Jolly's posts

Unrelated but ouch
an expected $1500 oil leak fix in my car quickly turned into $2500 fixes covering several other things too.
Evidently all the potholes in the neighborhood exit (that the city refuses to fix when they've redone EVERY OTHER road in the whole area) finally near destroyed my transmission plates. :vanora_stunned:

@glume:
Aww congratulations in advance! I hope that goes well, even if you end up having to deal with Denver a bit.
I actually just heard from a friend of mine in Loveland saying that they've got flash mobs going on there the same as here. So it definitely isn't just Greeley being harassed lol I hope your friends stay safe from it too. Especially with an unborn child in tow!

@macsen191:
See, if they could all protest like that, sure traffic would suck but at least they aren't harming anyone in the process.
I did have protesters swarm my neighborhood one day doing that, and I can only hope they didn't go block a road or do anything rude to anyone. My mother heard the noise they made and thought it really was some sort of spring parade or something lmao


Maybe we should make a gathering for a wholesome parade, holding up positive signs and instead of honking, some passenger can hold up a stereo playing ice cream music or something happy sounding lol

@glume:
Haha yup! Up in greeley. So far, every sunday my job has had to call on these harassments in the parking lot, according to my HR manager.
Definitely stay inside as much as you can, and stay safe <3 I don't know how Denver is handling things overall, but I'm happy if you're feeling its safer there. Greeley has always had this weird rep anyway.

@priestess of pie:
I assume people think that if they make a big enough uproar, then the government will be like "oh, ok sorry, have your life back"
But it.. doesn't work that way. Life cannot simply return to what it was at the snap of fingers. For those affected by this virus, it may never be the same. I already know people who have lost loved ones to it. My hair stylist lost her father about two weeks ago from covid.
Oh but people like my parents will also scrunch their noses at that and say "it wasn't covid, they're just labeling any death a covid death to scare us"


Its okay to believe in conspiracies. But it's never okay to be inconsiderate of others, and definitely not to threaten or harm them.

@glume:
Yeah I'm about an hour and a half from Denver. Ever since that protest popped up there, the one with the health workers in a standoff with a bunch of cars, I feel like it inspired people up here to go absolutely batshit. Maybe this is just coming from the retail perspective (I tend to be exposed to the worst of people on a good day). But its like people start to pick sides from that story and go all out lol

When I first saw the protests, I knew the media was only going to highlight the most ridiculous signs out there. The ones about their haircuts and holocaust nonsense. I figured "there's probably PLENTY of reasonable protest arguments in the crowd that we don't see". Cause of course, I can empathize with the frustrations, even if I don't agree.
But... but the ridiculous ones are what I hear the most in person. And they're so aggressive, like the harassments I mentioned. Things are opening up again finally, all we have to do is wear a mask and we'll have all that freedom that we did before. But people are just getting more violent it seems. A mask is too much to ask lol

The media is inspiring my city too much, in all the wrong ways. From the "protests" (aka trump rallies) rolling through neighborhoods acting like a katamari to pick up their recruits and go block a road somewhere, like they did in Denver. And now it seems we have a pattern of people gathering in parking lots to harass, threaten and throw things at people walking to and from their cars.
Last night was another case of that, which I think makes it 10x worse being that it was already dark outside. They're just terrifying people! I don't know if they're trying to scare people to go home, or fussed about them wearing masks, or not wearing masks. It doesn't matter, we shouldn't be having to call non-emergencies at my job every week over this. :/

I already had a personal run in with crazy people a couple of weeks ago as well. I think it was actually a day or two after my break up also, so I was already having such a hard time. Then I'm walking across my job's parking lot at like 10:30pm, trying to get to the doors which I knew were locked and I had to walkie someone to let me in. Its dark, I'm alone, I'm frustrated and I had these 3 cars swarming around me, blocking me in 3 directions and shouting at me but I couldn't understand what they were saying over their engines roaring. It scared the shit out of me. They of course dispersed when I lifted my phone to dial for help, so the moment didn't last long and I got inside safely.

In what world is this okay? I don't care what you believe in about this virus, and frankly getting sick of all the "passionate" opinions on it as if raging is going to fix anything. But there is literally no reason to act this way. Pointing blame at everyone around you, taking out frustrations, and using "my precious freedom" as an excuse, as if that justifies these actions at all? It is APPALLING to see just how many people are involved in these hateful actions.

And that poor man on the news, I can't remember from which state, who ended up shot down over asking his customer to wear a mask. From what I heard of it, the customer went home first. Then their husband and son literally went out of their way to come back, hunt down this worker and kill him. OVER A PIECE OF CLOTH?
This man did not lock down our country. Neither did I, neither did my customers, or anyone else who's been harassed about all of this.

People like these just need to shut off all their devices and go stare at the sun for a bit.

i can't afford therapy.
costs more than my pay check right now.

no tl;dr cause nothing is important

erasing this cause it isn't important
I was just tired and venting

Thank you everyone.
I really cant take this. The more I understand now, and know that it was more than just our plans that scared him.
He just wants to take 10 steps back and live a pampered, child life with no responsibilities. His immaturity and selfishness got away. Instead of facing it, he felt it easier to place the blame on me.

This doesn't even sound like the person I've been living with all this time.
But its very much him who is speaking. Its real and its so hard to feel like I wont wake up soon and see him snoozing next to me. Like this never even happened cause there's no way my partner would've walked out on me so abruptly.

There's so much that wasn't communicated that he was going through. Usually I can see this with shifts in moods, demeanors or whatever. But he was totally silent, laughed and loved and as if nothing was wrong at all. This seems like such an impulse and I wonder how much he'll regret this, or if he really has demonized me to a point where he can walk away in full stride like this. So fast.

I cant do this, I cant

For this to happen during a plague too
I cant just... go somewhere. I cant just keep busy and ignore the memories.
Even when I try to think about the bad to shift my perspective, there just... wasn't any bad in this one for me.
I was thoroughly happy with my relationship.

You're probably right. mind over matter probably wont serve me well this week, though.

All of your inputs are really helpful, and you're all right.
I am the only one hesitant in this change but he has 200% accepted it already.
There is no reversing this, its really really done.

I know it was final before I posted any of this but part of me kept feeling it wasn't real. I even had a ring on my finger, a promise to make that final, there's no way this could've happened.
Even my manager couldn't believe it when I called to explain I wont be coming in tonight. But I think the reason it feels so unexpected to me is because I didn't want to see this as a possibility. Reflected my own positive emotions for this person and assumed it was all the same in return.
He wasn't insincere just... probably didn't know it either.

I need to let go but aaaaaaaaaaahfgkjsgh
I need to pack his things and rearrange my room so I can see clearly again, that's what I always do to start anew.
But my health is even so poor lately I can hardly stay on my feet for more than an hour without getting dizzy or light headed.
I have to actively remind myself that THAT IS WHY I cannot give in no matter what, I must achieve my goals even if my bird is my only companion the whole way there.

@totalanimefan:
Thanks for talking to me about it.
I'm otherwise just sitting here too scared to even drive anywhere or pack up his stuff.
I'm usually so productive when things go wrong so I don't spiral, but its so different this time around.

He immediately erased me from his facebook too, which if someone could even think about something as petty as that this quickly, I think it kind of says something about how mutual this really was. All this time maybe he didn't even realize I wasn't the right one for him. I wouldn't say he was insincere but just.. maybe it wasn't as strong for him as it was for me.