Xanthan's posts

@DevilkinBoi: so I'm running through forums as I'm headed to work and I come across this post and all I see is underwater manly crying. Could you inform me what it is that you're watching and where because it seems very interesting. I've never Heard of underwater manly crying but I'm intrigued.:)

@Totalanimefan: tres chic. I'm learning so much from you. Like a tea connoisseur! I used to get a hibiscus tea that was Cherry hibiscus but to me it was just a little too sweet and too overwhelming.

@Totalanimefan: delicious sounding. I've just been craving a peach or hibiscus flavor. :) thanks for the 411

@vengeance: @Alethna: banned as in the police take him off the property and told him he's not allowed back on it ever again. 🚔 As far as a restraining order goes I don't want to discuss that on here because that's more of a legal matter and I just don't feel comfortable with that.

But in the end today has been a bit of a rough day but my son I got a lot of things accomplished. 📋And things are coming together. I reached out and got helped. my son has reached out and got help. he says he doesn't need it, but he's doing it for me cuz I said you know sometimes down the road we've realized maybe we do need to talk to somebody so we both agreed that we were going to reach out.

I just have a feeling this isn't over yet. I'm trying not to be dwelling on things that I have no proof about, but I have a sneaking suspicion that not necessarily my ex but definitely his mother possibly other family members are going to want retribution seeing as how my ex is facing some major legal issues and financial problems. to be honest it doesn't make me happy at all. When I say I love somebody I love them I don't want to see them hurt I don't want to see them suffering. 😞 But I also know that actions have consequences and I can't speak to them right now and they probably don't need to speak to me and so even though there's things I could do to help I need my space and my son needs his space and we need our peace.

On a much lighter note, I'm really happy that I joined this group, this community. I did it in order to grow closer to somebody and what I've learned is that there's quite a few somebody's out there that I'm now pretty good friends with and that makes me smile. 😄 It definitely increases my gratitude. Just want to say that, .....with love. 💜💜

@Totalanimefan: do they have it in a hibiscus or even a peach type of white tea?

@Kozi: thank you. It is 4am here and I've yet to sleep. My anxiety is beginning to really get to me tonight. But I'm trying to chill. Today is my day off sorta. I have errands that I need to accomplish. Sigh. Thank you. I know I can do this. I can just still hear him yelling and glass shattering and I never know if he will show up or not. He came back once after being banned. Sigh.

@Totalanimefan: ive not had white tea. Maybe that will go on my list of things to do.

@Jolly: thank you. That is good advice. I am still working because my job is essential and so that gives me contact but I also am spending time with podcasts. I love Brene Brown and also the spirits podcast among many others. Cookies sound nice too. Thank you for the hugs and concern.

Today has been rough. But I am doing what needs to be done. Things are being accomplished. Aside from some strongly worded messages and advice as to what would and wouldn't be in my best interest I am content, healthy, and continuing to press forward.

@Totalanimefan: I love tea as well. Green tea or black. Ooh or a nice earl grey.

@Lucifera: very shocking. The ending isn't complete closure but it is an ending. :) every new beginning comes from some other new beginnings end

@Lucifera: you're such a sweetheart. I appreciate the sentiment. My kiddo and I are ok. So are our kitties.....we have 4. With or without quarantine and with or without a bf life must go on. I am practicing having a more grateful attitude. Counting my blessings. And realizing that during all this, my son could have been seriously hurt. So there's always a silver lining. And just for the record, I was not a total pacifist and there came a point after things escalated that I did stand my ground but for me it still doesn't seem right. Like, how can you say you love someone and then hurt them? Anyways I'm off to bed. The fumes from the fabuloso and bleach are giving me a buzz jk

@Lucifera: he went to the hospital. He busted out our living room window and required stitches. From what I could see without getting too close I'd estimate around 7 or 8.

My injuries....they were there but not nearly as severe. I have only posted this thread and one where he was heedless in thought and action and wanted to go and see friends and family in spite of the quarantine. That is pretty much what led into this issue. His disregard for any and everything but himself.

I get that this is not ideal. We are by nature social creatures. However we have the ability to choose our actions and which thoughts we allow to manifest. Where the mind goes the man follows. Sadly, some cannot put their mind out and away from themselves and see a larger societal and worldly picture.

@Jolly: thank you greatly. Sadly, I have been in a similar position before. It was much worse then however I didn't have a kiddo. It finally has sunk in that I am back to being alone. My son is asleep. I have no more glass to sweep up. No more areas requiring careful attention to cleanliness from the physical mess and the slashes of red which dotted the ground. My window has been meh somewhat patched at least for now. And I've run out of steam to clean. So I am sitting here. Wondering if he is ok. Wondering how he will deal with this all. And then it flashes....i am alone again.

Alone hasn't ever really been an issue for me. But the sudden realization of its presence hit hard. I've not needed to cry. I will grieve the loss of a relationship. Maybe down the road there can be a friendship. Time will tell. But I am able to make it through because I have to. I have my son. My animals. And myself that needs me. And I'd rather be lonely alone than lonely with someone. I had a friend come help me. She stayed 6 to 8 ft away but helped. We didn't hug or anything. I cannot raise someone's risk of infection just because someone else cannot resolve and deal with their anger in a healthier way. That hurt the most. But overall, I am holding it together. I am sure I'll have a mini breakdown at some point but for tonight I'm just grateful and that feels good.

@Lucifera: very nice perspective. We need to make sure to surround ourselves with people who lift us up and support us and challenge us to do better. If your circle begins to be a liability or full of uneven friendships then an overhaul is quite healthy in my opinion.