neko says;

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YOU STRESS ME OUT OK

Im so sick of feeling so alone. Im sick of feeling like I'm useless. I mess everything up, people always are mad at me..a total fuck up. I dont ever do anything right. Nobody notices me. My friends don't care. I'm never invited anywhere. My friends invited a girl they barely talk to, to go with them. Ive known these girls since kindergarten. All my friends left me and won't tell me why. I gave one friend a hundred dollars to help out with her daughter, I gave her food, clothes, etc. She never says a word. Everyone leaves me behind. I'm always the extra one. Nobody volunteered to let me ride with them for our group field trip, I was the only one who had to ride with the teacher. This is my senior year, I'm supposed to be having fun.. but everyone abandoned me. I didn't come to school for a long time because of mental health issues and people are talking shit, saying I'm just lazy and that I shouldn't graduate, that I'm just a suck up, that I'm lazy. Then one of my friends wants a semi colon tattoo, when she has no idea what it means, and she has made fun of people who hurt themselves before. How ironic.. My family won't talk to me, my boyfriends family is angry with me, and I just feel...horrible. I know when people yell at me that sometimes things aren't my fault and I am not in the wrong but I just take it and tell myself that I deserve it. That I shouldn't be so clumsy or dumb or I should think or this or that. I'm in cosmetology class right now sitting in the back room alone, and nobody has really noticed that Im not there. Not even the teacher. Nobody. Am I selfish for wanting just a tiny bit of attention? A small act of kindness, any little flare of maybe someone caring about me for once? I really tried to reach out and hang out but every time I say anything I am ignored.The other day I heard them talking about how I "seclude myself and nobodys making me sit alone maybe she should talk and try to be social"... I seclude myself because when I do try to talk to anyone, I am avoided and ignored.
God, I feel like a child typing this. I shouldn't let this shit bother me, it's like elemantary..

I was stupid to mention that my 25th birthday means a lot to me. I’ve only been saying it for a year now. Saying I should have saved money and planned a trip, because honestly, I have no one to spend my birthday with, wasn’t supposed to start a fight. I never asked you to plan anything for my birthday.. you treat my birthday and holidays as if they are a chore.. you forgot my birthday candles last year, I know none of that should matter, but it does. My mom picked out my cake, the only thing you were responsible for.. the candles.

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I'm seriously so done with people.