriend” to help me get over dude. If I were to meet someone tonight, get a number, hook up, whatever, I guess that would be cool.

Ark

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I believe the event was created by or is hosted by one of the members of the local emo cover band I like, so another part of me is kinda hoping to see them. So far this year it seems like they randomly pop up when I’m feeling down. Seeing their familiar faces makes me feel less sad and less lonely.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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BUT, if I get to the venue and there’s no where to park, I’m coming right back home. :U

Ark

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I’ll probably just be a wallflower posting on here all night since I have no one to text and won’t have anyone to talk to there.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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Eh, with all things considered I think I’m just gonna stay home. I feel too emotionally vulnerable to go out, and staying home with my cats sounds more comforting.

Plus, I can drink and listen to emo music at home for free, and if I happen to cry at least no one will see it. 😅

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