Shadami's posts

Posted in It started as 4 am ravings of a sad woman Posted 5 years ago

So this post could be incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid.

I debated putting it into serious talk, so that should give you an idea of what kind of thread this is going to be.

I'm putting warning labels or whatever on this first post to say something may trigger something for someone because heck it probably will.

I am however trying to keep it abiding in all the forum rules so what I say is also probably going to be quite sugar coated....

Not to mention I'm always terrified to share my emotions with anyone.
Let alone random people on the internet that can see this forever once I post it.

Because as everyone knows. Once it's on the internet it is forever.

I will obviously leave names out for privacy blah blah ect.
But I'm poor.
I have so so insurance that really isn't taken by anyone. It's hard to find a good doctor that takes my insurance.
One more problem with being poor.
If you want real help...
You need money.

But I need help. And I need it now.

I don't have anyone to talk to.
I can't find the will power to do much of anything anymore.
I cry pretty much every day and it takes all my will power just to get out of bed every morning and to force myself to sleep every night.

I think I'm depressed.

I almost don't want anyone to read this because it hurts to share my emotions. I've been hurt so much through my life.

I just celebrated my 28th birthday and got hugs from my parents. My brother. My children.
Happy birthday wishes from my mother in law via a Facebook post on her wall and a call from my brother and sister. None from my third brother of course because his wife shares my birthday. And some complete strangers on the Sims forums.
And one text message from a friend I've had since kindergarten.

No cake. No presents. Nothing special.

I'm not a self centered person. In fact I try really really hard to put others first and make people happy. I never want to bring others down. But my birthday is special to me. It's the one day of the year that I really want people to notice me. To say hey. You know what? I know as much about you as you do about others. Here is something special to make you happy. Thank you for being you.

It's a day I want to be noticed for all my hard work. To be appreciated.

I know that I'm just a shadow in the background that is never noticed.

When I am noticed it's usually to be ridiculed and made fun of for one thing or another.
I'm always screwing up.
I'm not perfect.

This post is getting really long. What I wanted to say is that I'm going to use this as a journal kind of. I'm fine with people stepping in and talking to me. I don't need advice really. But maybe someone to listen. To notice. To say hey, everything is going to be alright. You can get through this.
Have someone notice me when it feels like I'm drowning.

I know I am noticed. There are so many lovely people on here that I've made friends with and always enjoy having conversations with.

But I also feel like I'm insignificant and don't matter. I need a safe space that I can just talk and pull myself out of this depression. I don't want to let it win.

Posted in Buying and Selling partially Updated 11/7/20 Posted 5 years ago

mato:
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@shadami: I can sell you a sticky fingers and a lil piggies for the prices listed!

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@mato: hey there. :) I wanted to check in with you and see if you still have these two items for sale. I know it has been forever but life just caught me up and swirled away with me.
If you do, I have the volts right now. :)[/color]

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Posted in Evolving Fishie Recolors - VOTING THREAD! Posted 5 years ago

They were some amazing choices. Great job all. :)

Posted in Static's Nature Scavenger Hunt -A Photography Contest- Posted 5 years ago

I'm so sad. i really wanted to do this, and my camera is dead and I just didn't get around to it. Why oh why do i have to be pregnant right now.
I tried to get a picture of the moon and a beautiful cloud. but it came out horrible and you couldn't tell it was the moon. nor see my name.