I hate how everything is on hold for 2-3 days because of Christmas. One thing after another is piling up on me and my whole life is hanging in the balance, and all these kind-of-a-big-deal things are just... paused. Because of a stupid holiday. A holiday that's been dragging out for months now, and the juxtaposition of cheery Christmas music with my life crashing down around me is not helping one bit. Every year I think I hate Christmas just a little bit more. As if I need another burning reminder of how insignificant and inconsequential I am...
So for now here I am, stuck in Christmas twilight, waiting to find out just how badly I'll be screwed over this time... you know... when the rest of the world gets back from enjoying their holiday.
I go around telling people "Whatever happens, I'll get through this :^)" and that seems to be enough for them, but you know, it gets really tiring after saying the same shit for decades while getting ignored and lied to and jerked around again and again and again because nobody cares enough to do their part. The only reason that statement is even true is because what is my other option? Death? Of course I'll "get through it"; if I'm still technically alive then I've technically made it through. That doesn't mean it's OK. That doesn't mean it will ever be OK.
I'm so tired of just hanging on the edge, waiting for things to fall. Then falling, then catching on another edge and having to wait again. But nobody's gonna reach down and pull me up, are they? And especially not during The Holidays; what a downer that would be!
tl;dr: I'm just a thing nobody feels like dealing with and my life continues to get worse while everybody's Christmas cheer just rubs salt in the wounds.