Rensillusion's posts

Another Syndrone use here, was trying to find other avatar sites to move to and saw this one in the making and thought it could be interesting. I'm a bit picky with avatar styles I like, and this is my favourite after Syn so I thought I'd follow the facebook.

I only just watched the first season a few months ago, but I'm glad I finally did! It took me about 3 tries to get passed episode 1 x.X

Extremely looking forward to AHS [First episode only just out tonight in UK, so I'm watching it tomorrow with my mum].

Not much else I'm looking forward to right now

Omg, where do I even start with dreams?

I have always had really vivid dreams, and I can somewhat lucid dream. I am often my persona/oc when I dream, who controls shadows, and over the years I have learnt how to control those powers in my dreams. From barely able to do anything with them in a fight, to now being able to fully constrict an enemy in shadows and overpower them.

I also have tons of apocalyptic dreams, as well as dreams where I remember what I've done previously in the same dream even if it's been years since I last dreamt it. I often find myself going, 'I went right last time I was here, let's go left and see what changes' etc. I also recognise people in dreams, and am aware when I am in dreams, such as being able to say to dream people, I will see you in my next dream, or at least I hope so, or say, Oh, I can't do this now because I'm about to wake up.

I've tried writing dream journals in the past but it never lasts, so I now literally just store everything in my head or as bullet points in my phone note apps and stuff. I do want to start writing out scenerios from dreams more though, as I used to love writing and it's something I am considering trying to get back in to.

Oh, and I remember at least one dream nearly every night/time I go to sleep. Probably above 80%of the time I can recall something once I wake up x.X it actually wears me out sometimes when I dream a lot, because I just don't feel like I'm really resting when I'm asleep.

Art. Art books. Art prints. Art keyrings.

The main thing I spend money on at anime conventions is artist alley merch or video game/artist art books, even if I haven't played or heard of the game before or the person. I follow only art blogs on Tumblr, and most of the facebook and Twitters I follow are also just art. I have so many art books I just don't even know where to put them, as well as so many thousands of images saved to my PC and phone [I do not repost or claim any of it, it's all purely for inspiration for my own art or for when I want to relook at pretty art I have seen].

I also have a habit of buying scarves but barely ever wearing them, and the more butterflies on them, the higher the chance of me wasting money on them. I don't know what it is about butterflies but I just want everything I see with them on.

I have grown up with dogs, and absolutely adore them. I am one of those people who, when they see a dog when out, will stop the conversation to tell the other person to look at the cute dog, look at it, doggo over there, look, so cute, and then go back to conversing alongside various other awww's aimed at the dog.
I have two currently, a 10 year old Pomeranian and a 5 year old collie cross, and before these I've had another collie cross, and a border collie when I was super young. I don't see me ever not having dogs, and even got my second tattoo of 3 pawprints to represent the dogs I've had, have got, and will inevitably one day get.

I suffer from both, and have for what I've worked out to be a long time now. My depression, at least, I'm lead to believe stems from my grandad dying when I was 8 or 9, and one night sitting in bed, asking myself, 'what happens to 'us' when we die?' and never being able to get a definite answer has been slowly driving me mad since.

I am unfortunately in that stage where, I only have the girl I'm dating and my mum as things that keep me going - my depression went in a downward spiral in November when we lost a friend of my mum's, as well as recently - and I don't think it's just my mental health making me imagine this - a lot of my friends seem to be moving on with their lives and that includes not talking to me anymore/being bothered with me/only messaging me when they want something, and that's about 99% of the people I'm friends with.

I try and cope by giving myself things to look forward to. Like, earlier in the year before I started dating, I planned to go to comiccon in November for my birthday, by myself, but now I'm like, nah I'm good, I'm now planning another date/meetup with a girl in October instead and decided I no longer need that comiccon by myself xD

Pills worked for a bit for me, but I've got to the point where, I don't feel like they are helping, but hell no am I risking stopping them incase I do become even worse. I've tried CBT twice, a year or two apart and with different people, but came to the conclusion that that is just not for me. I am currently awaiting a psychologist appointment since my assessment in February to see if I have any more luck with that.

Something I did try recently, that worked until I stopped doing it, was a 'boring self care' sheet I printed off from The Mighty. You put like small daily tasks, like brushing your teeth, or getting changed, or going outside etc, anything you wanted as your own targets, and then each day you could tick them off if you managed to do them. It was just a little something to try and give you a bit of motivation to do something, even the little things.

I last watched Death Note I think the other night to see just how bad it was.

I'm RensIllusion in most places now and it's my artist name.

Ren came from an ex's nickname for me, Renny, and I also found out Ren is an old english [albeit male] name meaning Raven which is an older nickname I went by. Illusion comes from trying to make my own little worlds in the characters I draw and create and not wanting to live in reality xD

I am another who does not like children. I have always struggled to even know how to act with kids even just a few years younger than me through school, and I've always sort of gravitated to older people? So even though I have nieces and nephews, [15, 5 and 6 months] I have absolutely no idea how to act with any of them so I do my best to never be left in a room alone with them xD The one exception is my goddaughter, also 6 months - my best friend asked me to be godmother and I really could not say no, maybe because I have more of a relationship with that friend than my siblings and their children.
I do NOT intend to have any myself, and even if I did, I would have to have my partner have them or adopt, and as an asexual dating an asexual, the first will definitely not happen xD
I guess I also have what some people might think is a selfish view too, in that it is my life, and I struggle to enjoy it enough as is without having to look after someone else for 18+ years. It's my life to do as I wish with and raising kids is just not something I see the appeal in, but good on people who do 'cause obviously, we wouldn't be here if everyone was like me >_>

Other people though, as long as you can support them and look after them correctly, do what you want, as long as it is what you want ^^