Jolly's posts

I can't speak for Cali or the other we're-on-fire states, but sweet jesus
An hour ago one of my coworkers looked up the current AQI and it said 270
Here's a chart to know what that means:


On my way home this morning, ash was raining again. Seems to be an every morning thing this month.
I drive home, leaves and ashes swirling around me under the red, "cloudy" smog sky.
I sit at my desk to draw on my tablet, until I hear the most eerie sounding wind whistling and tossing things around outside. I lean to peek out my window and then I start hearing an adult-sounding shriek in the distance. Uncertain where from, or what to do, I just cease all doings and sit like..


I am safe from fires, still. Just close enough that smoke and ash has been the weather for 2 months.
Im always hearing that the fires keep having explosions and just getting worse and worse though.. Last I checked I think the "closer" one is like 135k acres? probably more by now?

Its easy to feel like the world is ending when it looks like it does outside today.

@totalanimefan:
I cannot tell you how excited I was/am about this partner. We've been together about a month now, but when we FIRST started dating, I wanted to make the point to tell him I wont be staying in CO eventually and explain to him my dreams and goals. I may compromise with WHERE I go, but I will never again compromise NOT to go, yknow?
Before I could get that out, he started to tell ME that HE doesn't want to stay here, and of his 3 options, one was to go back to Wisconsin where he's from, or his "reach for the stars" dream (as he puts it) to go to this major fancy uni in NY for his doctorate, or Texas. I think he said something about Austin has a college (or a job, idr) that interests him a lot for his field. My focus fizzled out cause I got too excited lmao

He wont be joining me on this trip, since I'll be staying at my uncle's place whom I haven't seen since I was a kid. I felt it would be too awkward, but also my bf can't miss his classes right now. He'll join me for future travels when he gets breaks between semesters.

Also noting, I get a couple months off from my classes mid next year (just the way the schedule lines up for my specific classes)
so assuming I'm in a better financial spot next year, I can take vacation!

@totalanimefan:
Yeah it does suck for sure. But things happen for a reason. Maybe now isnt the right time cause the world is a little chaotic at the moment. So all these things fall into my lap to say "hey, wait a second"

I also started dating someone very recently and his dreams and goals line up very closely with mine. The timing for when he wants to leave Colorado would also be the same as mine. So at the end of my course, I'll start planning my move (and I'll have more savings by then since I'll definitely have a license sorted) and it'll be easier. Plus I might not be doing it all alone? lol

@totalanimefan:
Oh! The update on the Texas thing is I have to wait longer for it (I'm still visiting at the end of this month tho, very excited). There were a couple of financial and other setbacks. Especially the one where I can't even work there as a massage therapist until I have my license here for 6 months. But then I was offered a REALLY good deal from my school to take the advanced classes (basically become an official "expert" in the field-- possibly get paid more) for VERY cheap tuition. I couldn't say no, I wanted to take half of the classes anyways xD
So it'll take one more year.

In the meantime, I need a job that will pay me (and to keep massaging). My retail job is screwing the entire team over so much. I went from a decent pay check where I could save, to I almost can't afford to even eat this week. :vanora_stunned: Let alone fill my car with gas so I can go find my mom a bday present for tomorrow--which I also can't afford.

In any case, I do have suspicions that maybe she's wanting to wait until I'm licensed to even bother with the paperwork and she's just not the type to be responsive maybe? I hope that's all it is!
I'm not the type to spam someone's phone. But at the same time, if I'm not 100% certain and another job reaches out with clearer terms, I can't promise to stick with her.

I am a mess of anxiety right now.
STORY TIME for context

Sunday night while I was at my retail job, thinking about how much I am sick of my retail job, and how annoying its been after I graduated my college and sent off my application to take the state exam so I can legally work as a massage therapist, but they didn't even start processing the application until a month later--end of last week.
WELL
I got a text message from someone saying that they found my resume that I had uploaded on one of them job sites. She was like, hey I went to the same school as you in the past, and I want to hire you on my team! She had some positions in mind, considering I'm only certified and can't work as a therapist yet.
Of course I'm like sure, I'd love to interview.
She asked if I can do it the very next day, in the early afternoon.

I joined my interview, was greeted very warmly by this lady. She's very lovely, sounded very excited. We did bond over our shared experiences and having the same mentors.
But the interview was pretty unprofessional, even if it was friendly. I couldn't ask most of my questions because she would never pause for me to get a word in. I had to kinda cut her off a couple of times to at least ask what the wages are and such, but there's still so much more I need to know.

She had two positions that could keep me busy until I can take my state exam, one of them is a receptionist position, the other one I'm not sure how legal it is. It sounded like something that she might pay me under the table for (I DID make it clear I'm not licensed), but it was to massage the team that she has. I want more information on that but, again, I couldn't ask questions cause it was hard to speak. She also offered paid training in modalities that are practiced there, which is amazing to me. But that bit is definitely for after I'm licensed so I don't get slapped in the face by COMTA.

She didn't ask me any questions beyond scheduling.

She introduced me to a lady who would train me for receptionist, something I can do to get out of retail and start learning the business I'll be working in (this being by my choice and agreement). That lady very plainly did not want to.
It was awkward, but I felt that she had good reason and it wasn't personal or against me. It was just... One person was saying "you can do both!" and the other was like "you can't do both cause I said so"
Despite what I was agreeing to do, she probably didn't think I would be truthful in working a receptionist position on the side of doing massage after I'm licensed. She didn't want to train me for 4 weeks for me to turn around on her. PEOPLE IN CO ARE FLAKY, I GET HER LOGIC.
So that's alright, in the end we all agreed to hold off on that.

That encounter was brief, and then the interviewer lady brought me to the front, introduced me to everyone saying that I'll be joining the place. Confirmed I was hired, said she was very excited to start working with me and gave me a hug before I left. That last part sounds strange but I think she was just excited about the school I attended, there's a weird kinship that develops there. Small place and all. I get it.

Anyway, she agreed to keep in touch this week and gave me her number so I can follow up on my exam dates once I know, and also she would need me to come back and fill out paperwork to cover formalities (I planned to ask my questions then, writing them down beforehand and just being kindly assertive. I didn't have enoguh time to write my questions for the interview, was so short notice). Oddly enough, as soon as I got in my car to go home I got an email to schedule my exam. I can't do it until Nov 9th cause most dates are booked, but thats OK.

I texted her that, and no response.
The next day I texted her another thing she needed, and I kind of slipped a little question about the team massages. No response.
Its another day and I dunno what to assume.
She wanted to start me with something asap, but then maybe she realized we would be dancing a fine line, I just wish there was a little communication to know what the plan is. :vanora_sweat:
And when she wants me to fill stuff out, and when can I have my questions answered. When can I ask them, actually. I'unno, silence makes me feel cautious af cause I've had a job go so far as to have me fill out the proper paperworks and be hired, only to flake out on me.

I dont like not knowing plans.
Makes me feel like I might get dropped.

@moodybats:
Thats smart! I have to leave my house to go to my job and college. Although I did just graduate, so I get a lot more time at home than before. Come december I'll be in a couple advanced classes and a second job x___X
But honestly, just driving to my bf's apartment, where we continue to avoid people as much as we can, I still need to wear a mask just to be outside at all some days.

Have you had any of those ash rainfalls in the last couple weeks? They're hellish on the respiratory system, but they looked so dang cool lol

@moodybats:
Oh dang, I'm sorry you had to deal with that!
I'm also a sneezer usually, so I can relate to that much xD And having to wear masks all the time, I keep having to like... somehow sneeze without opening my mouth so I just sorta internally implode and die a little bit. So I don't sneeze on the mask that I gotta wear all day D<

D: Do you have fans that you can run? They only do so much, but can help a tiny bit with stuffiness.
My room today is quite stuffy and hot

@moodybats:
Yeah, my nose is really burning at the moment too. Then I wheeze a lot, especially noticable on days like today when its a bit worse. And people start thinking I'm sick with a virus like noooooo I just have asthma and no inhaler cause I got no benefits D<

ahem, but yeah. I'm nowhere near evacuating areas but Im close enough to die from smoke lmao

I miss going for walks outside!
and pokemon go and hikes and picnics
but the air quality is so bad here in northern CO, this morning I had to go outside to drive home for like, 20 minutes, and that was enough to send me on my ass all afternoon.
>:|

I hope you're all safe, to those who may be living in the western US.

The closest fire to me here in CO is almost 2 hours away, so dw I'm safe aside from very bad air quality and asthma. But I do know a few people who are being affected by it. One of my coworker's parents are evacuating and its worrisome, I hope they don't lose anything.

@Bonnie:
Yeah I struggled quite a lot with my studies, especially toward the last month or two. it felt like i was always behind on hw or something and wasn't retaining enough knowledge. but in the end i did better than i thought, so i think you'll do well too! your efforts seem to be in the right place.


@Totalanimefan:
thank you! i feel very blessed ;v;
and pretty life motivated. havent felt this good about the path im on in like 9 years.

Everything in my life is going soso well lately :vanora_cry:
Last post I made was similar excitement. Got 3 awards, 2 certifs, 3.91 gpa. Friendships grew stronger, self pride shot through the roof, and my driving achievements this year make me feel like I overcame an actual impossible thing.
and now I'm offered 50% off tuition to take the advanced course (not counting scholarships yet, I still need to sift through those soon), to continue my journey on becoming a kick ass massage therapist.

Im still in limbo to take the state exam for my licensure but I'm EXCITED. Once that happens, if I pass the first try, you guys bet I'll come in here and lose my shit out of excitement xD

Im also in self quarantine now cause one of the students at graduation caught covid :vanora_upsidedown:
so I haven't been home for over a week now to avoid spreading it to family. But the new bf spends a lot of time with me despite it, and when he's not around I get a lot of healthy me time to meditate and just acknowledge how good I feel. I needed this down time.
and this time to get to know him so I can chip away at any trust issues I have deeply rooted. Dude's been very wonderful, it surprises me every day still. I feel so safe.

I also have that trip to TX planned still, so I can see my old life and scout the area. I still want to work towards my goal to leave CO. Not any time quickly, partner or no partner, cause transfer of massage licensure can be complex and I've been eyeballing this Atma Buti sound therapy school here.
My new partner has similar ideals to leave CO and by the time he finishes his current commitments, of which I can happily wait for while I explore other stuff for my career, we'd have (potentially) been together long enough to plan something together. In the meantime it's just extremely nice to feel like not a single thing is holding me back, not even the tiniest hesitation. I can think and talk about my dreams freely.

Anyways, thanks for being my diary again :vanora_xd:
I dont chat on here much these days but I still love you all!

@totalanimefan:
Thank you! It feels soooooo good now, finally reached that finish line where I don't have to be insanely busy anymore.
I just got to spend a solid week rolling around my room or my partner's room. Cooked fancy dinners to share with friends.
Its just a big relief!

@koah:
Hearing that from a couple of people already really hit a soft spot <3 I'm so happy that I could be that for someone.
We really do mean more to people than we'd ever realize.

@xvz:
Thank you <33 I'm so excited that I could fall asleep because the energy is making me tired lmao

@blue:
Yes! I couldn't be happier with myself. <3
Now all I gotta do is get through the state exam so I can work in my field!