Anarchist Beauty's posts

Posted in I dont know.. Posted 6 years ago

Not having a personal and in depth insight to your life makes it hard to offer much helpful advice, but if what I've read here is any indication of your life... You're in a relationship with an abusive asshole.

That's probably not something you want to be told and clearly not something you are willing to accept, but it seems to be the truth. People who admit they are assholes but do absolutely nothing to change or resolve that part of themselves, are in fact assholes. And the ones who claim it's "just a part of [their] personality" are even worse. 'Asshole' is not a personality trait, it's a toxic one.

I understand that grief, unresolved or otherwise, can drastically change a person (I have dealt with such things myself) but they are absolutely no excuse to treat the people who love and care about you like crap. They are absolutely not free passes to continue being an asshole who does nothing to try and stop being an asshole.

All that added onto the fact that it took a medical diagnosis for him to believe you weren't just being lazy or over emotional is very telling. Plus the fact that you mentioned he still doesn't get it, which generally means he doesn't care or doesn't value your emotions; and definitely doesn't seem to value your mental health.

Telling you to "pack [your] shit" and threatening to leave you are also abusive things. Very abusive. Especially taking into account that he has "made [you] leave" and "forced [you] to leave again" once you returned. That's so not healthy, babe, and you need to get away from him. Tactics like that are his way of exercising control over you and the fact that you kept returning prove to him that he can do whatever the hell he wants and you'll stick around. It's not healthy for anyone involved.

Constant accusations of flirting are also bad. Insecure men can turn around and do some very dangerous things, and considering he is already this abusive I'm honestly fearing for your safety now. These things are not normal or healthy in anyway. This is not normal, none of it.

I know a common struggle among abuse victims or people in abusive relationships is trying to figure out "what really counts as abusive" but really, if you have that thought chances are you are in an abusive relationship and you need to try and do what you can to get away from it and him.

Leaving can be hard, sometimes it can seem impossible but it can be done. It should be done. Because staying will just tear you down more, and build him up more by showing him that his actions have no consequences and if his actions have no consequence there is nothing inspiring him to change. And if he doesn't change, he will get worse, and if he gets worse the abuse will too; and no one wants that.