God it was a disaster when I got back. I've cleaned more in the 5 minutes I've been back home than my roommates have done in the day I've been gone. Fucking lazy.

Spoiler ↓

I'm messed up because I'm too aware of the passage of time again and how little time is left on earth, how little time we get to live and what a short window we have to enjoy it... Life is so short and I've made nothing of it. I've wasted all my "best" years and I'm nowhere. I feel like I'll never be anywhere important, I'll make nothing of it, I'll never be somebody to be loved or admired or even tolerated... I don't like who I am. I don't like what I've done. I can't even stand to look at myself and I don't want others to see me either... I want to be a non presence as I am now, but I don't want to stay the way I am now. I can't escape this cycle. I'm miserable and I have nobody to blame but myself. There's a reason I don't have anyone who cares about me and by the miracle I do, they either don't know the real me, or I just screw them over anyway and push them away too.

I'm so unhappy I want a do over... I hate who I am... I hate this...

neko says;
Are we falling apart? I hope not. But with the almost daily arguments, I think we might be.

I'm scared.

neko says;

Spoiler ↓

Why are you such a fucking bitch all the time? Literally all you have to do is sit on your ass at work. You're like a child who won't cook for yourself, do your own laundry, pick up your dog's poop. YOU'RE 35 YEARS OLD. You act like a child. you're such a brat. You throwing shit right now because, wow, I want to know if we're going to the gym, and this is how you act? I asked you twice and I'm pestering you?
I don't want to go with you anyway. Fuck all the way off.

My understaffed department FINALLY got another person starting today. They are someone who has previously worked in the department, but had transferred to the other side of the store for half a year because she hated it so much. Somehow the managers convinced her to come back.

SO the rant part of this, is how infuriating one of my coworkers is being.

My department manager and Asst manager are both off this weekend and didn't bother to tell -anyone- what this new lady (I'll just call her K here) will be doing, so my 2 coworkers (G and V) and I were caught off guard. Usually when department manager is out, others come to me for advice, since I guess I'm always the one willing to take charge or initiative in the absence of our authorities. I don't cave to anger and throw my hands up XD I have also dabbled in most of the bakery's tasks so I'm knowledgeable enough to guide someone who might be newer to something.
ANyways, I was trying to talk to K about the situation, while we're standing in between G and V. I suggested that K could start by helping G bag the bread that was baked today. G always has a huge work load and barely has enough time to finish every day, so this would be great for her sake. The bagging takes about 2 hours or less with tag-teaming, so when it is finished then she could hop over to V and help stock the floor with other items.
G was standing there agreeing with this approach, but V started having a hissy fit because of our lack of authority figures. V has a history of being super grouchy all the time. She acts up any time anything changes or every time our managers have time off. The world ends, life is ruined, ect.
But this week she has been extra angry. It's understandable for her to be that way to some degree, our jobs are overwhelming in general. But she shamelessly crosses the line into personal harassment on a regular basis and gets away with it cause everyone has this attitude that "Oh that's just V". I actually snapped at her briefly on monday for being an outright dick.
So even though K has agreed to join our department to help us, TO HELP V TOO since she's always complaining about workloads, K is being treated like she is some unwelcome pest?? So V is verbally shoving K onto G and I, saying that she will have nothing to do with any of it. She refuses to help K with any refreshers and was just making K feel bad and awkward, by being so ungrateful for no reason. When G and I went on lunch breaks (they overlapped by half an hour, since we all have hour long lunches), V decided to leave too so K would be entirely alone. K is able to manage herself for the most part, but when it comes to the cakes and cake orders, she has no idea what to do. It's lucky she didn't get in a tricky situation with no manager or coworker to turn to -___-

In the end, G pulled me aside to discuss the matter. Kind of agreed to just ignore V and help K as much as we can and to stick with the idea of having her hop from bread to floor stocking until thursday, when the manager can enlighten us all. Maybe we'll be lucky and that's exactly what manager wants K to do anyways? And by thursday, I'm sure K will have a good grip on the tasks so it'll be even easier. It's pretty simple stuff when you get the rules down. Most of the job is mastering speed.

Of course, I didn't get to go home before hearing about more of V's bullshit. I texted G from across the store to tell her I would be on a little break, and some other tasks I was doing were cancelled due to computer maintenance. G texts me back to ask if I can do an additional task. When I return to the bakery to do this, G is expressing how V basically chewed her head off over it. Like, I don't know all of the details, but why in the hell would someone get mad at me AND G just because they want me to do a little 10 minute task?? V keeps assuming I'm some irresponsible twat, so maybe she guessed I would refuse? But in the seven months I've been working in the bakery, I have never acted irresponsibly (well maybe once when I left early, but I was devastated by some personal stuff) or refused any task that I had time for.

I just dont get this woman :vanora_neutral:
It's exhausting working with such anger every day.