Jolly's posts

@0v7:
I blame it on my adhd 8D
I get hyper focused on anything I'm doing, or sometimes just my thoughts, and it tends to kinda shut down my peripheral vision/sounds
and then poof

but then like, even if I expect a sound, if its loud I'll jump anyways >>

@0v7:
Lmao yeah I tend to move around quietly, and I'm short, so people get startled by me too.
But I also startle very easily so it tends to go both ways. I've had a few instances at jobs where me and a coworker just AHH at each other in sync :vanora_xd:

:vanora_xd:
wheeze

So my front door doesn't have a peep hole
it has this window on the top part of the door that is my very non-discrete way of checking for persons.
But my height is just below the window so like... you don't see me comin' til my face pops up like HI
Usually I don't do this if I THINK there's a person standing there, so having this bearded man staring directly back at me gave us both such a startle

I laughed, apologized and thanked him. he didn't react much, went on his way down the front steps.
Turns the corner of my house
AND MY DAD IS STANDING RIGHT THERE
startles this man AGAIN

I'm so sorry sir my family is just like this :vanora_xd:

Thank you <33

still waiting for it to arrive ;v; still excited

@kitalpha hart:
Yes it is, I just have a few weeks left of classes and we'll be focused more on massage stuff and studying for the finals.
But usually the finals are similar enough to the midterms, that I don't get too anxious about them

@kitalpha hart:
I know, I just hadn't had enough time, and the way the school schedules played out was lame
But I'm taking care of my career, which takes a heck of a lot of care for myself in the near future :D
sometimes gotta sacrifice a little!

My internship hours! Last I posted about em, I was all "yay got it all locked down in a schedule, gonna graduate on time!"
BUT I just looked and somehow I'm WAY AHEAD OF SCHEDULE?
181/186 hours DONE
35/40 clinic hours DONE, and these overlap so basically one more day at the clinic and I am 100000% DONE WITH ALL THESE HOURS
They don't sound like much but, for what I'm doing and the time frame, they are many ;3;

Its been so so hard to get to this point, I almost got sick from just the sheer fatigue of constantly working.
And the days I wasted to people no-showing and then having to re-evaluate how to catch up, then I'd have to work even harder
And lose so much sleep
and I'm so tired, I've been getting so light headed and derpy
but I'll be done, and then I can focus solely on my classwork/homework, which isn't that much cause I finished all the big loads already.

This means I'll finally have half-days off (still no full days yet). Can finally rest, cook meals (eat more than once a day) and just BE ZEN for the rest of this month ;;


Thought I'd share my undying relief! You guys have kinda been with me throughout the hardest parts of this episode of my life.
The end is nigh! But the time for relaxation is finally right now

@creativitea:
Oh, yes, I relate to all but maybe 4 of these listed in the link you shared lol
Kind of interesting looking at that, there are some things I didn't even notice in myself until I thought about it. Like the facial tics. I like, constantly wiggle my nose, but never realized that was considered a tic. :vanora_xd: it just always wanna be wigglin'
and my mom thought I was schizophrenic when I was younger, I think that's why she had me tested in the first place. It all makes sense ahah

I'd love to read more from the resources you have <3
I know a lot about ADHD, being that I do definitely have that going on, and I also studied it a lot in one of my classes for a research paper.
So it'd be nice to learn about my other potential brain function

@koneko:
It was a really fun class for me. A lot of it seemed like common sense stuff, how to have manners and be respectful, but it still set a really positive and comforting tone :vanora_smile:

@creativitea:
yesss, exactly lol but the way you put it is a lot more comforting to hear, especially since its within context and respect. And understanding that autism is NOT a negative, and shouldn't be brought up in the same breath of calling someone negative or concerning.
I never realized that oversharing was part of that, but I also never studied into autism. I always blame adhd on everything xD but, only jokingly. It helps people to understand my brain a little bit since adhd is becoming more understood these days.

I've been curious to learn more but also have no plans on getting re-tested cause... $$ haha

@koneko:
Yeah! It might be more laid on in an ethics class, kind of like mine, since that's all about how to treat people and respect boundaries. Mine are often more physical related and about professional touch also, since I would never be talking like a psychiatrist. Sharing my skill with a partner or something like that can create an opening for being taken advantage of, manipulated, or receive certain criticisms that would cut more deeply because its someone closer to you.

I feel much better now you guys ;3;
This chat helped, and my best friend also just came online and ksdhgdks he knows me better than anyone (10+ years), so when he says I have nothing to worry about, it is a really helpful reassurance

@koneko:
That's exactly what I study in my college. I don't go full psychology, since I'm studying massage therapy. But we get into ethics and how to have a healthy balance between relationships and our knowledge.
There's even a name for it, can't think atm, but its as you said. Keep it separate. In my case, its "dont massage your partners/family/close friends"

@vessel:
I'm sorry you have to experience similar feelings!
my aspergers was suggested when I was a kid, but the doctor or whatever never officialized it in documentation. Part of her reasoning was exactly that I don't need people to start treating me a certain way because I might be on the spectrum, because it wasn't severe enough to prevent me from living a normal life or something like that (idek if it gets severe enough not to? I don't study this). I take it with a grain of salt and will never claim it has anything to do with me, what would I know lol I was also just a drugged up kid (medicines) so unsure if I could take the diagnosis seriously, can't even remember my state of mind then. So I never should've mentioned it at all, but the context was definitely not one that had any opening for analyzing me. lol

The pet treatment is the absolute worst feeling though. I've had an ex really weigh heavily on my mental state and they really treated me like I was just a nutter. It made me feel dehumanized and like I'll never be taken seriously, and I'm worthy of less, I should be protected and placed in a safe bubble.
Screw that lol

@koneko:
Oh yeah, I probably made it sound more significant initially because of my wording (and I ramble). I wrote this thread at like 3am in the midst of an emotional state hahah
But yeah no, he's someone that I thought about maybe letting closer, hence opening up to him in the first place. But my gut was saying something so I also kept a thick ass wall up lol that conversation kinda ruined it on its own anyways, that hit too big of a trigger.

People who have "studied psychology" here will always find a way to make me open up in a way I normally never do, not even to my former partners, and then use this information to conclude something about me as a person. This happens to people I know also, so not just me. If I had known he studied that, I probably never would have engaged with him in the first place.

@vessel:
Thanks for that input. Honestly, it really is a bad habit of mine normally to be too forgiving of people, like "they meant well" or whatever.
But uh, this wont be someone I continue to associate with for sure. No one has a right to send me into a spiral like this.