Jolly's posts

I do not miss my bakery days. Mine were 9 hour shifts where no one could call out because it waS ONLY ME ANYWAYS. DYING.
Never again :vanora_cry:
This was a walmart bakery at a high traffic location ksdfksd

@bonnie:
Yayy I'm glad this could cheer you <33
I really wanted to start this year with good vibes and its doing a dang good job of it ;v;
I'm so excited I cant sleeeeeeeep

@vengeance:
ooo I like the one with the skirt. No way could I pull it off with my clumsy short legs, but its cute xD
Thanks for the images! the examples help

@nephila:
@ruby:
THANK YOU <3 I'm so happy, it almost seems too good to be true tbh ;;
Although I do sell all my holidays since its mandatory that I work on them, I still think the pros heavily outweigh cons

@vengeance:
Ooh, are jeans with a button-up blouse too casual?
I seem to struggle with finding that midlde ground, since to me all in that picture are "business" xD
I thought business casual was like... comfy but look good idk

I might need to make a run to the store for trousers lmao

@totalanimefan:
I hope so too! The people I've met there I feel like I've gotten to know pretty well during my visits and we each clicked in some way. Haven't had that in a LONG time where I live (but they're all not from here either).
I have high hopes that this could be the break that I needed, to get into a potential career that can actually allow me to live independently again ;v;

I also need benefits so baddddd, way overdue for teeth cleaning/checkups and my esophagus and thyroid has needed looked at for years. They said the benefits kick in within 90 days

Now I need to learn what business casual actually means 8D
I keep looking at clothing and my partner is like "nope thats a flannel" fdhgjsd

Things haven't been going too well with trying to pursue massage therapy. For many reasons, but I'll keep this short :D
I wanted to get a second job to help support myself finanically since massage wasn't cutting it--I've been making more off my artwork and that's not saying a whole lot!

I applied to like, 10 places and everything kept telling me no. I was expecting I'd end up with something small and low paying that sucks and stresses me out. But I ended up getting insanely lucky with a manager trainee position very close by. Full time, great benefits and PTO, living wage to START and with room for growth and promotion <33

At first it was weird cause the application never sent to them, Glassdoor had the locations messed up and sent it to another city. But they had me bypass that and just come in and fill a paper one out. I prefer this, because then I could see the place myself and meet the people, and they were very fun to chat with and very very happy to be working there.
This was new years eve, so then they asked if I could come back the next day for an interview. So I did, and it was a formal one where the interviewer was writing everything I said onto a document. At the very end of the interview, the computer CRASHED AND WE LOST ALL THAT WRITING! It was so awkward, and I offered to write up something for him but he was like nah, I'll just use memory.
So we ended it, said bye, and I left.
BUT before I could get in my car I hear my name called out. He and the others immediately decided they wanted me for a second interview, so he was RUNNING ACROSS THE LOT to catch me and asked if I could come back same day. They were timing it all quickly because the executive manager was only in town until tomorrow, so they wanted to get all interviews done. But he said so many nice things, like how they have very good candidates but they really like me so far.
So I come back 1 1/2 hour later after eating lunch and I have another interview, with the executive manager. Very fun, I clicked with him too, and he said he'd contact me by tuesday but first he had to go through some more interviews this weekend. K cool, I go home, full of anx anticipation for tuesday.
BUT THEY CALL ME THE NEXT DAY ANYWAYS, skipping time again lol

I start tomorrow
what a great way to start this year. My finances were getting so low, if it wasn't for my art clients, I wouldn't even afford food. I did get two new orders on new years also, and half of that I wanted to donate to a cause (ended up donating to a client's mutual friend for a house fire situation). I feel so so glad that I did cause little did I know that before long, that is something I definitely could afford <3

@Totalanimefan:
Thats good <3 its really really nice having a safe space like this. It has helped me so much this year ;v;

@Totalanimefan:
of course <3 there's a reason i feel safe to vent on here or ask for advice ;;

also thanks for commenting
the advice really did help

Yeah, well at least he isn't blaming me for anything. he's being more reasonable than that, but also there's other things just stirring it up and he has a habit of self destructing in the past.

I got him to come to after a while. It took a lot of hard effort and pain, but we spent the day taking it easy and talking about it just a little at a time. Until we could find some roots of the issue. Depression is a big one, but also in some events that make a lot of sense. Things his family said recently, things ive said in the past that were misunderstood.

Im so relieved when he had a big sigh and I felt a lot of weight fall off of him. This was so dang hard to deal with :vanora_cry:
We've been able to reevaluate things and communicate clearly again

I also feel very strange to put my foot down to someone and say I refuse to leave. I say it more gently than that, but still firm enough that he knows I wont allow a decision to be made right now. Its KILLING me so much inside to have this relationship be up in the air. I value it way too much, but I also mean to keep the promise he made me make when he was breaking down in my arms the other night.

I feel firm that this has been a great and healthy relationship, and that if I choose the right method to sooth him, perhaps I can convince this to work. He's under 25 so his mind is still growing and maturing. He's already far beyond his years in maturity, so I shouldn't be surprised that he still has these young insecurities. I just really hope it doesn't tear us apart and end things. Thats just.. way too sad

I kept telling him that its OK to be insecure and its OK to waver sometimes. I keep telling him that no matter what I'll never get in the way of his dreams for his career, and he tells me I haven't. He says I've done nothing wrong and that he is happy with me and loves me, but he's not ready for this. Idk how to sooth him this time. The other day it almost killed me.

I feel like its my fault for bringing it up again, especially when we both just woke up. He's at work right now and I'm just praying that his time alone for a few hours might help him come back to what he insisted was his truth-- that he felt happier and healthier with me here. When he begged me not to let him do this again.

I know 4 months isn't that long and these feel like they might just be growing pains of trying to figure out how our life goals will line up. He's scared because the future is blurry for him now, even though our goals have been parallel all this time. I'm scared that he's going to successfully push me away soon and I dont know how to cope

*update
things have been resolved, I couldn't be more relieved.
It seemed like something happened twice but after enough communication, I understand that he didn't get better after the first episode and he was trying to bottle it and force himself to act normal. But now we've cleared some of his fears and acknowledged any that might remain or resurface in the future, when life gets complicated. I'm happy that I could see all that weight drop off of him and his confidence coming back. Holiday season and seasonal depression is just too much for him right now, so after christmas he'll probably feel more relaxed again. ;v;

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