Devilkinboi's posts

@Kozi: I just really wanna eat some mofongo. Dx I haven't had any in forever.

@Kozi: Yeah. And I may be having lunch with my dad tomorrow too. We have no idea where to even go though.

@Kozi: And she's completely blind to the effect she has on me. :/ Ugh. Least my brother doesn't hassle me too much.

@xvz: I'm really thankful that I have them.

@xvz: It's just so exhausting how demanding she is of me while my brothers can get away with doing the bare minimum.

Despite how she is, my dad, oldest brothers, offline friend group and my online friends are all supportive. Some weren't even surprised when I told them, saying they were waiting for me to figure it out on my own.

@Kozi: Yeah, it was over three weeks, and neither of us were hurt. Brother may have given me attitude, but when I explained what happened, he told me to find the car key(I dropped it on the way back), and when I returned, told me to leave putting away the food to him and immediately take a shower. Mom, however... didn't ask how I was. And now, being more concerned about the woman? It feels really shitty.

@Kozi: Currently in a bad mood. Mom's more concerned about the emotional state of the lady whose car I backed into than my own. Driving home after picking her up from therapy, she talked about how the woman is so emotionally affected because of the accident and that she's going to need a lot of support. -____- Meanwhile, I somehow didn't have a panic attack that day, or maybe I did. I just remember crying and screaming in the car while waiting for the police to arrive, picking up the food after getting the claim number and breaking down into tears when I got home and my brother gave me a bit of attitude.

-waves- Heyo.

At least, I hope it is. I don't think there could possibly be any more missing screens, but I guess we'll see.

@Xanthan: More wine for you then!

@Xanthan: I don't like wine though.

@Xanthan: I uh...actually love onions.

@xvz: My doctor is helping me work to not internalize it so much, since she's heard so much about how my mother treats me when compared to how she is with my brothers. There's a BIG difference. She denies it though. Says she treats all of us equally. However, if you ask my dad, my grandmother or anyone outside the family, they'll flat out tell you there's preferential treatment for the boys(it happened in her childhood as well. Her brothers were the special ones and she wasn't). While I understand why she has some behaviors, I don't excuse it either. :/

She's also having difficulty accepting that I'm trans. I was terrified of telling her because of how she'd react. She dreamt about having a daughter, the whole dresses, dressing up, white wedding, etc. We'd clash over that to the point where our relationship became strained. I'd go months where I wouldn't talk to her or answer her calls. When I did tell her, she seemed okay at first. But on her birthday, when I asked her to please use my preferred pronouns, that I didn't expect it to happen immediately and I know she'd make mistakes, she just started making it all about her and how I ruined her day(this was at night after she got so many phone calls from friends and family, and birthday messages), that I was asking too much of her and I'm still her daughter. I didn't go off at her, but I felt extremely upset. She's done so much for one of my brothers, things she honestly shouldn't have(that's a whole other story I won't get into), but me asking about my pronouns was too much. :/

The day I can finally move out and live on my own, I'm going to keep my distance. She's an extremely toxic person to be around.

Received the missing screens for the previous assignment and was going to start working on them today. Boss then sends more emails including all the screens plus the logo for the next corporation that needs them. Hoo boy, I got enough to keep me busy for the time being! And yet again, more green. All I'll see soon is green. But least I got paid for the part I finished of the previous assignment.