I'm very terrible at replying to other people. Sometimes I'm too scared to reply to them, so I keep on delaying my reply until I forget to actually respond.
Forums Serious Talk Confessions (Make a Confession)
This website is kind of consuming my life and I feel a little guilty about it but it's also inspiring me to do things again and I'm honestly having a the best time I've had since I can't remember. Part of me wants to pull away because it's probably not the healthiest thing but the other part wants to just fall in and see where this rabbit hole goes.
Millet, spilling the tea: my anxiety has been so high lately I really feel like it's doing physical damage lmao. I can literally feel my heart beat in my eyeballs. Even if my mind is unbothered my body just consistently disagrees with me.
I'm too sick to be working. I'm definitely too sick to be driving. And yet I am going to do both today. أ‿أ
I really feel like I've lost someone so dear to me, even though you are only a click away from me. :(
It's why I made an account on here... I miss being able to talk to you.
It's why I made an account on here... I miss being able to talk to you.
@ for reply!
☾✧ quest tracker:
☾✧ quest tracker:
I guess I really...
I don't know.
It's always hard to talk about problems. Either people look far too into what I say or just assume I'm being Edgy TM. Which has happened a couple of times with... Remind me again why I made friends with teenagers five years younger than me?
Am I seriously that desperate for friends?
Why do I even need irl friends... I have the internet, don't I..?
At least my true internet friends don't call me edgy when I show them vent art I did...but then again, I guess I hardly show them my art in the first place....
Ugh... Why does it have to hit back again right in the beginning of the year.
I was hoping I'd be over this.
But I guess I'll never truly be.
Worthless? I guess so.
That awkward moment when those two teenagers you made friends with who are five years younger than you make you feel like shit because they're so much better than you at the things you like doing and you can't remember why you're still alive again.
How am I even supposed to talk about my problems when so many people out there have it a lot worse than me?
I don't need to be babied or watched out for.
It's not like I'd...
These teenagers are at that awkward age they have so many problems of their own and I can't deal with that, I was never made for helping people. I can listen, but I can't comment. I try to lighten things or keep the piece but how do you do that when your own smile feels fake af and has been for years?
Ugh.
I'm just being selfish again
I don't know.
It's always hard to talk about problems. Either people look far too into what I say or just assume I'm being Edgy TM. Which has happened a couple of times with... Remind me again why I made friends with teenagers five years younger than me?
Am I seriously that desperate for friends?
Why do I even need irl friends... I have the internet, don't I..?
At least my true internet friends don't call me edgy when I show them vent art I did...but then again, I guess I hardly show them my art in the first place....
Ugh... Why does it have to hit back again right in the beginning of the year.
I was hoping I'd be over this.
But I guess I'll never truly be.
Worthless? I guess so.
That awkward moment when those two teenagers you made friends with who are five years younger than you make you feel like shit because they're so much better than you at the things you like doing and you can't remember why you're still alive again.
How am I even supposed to talk about my problems when so many people out there have it a lot worse than me?
I don't need to be babied or watched out for.
It's not like I'd...
These teenagers are at that awkward age they have so many problems of their own and I can't deal with that, I was never made for helping people. I can listen, but I can't comment. I try to lighten things or keep the piece but how do you do that when your own smile feels fake af and has been for years?
Ugh.
I'm just being selfish again
[x]
pls don't
I read all confessions and rants. All of them. If you're wondering if someone read it, I did and I'm silently wishing for a positive outcome for you. ♥
I haven’t eaten this much in ages. D:
I’ve been told that I’m eating a normal amount of food, but it just seems like too much and it’s gross.
My other medicine pretty much eradicated my hunger except at its most severe, so eating this much just seems so gross to me.
I feel like a pig.
But... I’ll take it. Definitely better than worrying if your heart is going to stop on you while you sleep. x_x;;
I’ve been told that I’m eating a normal amount of food, but it just seems like too much and it’s gross.
My other medicine pretty much eradicated my hunger except at its most severe, so eating this much just seems so gross to me.
I feel like a pig.
But... I’ll take it. Definitely better than worrying if your heart is going to stop on you while you sleep. x_x;;
Oh my love, I know you are my candyman
And oh my love, let us fly to bounty land~~
Közi (“Kouji.”)
He/him
I have so much to do and I don't want to do any of it. It shouldn't even be my responsibility in the first place, there just isn't anyone else who will do it. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to them and I just wish I knew what to do.
Mallow
TumbleweedMy Sons
Praying seems to make me feel even worse about any given situation and sends my anxiety through the roof.
I guess I'm not doing it right.
Please ping! I get distracted easily. 
I've noticed for some time now that I have some kind of anxiety around trying things I know I might like. It's especially noticeable when it comes to music, like if I see a song or album from an artist I enjoy, I'll avoid listening to it. Sometimes I also do this with things I have already tried, and sometimes I'll get uncomfortable in the middle of something if I catch myself enjoying it "too much". I can't pinpoint exactly what this feeling is, whether it's fear of getting too wrapped up in something/not being on the alert, or some kind of guilt over having fun/being happy. Maybe it's both. Maybe it's Maybelline.
AKA Count Trashula
really depressed and i have no one to talk to at all
this sucks
and also i've been waiting like a month for this stupid prescription to go through. idk what's going on. it's the last fucking antidepressant left to try. why even bother. it's probably not gonna do anything, just like the rest of them.
this sucks
and also i've been waiting like a month for this stupid prescription to go through. idk what's going on. it's the last fucking antidepressant left to try. why even bother. it's probably not gonna do anything, just like the rest of them.
Hahahahahahahahahaha
Oh boy.
Really need to do shit but my body keeps fighting me.
Or is it my mind.
Idk.
Props to dropping out of uni halfway through your degree coz you wanna die.
Where did my parents money go
Somebody's gonna come along and call me edgy and liar or be like youre a coward and if you try to make things better they will be
Hahaha yeah.
I know that
I've always known im a fucking coward.
Every time i try doing something recently it turns out like shit.
Fun
I have so much i need to do want to do for things but i
Idk
Thanks new year
This is a really great note to start off on.
Oh well.
Not like there's any difference from the past five years...right...?
I hate it.
And im taking a break from uni this year so
Idk if I'll be going back next year.
Mum keeps drilling it into my head that theyre not gonna support me forever like as if i dont know that plz stop telling me i know ive done fuck all with your money thats why i thought it would be better if i didnt exist so i wouldnt be wasting your money anymor im sorry im sorry i just dont
But yeah
Should get a job somewhere or something
Emotions are waverin g between numbness and wanting to dehydrate myself through my eyes.
Did i even drink enough water for that
Maybe thats the reason i always find it hard to cry.
I should probably eat some food too...ehh...
Just wanna sleep....
Oh boy.
Really need to do shit but my body keeps fighting me.
Or is it my mind.
Idk.
Props to dropping out of uni halfway through your degree coz you wanna die.
Where did my parents money go
Somebody's gonna come along and call me edgy and liar or be like youre a coward and if you try to make things better they will be
Hahaha yeah.
I know that
I've always known im a fucking coward.
Every time i try doing something recently it turns out like shit.
Fun
I have so much i need to do want to do for things but i
Idk
Thanks new year
This is a really great note to start off on.
Oh well.
Not like there's any difference from the past five years...right...?
I hate it.
And im taking a break from uni this year so
Idk if I'll be going back next year.
Mum keeps drilling it into my head that theyre not gonna support me forever like as if i dont know that plz stop telling me i know ive done fuck all with your money thats why i thought it would be better if i didnt exist so i wouldnt be wasting your money anymor im sorry im sorry i just dont
But yeah
Should get a job somewhere or something
Emotions are waverin g between numbness and wanting to dehydrate myself through my eyes.
Did i even drink enough water for that
Maybe thats the reason i always find it hard to cry.
I should probably eat some food too...ehh...
Just wanna sleep....
We’ll carry on
I have these vitamin tablet and it says “easy to swallow” on the package.
Guess who keep choking on them? >.>
Guess who keep choking on them? >.>
In this game, Avakin life, I have some expensive shit on my avatar. The most expensive hair is like 800 coins. I have wings that are 20k and an animation of 10k.
Newbies keep asking me to buy stuff for them.
No.
Now even people who are higher levels than me demand things (buy me an animation set).
Fuck no. Go buy your own crap.
Newbies keep asking me to buy stuff for them.
No.
Now even people who are higher levels than me demand things (buy me an animation set).
Fuck no. Go buy your own crap.
Tomorrow ( or in 11 hours... ) I will be getting to the doctor to get some bloodsamples taken. Usually getting bloodsamples taken doesnt bother me, but since my last bloodsamples with a doctor that I'm not used to have, looking at my bloodtest results and be staring from the screen to me back to the screen, where he starteed talking about him having a suspicion that I might have leukemia.
Since then Ive been a bit nervous.. The nervousness have now planted itself so deeply that I would almost call it anxiety..
I have not talked with my family nor my friends about it, thinking they got enough concern in their RL lifes as it is.. especially my family.
Just felt like getting this off of my chest
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Having you as a Voltie would be awesome.