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Voltie Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/02/6 02:20:40 )



Stop it, why do you fear so much what other people will say about you? Why does everytime you strike a conversation with someone, you think they automatically hate you already? You can't make everyone like you, your not going to be everyone's ideal cupcake. Is just how the way it is. Just be grateful to the ones that's already genuinely loves you

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Donator — Voltie Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/02/14 03:05:55 )
sometimes I have an incredible urge to crash everyone's RP threads with an impromptu OC or as one of the existing characters. It probably comes from the fact that I can never keep my own rp running beyond the 2nd page...
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Donator Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/02/14 20:35:25 )
____________



    I have a habit of not expressing my worries with my friends even if I’m there for them. I guess I just feel like I’m so strong that I don’t need to burden them with it and it bothers me.



____________

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bloop

Donator — Voltie Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/02/18 02:20:12 )
@Bonnie: omg can relate.
But I don't feel strong. Just alone. 😂 It's a problem.
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Ping me

Donator — haunting Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/02/18 02:27:19 )

i am really trying hard to tolerate my best friend but she keeps trying to steal my projects at work and butt in where she isn't welcome and it's very annoying. we have different jobs. why can't she just do hers? why does she constantly have to try to do mine as well?


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hello again

Donator — He/Him. Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/03/1 11:03:24 )
I have abandonment issues that stem from various different things. And I'm afraid that one day,my boyfriend will change his mind about me (not want to be with me anymore),as other partners have...
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Voltie — he/him Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/03/2 09:31:19 )
i met a coolgirl today and im kinda infatuated by her
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Voltie Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/03/11 00:04:02 )


Why is it so hard to stay motivated?
Like the answwers is right there in front of me!


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Art DumpAvatar GalleryQuest Items



Voltie — They/Them Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/03/11 00:49:43 )
I'm in a long distance relationship, and haven't been able to see my partner in over 6 months, so I'm rather physically starved. I've never acted on this, but I get the urge to randomly kiss friends when I'm talking to them and it makes me feel disgusted in myself.
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Voltie Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/03/12 04:45:35 )

can life just. stop tossing shit at me GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK uuuggggghhhh im anxious and stressed to the point of nausea just........ stooooop


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Donator — He/They Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/03/12 05:38:29 )

it's hard to get things done sometimes because i get burnt out and want a break after just a few minutes of doing pretty much anything :'^)

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ALWAYS PING ME

Voltie — He/Him Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/04/16 08:44:27 )
Do you ever just get hit with intense nostalgia like...I was sorting through something in my room and found an Underground map that someone gave to me when my sister and I last visited the UK in 2017...

We moved away from the UK when I was 7, so obviously I was still looking through rose-tinted glasses, and I know it's been almost a decade and a half since then, of course things have changed even without the childlike view of my hometown that I had...

I miss it and I want to go home but it doesn't exist like it did when I was a kid.

I got that distinct feeling when we went to visit my grandma in 2017...

Home no longer exists.

Hah, funny that I keep thinking of it as home even though I haven't lived there for, what, 14 years? Two thirds of my entire life?

Hah... I miss the drizzle and the cold and bookstores, I miss the fireplaces and chimneys and the public transport like trains you can use daily without fearing your life or possessions constantly... I mean, it's still a risk, obviously, but...its safer.

I know there's tons of bad points about London and how screwed up everything is right now.

My sister didn't like it when we went in 2017, she said...it was...something, I can't remember. I think something about people being a lot less friendly than they used to? I don't remember, though, I've never been much of a people person to begin with.

Man, look at me getting caught up in nostalgia, huh...

Maybe one day I can go back but I don't even have a valid passport to leave this current country right now. Tried like three times in 2019 and even though I already had a passport before that just needed renewing, they "apparently" changed the policy so I can't get it renewed unless both my parents have local passports but my mum only has a french one and allowed to live here, ugh....I want to go home to the place that no longer exists

Rip money and everything else it takes these days huh...how am I supposed to get a job I can even do....one of my failings, huh...can't do people jobs, I'd suck at deadline things....what am I supposed to do...how much longer until I get cut off and cant find anything to do to save me

...i guess this all comes after the virus blowing over tho, of course....how long will that be? Months?
A year? Years?

Home sucks but its home I guess
Though I don't even know what home is apparently anymore
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"I'm the loser of the game you didn't know you were playing."

Ping me for a response.

"Someday, somewhere, somehow..."

Voltie — They/Them Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/04/16 17:51:05 )
There's something foul about the air here...

Whenever my mom and brother get in a fight and my little sister tells me he did something like run out of the house or jump over the fence that separates my house from the interstate, I breathe a sigh of relief because he has messed up my and my entire household's lives in the worst way possible, and I can't wait for him to leave for good, whatever manner that is.


...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
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Donator Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/04/22 08:53:33 )


[x]

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pls don't

Voltie Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/8 16:22:22 )
My brain keeps being dumb this past week as if it's going "ah yes, let's remember those old diagnoses you had as a kid and pretend you're only that and not your own person at all" which is a pretty shitty brain thing to do

Other shitty brain things are when I'm thinking and just unthinkingly spit out a bad slur in my own direction like damn....this sure is internalized shit huh

Other than that I really need to think about getting a job when everything is over and what kind of job I'd be able to handle that actually pays a wage I can fucking live on
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Donator — Fujoshi Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/18 18:14:52 )
TSUN TSUN TSUN (︿)

So I took one of those 6 hours psychological tests back in February, and I finally got my results back.
One good thing I found out is that my IQ is super high, which is surprising because I feel so stupid due to my anxiety and depression a lot of times.

The downside is that I now am officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, PTSD, major depressive and anxiety disorder, and I need to work a lot on myself to keep from spiraling down. ):

This is all stuff I feel like I can’t tell my friends and fam, so I’m posting it here just because I feel like I want to share it somewhere.


( ) DERE DERE DERE
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The truth behind Reaping Ritual 2019


Art by the rightful Mayor, Kiwi

Donator — UWU/ Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/18 21:12:01 )
@Tsundererra: nuuu tsun ;w; im here for ya if you need an ear to listen to.
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月の兎 ☆★☆ 鹿の光
カイル • WISHLIST

Voltie — They/them Posted 5 years ago ( 2020/05/21 07:46:17 )
Confession: I am going down in my medicine dose to conserve the medicine I have left until the psych I'm seeing in June gives me a new prescription. She says she can't give me the meds I'm currently on, so I'll have to switch. I'm worried about lethargy and weight gain, and I'm worried I'll go psychotic like I've done the other times I've switched.
I'm also worried I'll go psychotic from the decreased dose, but I don't see any other option at this point.

Part of me just wants to get off meds all together, but my last attempt gave me a month in the psych ward, so I know that's not a viable option.
I'm just so frustrated with the whole situation. I'm sick of side effects and feeling bad if I miss a dose, I'm sick of spending tons of money on stupid pills, and I'm sick of not being able to hold my shit together if I don't get meds.
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I've always wanted to lift a large quadraped over my head

Voltie Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/06/15 14:49:14 )

the world is better because you were in it. and the world is lesser now because you are gone...
thank you for everything. I only wish I was able to tell you that one last time.
wherever you are now, I'm sure you're leaving a mark on those around you, the same way you've touched the lives of countless neighbors, coworkers, friends, and generations of students.
rest in peace.


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Donator — FluffyBoi Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/06/15 21:12:44 )
I confess that these past months since the whole pandemic started, my mental health has been affected. Money is still a big issue in my household and despite being hassle to get "a" job by my mother and brother, every single place I send my resumé out to or fill out a job application doesn't call back or bother replying. Since I can't do much to assist on the money front despite my freelancing job at the company my dad works for, I've been doing what I can to help at home. I'm in charge of ordering the food we eat every week, and picking it up. If mom or my brother need something from Walgreens, I'm the one who goes. Anything medicine related, it's mostly me to handle. Even so, I feel extremely useless just because I don't bring in much money, despite how my brother only worked two events in February after losing his job last year(he's a bartender). They never say I love you and rarely show any signs of affection. The arguments between my mother and I, I always feel like I'm the bad guy and just a burden for them. I haven't talked to my offline group much because two of the people in there remind me too much of my mother and brother in terms of attitude, so I've kept my distance. I had a car accident this morning and I broke down. All the tears I hadn't shed over how I've been feeling came pouring out of me. I didn't cry in front of the owner of the car I hit or the officer handling the claim, but when I was alone in the car, I couldn't stop crying. I felt a panic attack coming on, and I haven't had one since last year. I need to get out of this place, even if it's just for a few days. I can't take this anymore...
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Lucifer's Pet

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