Xanthan's posts

---

@LilMissKushy: no problem darlin. I try and look out for my peeps lol :)

---

Is there an item you are needing? I may be able to help

---

Trigger warning.....ptsd.........abuse........et al

......

......

......

.....

So tonight a lot came crashing down, flooding back, and boy was a dam opened up.

To be clearer, I wanna preface and say that I have been in a fee relationships and situations where I was with someone who loved me so much that they simply couldn't keep their hands off me.

During those times I learned a lot. About myself...about life...about love....and how to hide. Hide my shame and vulnerabilty. Hide the bruises and busted lip. How not to flinch when someone touched me and not to scream or punch when surprised. But one thing that helped me so much was peas.

See the lesson of peas is what taught me the most. It was a tough lesson and one that a dear friend taught me before their passing. Tonight I unfortunately passed along that lesson. See, many people think that for a black eye or busted eye socket....swelling in general you use a nice thick cut steak. But they're wrong. The key is peas. Frozen peas are small and distribute the cold and pressure more evenly. They hold temperature better and when they get warm they refreeze better than steak.

So for any who need this, A) there is help B) you are not alone C) it is not right nor will it ever be D) it is not love E) peas

Goodnight

---

@0v7: it's all good. My studies take up a lot of time. I wish i could participate more in the event. A good friend has sent me a few items and i have been able to get 3 on my own. We all have our own lives and struggles. Just message when you can. Ill be here.

---

@Xenojiiva: slow and steady will win the race and time will tell. It has its ups and downs but it is good things so far. I truly enjoy my life a majority of the time. :)

---

I am all about the dad bots!!!!

---

@0v7: Good job! All too often people want to celebrate their endgame. I will be happy or happier when, I will rest when, I will xy or z when. When in all reality they need to celebrate the effort and not just the endgame. If you can be happy or happier when, then you can make that choice now. You can be happy or happier now. In the moment. You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned that it took time to create the anxiety and angst you feel. It is going to take equal time to heal and move on from it completely. I did not get to where I am in a day, and so I am not going to change in a day. But by golly I am going to be happy with every step and moment of progress not perfection. I am not where I want to be but I'll be darn if I am where I used to be. I do have some tips or tools to help with the dysmorphia. I would definitely start with and keep up with the gratitude for a few months. 30-45 days at least. That will help retrain your brain to seek out the positive because our brains naturally are tuned in to seek out that which is different, bad, odd, uncommon, and otherwise that which we do not think belongs. That is a good thing for the most part as it is a survival instinct from caveman days essentially. These days, we have as a people, come to embrace that negativity and that frame of reference too much. Now we must get back on track and maintain balance. I would also, but not at this time, wait the 30-45 days before attempting it, but write out your fears. For some people dysmorphia comes from family or bullying. It comes from a trait of obesity and they don't want to end up like so and so. Generally there is some sort of anxiety around being teased or taunted. Write it out. Look at it. Take that personal inventory. I would also suggest cutting out anything and anyone that contributes to low sel-esteem. That seems drastic and it can be. But you need to maintain healthy boundaries. Love and care, but some people, like my family, need to be loved and cared for from a distance. If someone is putting another person down in your presence, they won't hesitate to do the same in your absence. Educate. Explain. and if they don't understand, expel. Create a healthy place where people can communicate freely but not spew additional toxins about anyone. That is where I would start. Get grateful. Take inventory and understand your story so you can rewrite the ending. And boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. It is always easier to set strong boundaries from the start than to go in and try to change them after a relationship has begun. Relationship here being one of family, friends, partners, etc. I hope this helps.

@LilMissKushy: So true. Sadly there are many things left in the world which seem to be gender specific when it comes to stereotyping. That does not at all mean that those stereotypes are true, just that they exist.

@vessel: so sorry I missed your comment earlier. I do apologize. I like a jaunty little tune :) Thank you

---

Big congrats to the winners. There were so many good entries.

---

@0v7: you know, people will put down and criticize others due to their own insecurities. As someone who has battled body dysmorphia knowing that information never really helped. As a budding human and social services scientist I have learned why. The fact is, research has been done and has found that emotional pain activates the very same parts of the brain that are activated by physical pain. I don't think people realize that when someone says their feelings are hurt that they truly mean it. Huggles.You are you and you are one of a kind. You are beautiful no matter what. While other people may have comments and opinions on you and your life, you do not have to listen. Instead, take time each day, 5 min, and write down 3 things your grateful for and 3 things you love about yourself. We must teach ourselves to be selfloving and selfhealing and to turn off the selfshaming and selfhating. You are very special and i am proud to call you my friend.

---

"Here’s to the boys who cover their stomachs when they sit down. Here’s to the boys with stretch marks. Here’s to the boys who avoid the mirrors. Here’s to the boys who skip eating. Here’s to the boys who feel small. Here’s to the boys who work so damn hard every day to like themselves. Here’s to the boys who hesitate before taking their shirt off at the swimming pool. Here’s to the boys who doubt themselves. Here’s to the boys who insist on having the lights off during sex. Here’s to the boys whose body issues are waved away by society. Here’s to the boys who have ever been told “you’d look so much hotter if...” Here’s to the boys who can finish that sentence and remember the exact time it was said to them. Here’s to the boys who hate shopping for clothes because nothing fits “just right.” Here’s to the boys. Here’s to the boys who are reading this. Here’s to the boys: you are attractive, you deserve to feel sexy, you have worth. You are wanted and loved. Here’s to you."
random ramblings

[Illustration: mefmu_f
https://instagram.com/megmu_f?igshid=1j6wndvw8dcvp ]

---

Omg yes! I have 2 tattoos I am getting IRL to go with the one i already have. It is my reward forthe over 100 lbs I have lost since moving back to my home state. Added another 15 lbs down after a recent relationship setback. Now it is all getting toned...but not too much. I love my dadbod lol

---

@Xenojiiva: i am doing well. Enjoying school. Enjoying my time with my new squeeze as well. Trying to enjoy this whole virtual school for my son but i am no fan of the options but we are making due with what we have. It is stresseful for him, the teachers, and the parents.

---

@jaykayys: sorry I am late to the party, but my welcome wagon broke down LOL I'm glad you made your way here. I see there has been quite the warm welcome and advice shared. I see that you are a whole person, face included. If there is anything you wanna know, questions you may have, or anything you wish to talk about in general, feel free to hit me up. If there are some items you like that you have seen, lemme know. I can go through and see what extra I have and send a few things your way if you like. Again, welcome to Voltra. I think you will find that we are very welcoming and friendly. Hope to see you around.

---

@Operation Katana: I am sorry you experienced that even though it was elsewhere. There is too much toxicity in the world when what we truly need is more validation of one another, and most listening to understand and not just listening to reply. Glad you posted this. It has been a minute since we chatted last. Other than the negativity at other places, how are things going for you?