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Moody Says. . .

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@Wildfire: Ooo nice.
I've only been kayaking once when i was a kid
but i hated everything about it lol
Moody Says. . .

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@Wildfire: it was okay.
I didn't really do anything but paint a tiny bit and then quit lol.
mostly since i forgot how i paint skin...again since i don't do it often.

But it's been a decent day.
how about you?
Moody Says. . .

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@Wildfire: that is good to hear.
im doing about the same.
Posted in Session Change Posted 3 years ago
Moody Says. . .

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im very happy with the season time change.
i can actually get up at least an hour earlier.
hoping i can slowly adjust my terrible schedule so i am up before noon at the very least.
Moody Says. . .

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@icedchai: i wish warm weather would go away for a while lol.
We're supposed to have a warm November.
which means i'll feel awful in december lol.

I hope it at least will snow.
Moody Says. . .

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@icedchai: Lol i feel that. it does not feel like tuesday for me at all.
Moody Says. . .

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@icedchai: Thank you, I appreciate it.
I don't really do as much art as i did a few months back.
Moody Says. . .

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@Wildfire: im okay, just working on painting slowly due to laggy laptop lol.
how are you?

@icedchai: im alright, just trying to be active on here.
how are you?
Moody Says. . .

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hello everyone, good afternoon
Posted in Always doing something wrong Posted 3 years ago
Moody Says. . .

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@Kory: Yeah, it's way too soon to just...be functioning normally i totally agree. Unfortunately my dad and sister are the type who canot sit still
and think they should be doing something. Like the cleaning for example. We haven't done much of it for a few months and
everyday it's listing what we should be doing, no matter how many times I've said that we'll get to it when we can.

It feels like talking to a wall sometimes. I say things, but no one truly takes me seriously. I'm 26 and no one just..listens to me or hears me. But everyone can listen to my sister. So I guess when i voice things it's taken less seriously.

I can't really afford any therapist. And live with a parent who doesn't fully grasp mental illnesses. Like he knows they exist, just doesn't truly understand therapy works and just relies on the bible and it's teachings. Which makes it even harder to even speak up about issues. Even when some people in his congregation have these issues. Feels like he believes them over me.
I would love to have a therapist or even a counselor but since I also live in poverty, it's not super accessible to me or even doing it over zoom because I have a barely functioning laptop.

But hopefully if I voice my concerns it'll help. But i think the hardest issue with adhd, is even getting people to take me seriously at all. In my family, mostly my relatives if you don't have a doctor's note or diagnosis, i don't have certain illnesses. My sister so far is the only one who listens to me, but when i have told her to not do certain things, like leave me to do dinner all by myself, she still has done it. And it's hard to explain things as nicely as possible when i'm just..not being taken seriously and I am still even learning what affects my ADHD too.

I thought getting a support animal might help me. But our land lady is...not a nice person. so I don't think that can happen until we move out.
Posted in Always doing something wrong Posted 3 years ago
Moody Says. . .

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This will probably be a somewhat small rant, as I just..don't have anyone to talk to about all the issues
im always having trouble with/don't want to dump on my only friend since this is not her responsibility
and i hate doing that.

It always feels like I'm constantly doing something wrong. Even tho it's out of my control.
I struggle a lot with my sleep schedule. Especially since it's very much connected with my ADHD, as well as often times
i can't get up early enough since I am severely depressed. Especially since in September i lost my mother and i just....lost control of what schedule i had left.

And everyone is just...always so mad at me for not getting up early, not doing this, not doing that.
Time and Time again I've explained how hard it is for me, especially being Neurodivergent. I do not live in a household that is accustom for me as someone with ADHD. I always have to mask my symptoms just so i can get basic chores done or even feed myself without depending on anyone.

And while just doing what i need to get done, i'm also trying to do what i can to practice my art, get better at it and help bring money in so my dad won't have to work himself to death as he's in his 60's and now the only parent I have and am dependent on him to just survive.

But it just seems...like no one cares and i constantly have to drain myself of burn out to just be "normal" so people won't have to deal with me.
No one listens to what i need to be accommodated with just so i can stay on task.
Just really frustrated that i get blamed for having a bad schedule, when i have been trying for months and months and made no progress
and people just...think i'm not trying hard enough. I just want to give up on everything.

and i know to just "schedule" things. but it's unfortunately not as simple as making a schedule to sticking to it.
I am unable to stick to a routine even tho i know my body needs some sort of routine
and when people constantly hound me everyday to fix my schedule it just...frustrates me when i have told about my adhd, and how it affects things. but im still treated like i can do things without issue which isn't true. I'm just so tired.
Posted in Shows You're Watching? Posted 3 years ago
Moody Says. . .

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I haven't watched too many shows but, I am planning to watch soon since I'm on a K-drama Kick,
Dali and The Cocky Prince and Yumi's Cells
Moody Says. . .

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@squishy sloth: that's a lot. i'd think too much for it to even remotely be a rumor.
I don't really know much about if these allegations ever being proven wrong or not.
i usually just cut ties just because 97 is way too many.

i don't often listen to bands at least from the U.S.
as most groups i listen to are within K-pop.
but i would not feel good listening to someone's music, especially if there is a high chance they did something very wrong
and many times. meaning they never learned there lesson and probably won't.
Moody Says. . .

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tbh whenever things like this happen, i try not to jump to conclusions until
actual proof is released or shown and not just speculation or rumors
as rumors can be false or fabricated with ill intentions.