Jolly's posts

@koneko:
Thank you. I'm much less concerned with whether to keep this person in my life or not, I don't have any grand attachment to him. He just opened a can of worms that will now take me a stupid amount of time to shut again.

It dug up an old depressive subject that really sent me into a horrible place a couple of years ago. Just a feeling of being broken, an affirmation that I cannot function like a normal person. I'm too negative of a person because I'm too jaded. Had so many emotional trauma cause I'm too mental to have normal experiences and associations. Too broken and too pitiful and "need help" (but I can't afford it, so its mildly annoying when people push therapy on me as if I've never thought about it before) and the only people who ever get close to me want to take advantage of me or control me like a pet in some way, cause they can see whatever is "wrong" with me.
I shoved all these self-damaging thoughts into oblivion before but now they're back and I know they're all wrong but its so hard to get rid of this feeling.

I felt his intentions were to be enlightening, based on the context and tone of his voice. But then I start to second guess myself, do I actually KNOW the context?
I always struggle to connect with people and context is often lost, I often have misunderstandings, or people don't get what I say or vice versa
This dude singlehandedly tossed me into the biggest existential crisis tonight

@kitalpha hart:
im not sure how obvious i was being. the more time passes and i calm a bit, i wonder if he was reflecting himself onto me?
he started psychoanalyzing me briefly, talking about how i seem to struggle with hearing someone's context. which is something i already wonder about myself, so it's hard to say no. but also... dont.. say these things

*edit: You guys are awesome <33 thanks for helping me through this little episode!


I started chatting with this guy recently on a personal level. I think hes started to like me by what he says, and for a while seemed like we connected pretty well. But we'd always naturally get onto these deep conversations about life and junk.

But we got on a voice call tonight and he started to bluntly ask me if I'm okay, as if something's wrong. Kind of took me off guard.
He said that I've been saying all these negative things, the stories we get on about and stuff. Like I start reflecting and I thought the conversations were mutual, I never felt like I was sounding serious. I felt unconfortable with this question, and I can't figure out if its because he's right, or if I should get away from this person because he's going to make me think hes right. Like just because things happen in our past doesn't mean we're not currently okay? I don't tell stories of my experiences with the desire for sympathy or pity.. most of the time I felt I was answering questions.

He talked about how he studied psychology too. We were talking about other things for a while but we got into adhd and light conversation. Then I mentioned in a tangent that my family thinks I have mild asperger's, but no one else sees that in me. He said he sees it, and explained to me in what ways.
And once again, I can't tell if I'm uncomfortable because he might be right and I gotta reevaluate my life and behaviors or because he might be presumptuous.

Either way, my anxiety has flaired up so much and I'm overthinking and feeling so insecure. At this point in the call, I kept trying to return to light hearted conversations and talking about silly things. But he would stop responding, I thought he disconnected. Figured he was tired, it's late, but it ended so rapidly it made me wonder if I said something wrong.
Maybe it was a bad idea to think about making a new connection like this. Like am I too broken and depressing and I really can't help it, I should give up dealing with other people cause I can't be normal like them

Maybe I'm just tired. I needed to vent though, I get so so insecure about my personality.

@kitalpha hart:
honestly, I dont think I have had a single homework handout or a single test in this entire course that actually matched the current textbooks lol
this one is just the worst because it is specifically meant to quote the chapter

I'm just here to vent because DAFUQ IS THIS HOMEWORK I HAVE
for my Neuromuscular therapy class. We don't go over much bookwork stuff. Like, my instructor might spend an hour breaking down a chapter that we read for homework and its all just vague information. Mostly we're focused on the hands-on stuff. Actually massaging each other and doing stretch techniques and junk.

Then we get this 3 page packet to do for homework, due tomorrow.
I've spent 4 hours so far and I. cant. do. it.
I have never felt so uselessly confused. I mean, I've had some pretty shittily written tests, had to get tutoring because some were just so bad, and my instructor ended up eliminating questions because they weren't right. Incorrect answers or mistyped questions that cause us all grief on a normal basis.

BUT NONE MATCH THE HORRIBLY WRITTEN PACKET THAT IS THIS ONE. for me at least.

Its so friggin vague I don't even know what some of the questions are asking. They're written in a manner like they're quoting the book (and it DOES say which chapter, to narrow it down), but only maybe...2 of them so far actually had the quote in the book. The others don't match up, but they wont even be proper questions like this one I've stopped on
"The __ __ muscles are called __ __"
what
the chapter doesn't, at any point, mention a set of muscles that are called something. In the region of the body that the chapter is about, THERE IS NOTHING that I currently know of, that some set or category of muscles are called a two-worded THING.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, PAPER? USE YOUR WORDS

Then some seem redundant and repeat each other, but in more obnoxious wording. Like there's 3 separate questions that are coherent enough in asking "what are the deepest neck muscles?" phew, I understand what it wants. "what are the most superficial head stabilizers?" weirdly worded, but yes, I can figure this one out. "What are the intermediate head stabilizers?" Got it.
I answered these.
Then its like
"Most superficial are? The intermediate are? The deepest are? What are their movements?"

OK FIRST OF ALL
there ain't enough space to write answers to the last bit, cause each category has a few muscles or more, and many of these have multiple movement/actions. So what the fuck, give me essay space bish D<

SECONDLY WHY ARE YOU ASKING ABOUT MUSCLES LIKE AN IMPATIENT CHILD?? COMPLETE YOUR SENTENCES, WE'RE IN COLLEGE D<<<
And I already answered these questionssss why is it like this


I am learning ZILCH


*update
HAHAHAHAHH it was written for the previous version of this textbook, no wonder some of these questions are barely answerable
waiting until further decisions from instructor
I can finally rest

@totalanimefan:
thanks, and same! We'll see what happens xd

@totalanimefan:
its getting worse where I live. the violence and crimes are also increasing a lot, it's kind of getting scary sometimes since a lot of it seems to focus on my job's strip/parking lot lol

@totalanimefan:
not my problem xD
of course Im only really complaining about the excess or rude people

Thank you guys!! <3

@0v7:
Yayyy then it was worth making! :D

@totalanimefan:
TOO MANY people talk to me during this crisis. I hate it. D<
why did I have to still work in retail

@kda drew:
If you're unsure on their quality, also note if you receive a poor quality print you can let teepublic know (with photos) and they'll allow you to get something else! They've done that for me. Usually its the fault of the file that the artist uploaded being too small or something.
Made sure to make mine big af so there shouldn't be any issue :vanora_icon: So far everything I've had printed from them came out great, so I trust them!

@totalanimefan:
Thank you!! I'll update when I get mine in the mail :D I'm excited! Teepublic's masks are super soft and breathable for me~

I've been wearing a couple ff7 masks I got off of teepublic already but its kind of getting weird. People either don't recognize the game and ask a million questions about it, or they'll get weirdly obsessive and stare very closely at me for uncomfortable amounts of time. One took a photo (thankfully let me take it off so my face isn't in there) and I was finally like, I NEED TO CHANGE MY MASKS.
Maybe people will chill if I wear this design, since it isn't a fandom thing :vanora_xd:

For those who helped me with the design ideas,
here's what I came up with!

instead of roses, I ended up making a blue columbine flower for my coworker! Its a natural flower in colorado anyways, so it also represents where I'm living rn :vanora_smile:
what you think?

https://www.teepublic.com/mask/12599041-blue-columbine

I'm gonna order one to see how the colors print >v>
teepublic is usually very good with their print quality, but this is a darker design than what I typically do


*edit
I forgot to make a pastel version! I'll try to remember to make one later x)

tuesday night was sports massage class.
At the end, we students partnered up and had to make up a sport scenario that we'd pretend we have to go do a tournament for soon. So we're put on a 20 minute timer to give an invigorating sports massage.
"Get creative, have fun with it"

We're all so conditioned to do slowwww paced, relaxation or rehabilitation massages that this was quite jarring.

well wednesday my instructor was like
"last night was so much fun to watch you guys. I felt like, for the first time probably, I got to see you guys for who you really are"

Which is nice, everyone laughed a lot and had fun with the challenge
but I
I screeched in panic through most of it

is that me? is that my true color? :vanora_xd: lmao

@q t e a p o n:
I'm on team sugar ;v;
and its okay if you dont make many! its a hard event to keep up with sometimes