Shadami's posts
Posted in Dragon's Den ~ Milestone BIRTHDAY Celebration!
Posted 5 years ago
The echo of the Cave stops eventually. :3
Posted in [Dragon's Quest] - Chat with me
Posted 5 years ago
Yeah. It would be really nice xD that way I know I have someone their supporting me so I keep going.
... Planet fitness .... Eh.... They're more like... Here is free pizza so we keep your business for as long as possible. XD we love you all so much [especially your money]
They were really nice though, and I did enjoy working out there while I was. ^^
Posted in Sims 4
Posted 5 years ago
Well the realm of magic trailer has been released. :D two world's, five lots.
Definitely witches and magic.
Possibly an alchemy skill? And a flying skill?
Posted in Shadami's silly quests
Posted 5 years ago
@vengeance: So 3,220 total volts? :D I actually have that right now! ^-^
Posted in Shadami's silly quests
Posted 5 years ago
@vengeance: how much would that be for?
Posted in Shadami's silly quests
Posted 5 years ago
Oh goodness. I need to update this again dontni
Posted in Buying and Selling partially Updated 11/7/20
Posted 5 years ago
Shadami:
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Next Trade:
Librarian 10k 
Ancient Splendor 10k
Wondrous Wisteria 4k
Ballad of the Bard 4k
Ombre Cherub Curls 2k
10k/30k
Next Trade:
Librarian 10k Ancient Splendor 10k Wondrous Wisteria 4k Ballad of the Bard 4k Ombre Cherub Curls 2k 10k/30k
Updating amount. Still having the volts trade issue where it changes how much input in unless I zero it out first.
Posted in It started as 4 am ravings of a sad woman
Posted 5 years ago
Giving away items on an avatar site feels like that warning they always give you. "When people start giving away the items they love they're probably about to commit suicide. Say something to them. Be there for them."
Of course it usually online means they're just quitting the site. But my depressed state of mind is seeing it badly...
It's a bad day.
Posted in It started as 4 am ravings of a sad woman
Posted 5 years ago
My husband bought me something for mother's day with good intentions. It has a sweet thought behind it. He knew i've been struggling with writing lately. I haven't been able to get past my depression and writing blocks. He thought that having a book of writing prompts would help me.
Now of course there is the typical thing in the front of the book that says that it can't be reproduced. So I won't. But I will say that it's a journal. That it isn't exactly the kind of writing prompts that help me write stories.
It's prompts that help you write journals. To get your emotions on paper.
It's not something I'm good at.
But Writing in it might help me right now while I'm struggling.
Sometimes I wonder if my dream of traveling is really a good thing. I don't have the money. I can't speak other languages. I'm horrible at remembering history and cultures. I fail at trivia. Maybe i should stay hiding in my own little apartment.
Posted in I need 65 more lanterns for a crate. Who wants to chat?
Posted 5 years ago
it was a nice wedding, just tiring. xD
Posted in It started as 4 am ravings of a sad woman
Posted 5 years ago
here is webMDs suggestions
Not that relying on webMD is ever the right thing to do. But it's a stepping stone. I already know there is depression.
I already know that I can't afford professional help.
And I always want to fight it and strive to be better.
I have strong will power. I need to rely on that now to push my way through.
Posted in It started as 4 am ravings of a sad woman
Posted 5 years ago
link to a depression warning signs article
I'm posting this for reference for myself. And now I'm going to search for a "how to battle depression" and "how to get others to listen" ext. Blah blah blah.
I need the people around me that are causing my anxiety by not listening when I try to talk to them to step up and take responsibility for their own actions. I don't like being used and abused.
Posted in It started as 4 am ravings of a sad woman
Posted 5 years ago
Having another panic attack so I'm gonna rant here to get it out so that it doesn't turn into anything worse.
So warning note or whatever I guess.
I'm mad about things that I can't say out loud because I feel like it's breaking some code of complaint. When others can't do what they are responsible for and expect you to do it for them.
"You're a push over right? You do it because I don't want to"
No no NO NO. That's not how life works. And I'm not going to do what others are responsible when it's just going to make it so that I can't do any of my own responsibilities because other people just expect me to make their lives easier. What is wrong with the world and not having good work ethics. I have things I need to do to make my life healthy. And that feels like I have to start cutting people from my life that are toxic.
And that's a really hard thing to do.
Also I'm hungry. I really hate being poor and not having food
I'm so pregnant that because I can't keep up with dishes. The dishes I need to cook dinner aren't washed and so once I wash them I'm in so much pain that I can't cook. Then my sugar crashes and I can't do anything. And I'm gonna go into early labor if this keeps hapoening.
And I don't want to lose the baby.
But I'm also so fed up with things and so depressed that I don't want the baby either.
But I would never do anything to hurt any of my children. I just don't want to deal with any of them anymore either. And I feel like the worst mom in the world for thinking that.
And I'm stupidly watching criminal minds that are like "these serial killers when they were kids had these horrible lives where they were ignored and left to do anything they wanted" and then the stupid commercial I remember from my childhood "when you're depressed, you are harming others by not being there for them." It's like
... Are you telling me because I'm in pain I'm gonna turn my children into unstable psychopaths ?!?
How is any of this good for someone who is depressed. How can they think that will help. It only makes things worse because it's like saying there is nothing you can do. You've already screwed up and your life is over. You've ruined it for anyone around you that you love.
Posted in Daily Lore & Evolving Goldfish
Posted 5 years ago
Oh no! :O get better soon!