Jolly's posts

I spent much of yesterday painting these guys
They were something super cheap from hobby lobby, little wooden things.


I DEFINITELY need to get myself a new set of brushes, it was a mad struggle trying to make these look clean with 20+ year old paint brushes that are fraying. My mother bought me a little wooden nutcracker to paint as well, just for the fun of it, so new brushes might have to come along on my next paycheck XD

@totalanimefan:
Oh sweet~
I didn't realize you made a thread before posting mine xD

@koneko:
Thats a really good way to look at it, actually. And all good things to be grateful for <3

Its hard getting into the spirit of thanksgiving this year. The past tenday has been almost harder on me than this year as a whole. Plentiful chaos.
But I can be very grateful that this holiday has halted all of that and I have a day where I'm not required to do anything but relax, have a delicious green tea latte and focus on the good around me.

I have a few people to be grateful for this year overall, and this site is definitely included. You guys are always here for me and each other when the year gets rough and that's amazing.

But I seriously cannot get over how amazing my partner has been. When things get rough again and I'm falling apart, he can pull me out of it faster than anyone has. We've been together for almost 4 months now but he still blows my mind, I've never been with a person like this before.
I worried a lot when he took me in recently, when my family troubles got to be too much, and I thought it was too soon for us to live together. Especially when this home is very small, its a student apartment (and yes I'm not supposed to even be visiting here, let alone live here, but they dont monitor anything. not like a dorm), so there's not much ability to spread out. But he gets so giddy about having me around and we have a lot of fun, his room mates are very kind to me and also are very supportive people.

I get a lot of grief from family and jobs, but I always have a safe space to be in, that is now a place I call home.
I could not be more happy about that and I appreciate these people being in my life so much. As well as a healthy partnership that feels so easy to be in, and soooo grounding.


tldr; tell me what you're grateful for! This year is really rough for many or most of us, but maybe taking this holiday to stop and think about what HASN'T gone wrong can be healthy for the brain <3



*edit
I ALSO WANNA ADD
I want to start an art shop on here very soon. I need to start rolling in some orbs.
So if you want to be on a ping list for that lemme know!

apparently vampire cupping is a thing

:vanora_xd:
dont think I'd ever be willing to do this type of cupping! I like my gentle silicone cups that I can slide around and massage with

@Kitalpha Hart:
Yes, I'm stupidly excited! Eager to go to more work there, I wish I could get slammed with shifts already lmao

@milkshake:
I dont think it could "ruin" the skin (considering we dont leave them on for long) but I definitely need to do more research on the adverse effects. I only really know the health contraindications and the benefits to deeper tissues and circulation.

That sucks though, I had some mean people at my school as well. But overall it was still enjoyable since it was more about massaging anyways. Once I stopped having to rely on students and could just massage clients instead, I was pretty excited

Day 1 of new job! I'm getting paid to learn more modalities of massage/manual therapy that I've been wanting to learn anyways.
We were using silicon cups so there's no heat and glass, but just a simple concept of pinching the cup to create suction. It can still leave bruising but we dont park them for long, so no one ended up with any of those crazy looking dark circles on their backs lol Our method is quite discrete while still being effective. I had it done on me for the first time too and it basically sucked my menstrual cramps through a straw and out my body xD
I loved it.
I want to study it more in depth in the future but I get to practice these ones on the other therapists until I'm confident in using it on public clients.

Also got to learn new methods of hot stone massage which has been my favorite modality from school. It helps my client while also healing my hands too, so a hella win/win!

In all, my first day was pretty friggin awesome :D
I'm only worried about forgetting where everything goes or forgetting what to restock for products we use in the rooms, or where those come from.
And not getting lost in the twisty hallways..

My partner told me I can live with him for a few months until we can establish another plan (we already had planned to move together mid next year when his lease ends here).
Its iffy cause he lives in a student apartment where visitors aren't even allowed at all cause of covid, let alone someone moving in like this. But they don't really monitor people or the rooms so I only have to hide when IT comes in to fix their wifi.

I'll have to go minimalist to fit without making his space smaller. But he keeps telling me to bring my whole computer setup, so I can keep drawing. which it is big, and he's just like "take my desk"
like dude you're gonna get so sick of me if you sacrifice your small space lol

I seriously appreciate this person though
I was completely at my witts end last night, just to the point I felt seriously crazy, my head went to such a chaotic place. But he rationalized it so much and made me feel so normal, and he gives me such a safe place to be. mentally and physically.


when his lease ends in june, we already had plans to get a proper apartment together. by then I'll have my money in order with this new job

@Kitalpha Hart:
Yeah, I definitely need another long break from them at the very least. Its hard cutting people off sometimes, I think the desire to have a family at all kind of stops me from doing that. But I'll be happy enough just to find a home so I won't have to deal with them anymore. Then I'll only see them for major holidays, until I leave this state. Then I'll just keep distancing.

It'll hurt a lot either way. It's really kind of strange how attached I am to people who consistently treat me like garbage and do painful things like this.

I have a long spam of texts from my mom and sister.
Not even concerned, just a bunch of projection and self-victimizing.
The closest thing to giving a shit was a sorry for the panic attack "but you should have just listened".
For how long am I supposed to listen to someone screaming at me like that? Being blamed like I'm the only one who yelled, when I've only yelled at the end of the whole thing when I started coughing after cause I yelled too hard. My voice literally cannot handle yelling, my throat and lungs like physically cease up and I choke, cough or gag. So anytime someone is having a loud go at me, I just listen until its nonsensical and then I leave. If I speak its in a normal voice cause nothing else feels good to do, so why bother? I'm not a shouty person.

They say I'm the reason we can't live peacefully. I just--I don't even speak! I just draw, sleep, game or I'm not home for days cause of work/school or out with my partner.

They're always caiming they're "scared" of me every time I get hurt by things like this. One will hear the other say this and then they;ll start using it against me too, because they all know it hits me really hard to hear that. I'm fragile as fuck, but not in an anger sort of way. I just cry and frown. I dont speak much cause I'm too friggin scared to. But I also dont want to push them away fully, so when good things happen I'll try to talk to them about that cause like, positivity and shit.
Being told I'm scary and I'm monstrous my whole life really screws with my brain and self image. Brings me to a really dark place. One person plucked me out of that mindset in the past. Someone who was around all of this for 3 years and they ended up so angry about it, but they;d always reassure me that I'm not doing what they say I'm doing, that they're projecting themselves and confusing me too much. But GOD its so hard to maintain my psyche with this family. Like a consistent mind fuck.

I know I really need therapy for my upbringing, I'm still on my journey to even being able to afford that. One day, one day
Until then I just vent online like this and feel silly after

@Glume:
Thank you so much. It helps a lot to hear some logic when my head gets too caught up in emotion. My family has consistently taught me to feel bad about myself and to feel like I'm wrong, sometimes it still confuses me a lot.
Then sometimes theyll act super sweet and it becomes even more confusing, and I start to forget that extreme moments happen like this, that this isn't the first time I couldn't go home over something stupid. Then sometimes it just seems easier to pretend it never happened and that my family life is fine.

Im frustrated because I had so many plans for at home tonight on my pc. I was already in the midst of drawing, and I think I lost said drawing when I hastily shut down my pc so I can leave. TT

But I ended up driving to my partner's work. He took a lunch break to come out and sit in my car with me. Hugged me the whole time and talked me through it, then gave me his keys to go to his apartment, instead of waiting until he got off. So now im just gonna hijack his spotify and fold his clothes.

sometimes when i think about if i ever became a mother, i worry about being like my parents were to me all these years and damaging the kids mind.
sometimes i worry instead that i won't, but that my own damaged mind will make me too whimpy, where id rather be strong to motivate and help kid with life.
then sometimes i almost want to mother, so i can prove that teaching someone with love is more effective and great than teaching them with fear.

my family always, always uses fear and pain tactics. they probably think they're teaching me a lesson right now, even as an adult.

soon, that job should start so soon
then in a couple months maybe i can get a cheap home. i hope i make enough money for this.

*update: I'm in a safe place and healing.
I'm gonna erase this main post just cause it has a lot of deep emotion that I dont want to immortalize in text. This thread served a purpose in a sense, this site can kinda be a safe place sometimes when I'm sitting alone irl and I super appreciate that <3

Its so good!
I think they're making a new diablo game too, I'm really excited to hear more about it O:

The minigames are only for off-season time, so they go on for most of the year! the server is pretty active year-round cause of it
https://discord.gg/artfight

They close minigames for Artfight month, then like a month after it ends is usually when they open them again and they'll change them up (draw the person above you always stays each year, people love it)

Yes! Diablo 3, a good ol classic xD

I had a couple OC commissions and I also tend to join in on exchange events on discord. Artfight has a server with minigames like draw the person above you. I was like a month late on mine cause life got chaotic |D
but all is done for now!